son can stand to hear others crying

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i'm really struggling these days to figure out a way to bring more peace to our family.
my daughter, who's 7 and most likely on the spectrum, cries when she is upset~and i don't mean a whimper...it's more like a wolf howling. this irritates my aspie son to no end~he sees it as her way of manipulating the situation to get her way. she won't stop crying until someone gives her a hug~i figure it's better to give her a hug and be done with the crying, than to listen to her go on and on for what seems like hours. the more she cries, the more he yells at her to stop~the more he yells the louder the crying gets...anyone have any ideas ?

I know, we have this too. Sometimes I think that my son hates it because he thinks that every time his brother cries that he is being blamed for something so he yells loudly at his brother to stop and his brother gets even more upset!

I just pick up my 3-year old and carry him out of the room with me. Separating them at this time (while calmly telling my son not to shout at his brother) is the best answer I have come up with.

i've tried separating them, but she just won't move...she just keeps howling, and he keeps yelling....

If its because he thinks she is trying to get more attention from you why just show him attention after youve calmed her down (though then he might encourage her to cry more lol.)

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I always hated the sound of a kid crying. To me, it was a form of outright manipulation, and I couldn't believe that the parents of that kid weren't "smart enough" to see it. I guess my parents pretty much prohibited all crying, since they made it out to be that way.

My daughter (who has microcephaly) was not diagnosed as being autistic because she was very social and outgoing - however, she had MANY spectrum like behaviors. So, you would think that she would be understanding of her little brother with HFA but that is not the case. Since your son has AS he may not understand that his sister may be stimming vocally because he is just mainly concerned with the fact that it irritates him. And to say that if it bothers him that much - that he should remove himself to his room or whatever because he can not dictate what everyone else in the house should do. So, I don't say tell him he just has to deal with it because I know sounds can be extremely irritating - but on the other hand maybe tell him why his sister is making noises (since she is on the spectrum) and that she will most likely grow out of it or that you are working with her. And maybe tell him that HIS behavior is probably making the situation worse. Point out to him that his screaming will only increase her screaming and what he can do to help. Maybe if you spell it out for him without being judgemental but logical that he can see that progress can be made if he cooperates. Perhaps if you appeal to his intellect instead of trying to discipline him or beg for his cooperation it may be more effective.

I know. My 3-year old really gets cross and won't budge when I try to take him out of the room to get him away from his AS brother who hates it when he cries. Sometimes, when I am tired, I find the physical strength to prise him up off the floor even though he's taken root in the carpet. This way, I can get us both away from the angry yelling for a while, otherwise it turns into war pretty quickly. A war where no-one wins.

If I can't get anywhere (obviously I say all the things that you are supposed to say like "when your brother cries you need to ask him if he is ok and give him a hug, not yell at him" but they don't really seem to work at a time like this) I just go (bad mum! ) to the cupboard and give my 3-year old some chocolate to bribe him to come away with me.

If I ever have any proper success in this department I will let you know - but don't hold your breath!

thank you all for your replies. i have tried to appeal to him as an "older and wiser big brother"...i've tried removing her to other rooms...in the end, the issue seems to still be that no matter what, my son believes that she is manipulating the situation and getting people to feel sorry for her ( even if i show no outward affection towards her)...i guess i was hoping someone would have a magical solution to my minor dilemma

I don't have the magic answer, but if you find it can you let me know? With a 7 yr old Aspie and a baby in the house, there's bound to be crying and he hates it. He tells me to "make it stop" or growls at his sister which scares the dickens out of her so she cries more. The only solution we've had this far is for me to tell him that it's going to take me a couple of mins to figure out what the problem is so I suggest to him that he go to his "safe place" until I figure it out and then I'll call him. Works 80% of the time. The other 20%? Well....it can get a little tense.