when do you educate your aspie child?

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When do you feel is a good age to educate your child on his disorder? My son knows he has this issue (aspergers) but he does not understand what it really is. he just knows that he is much different than most of his peers. he is 9 and just getting himself around on the computer. he generally feesl that I keep stuff from him. I don't want him to accuse me of this later on in life that I never educated him. I think personally he is too immature to really understand and he has a hard time explaining things to us. Just wondering what other parents think. maybe if he is informed now he will understand himself better now and later

C

If he generally feels that you keep stuff from him, it would make sense to start now and just talk about it a little each week. Good luck!
Oh and for the record, children tend to understand more than adults think they do.

I have heard many say that children should be told as soon as possible.

For my son, I feel this, although I have tried to explain it to him, he shows no particular interest.

Maybe though, HOW you say it is the most important thing. If you could find someone famous and cool (no shortage) who he can relate to and who had it and that he has it too, then he would be less scared of this "diagnosis" that he has. I mean, accentuate the positive and give him a positive feel to this label that hangs round his neck. Make it feel more like a gold chain hanging from eminem's neck than a millstone. If you're feeling positive about it he will too.

I mean, after all, when you are trying to sell your house to a possible buyer you don't point out all the little problems, do you.

think about talking to your kids about sex~ sure, you want to give them the essential info, but you don't necessarily tell them everything.....

Ryan knows that he has AS but he does not understand what it really is. I feel sometimes that when I see an AS behavior I want to point it out to him. But that would make it like I was being critical towards him. I don't want to educate him by others letting him know that his behavior is so off. So many of the folks on this forum I can see that they were educated by the school of hard knocks. meaning you got bullied and pushed about enough for you to see the hard way just how different you are from others. Ryan knows just how different he is. would it help if he read what his disorder is about? I find it vry hard to talk to him because of his AS. He is correcting me all the time. he innterups me all the time and I can never get the point across because he is so busy telling me what he thinks it really is.. I am not sure he will ever let me educate him on his disorder as much as I can give him the info and hope that he can talk to me about it. he truthfully is unable to articualte very well what he is feeling. but I try to get stuff out of him. thanks for letting me rant.

my son often doesn't want to listen to me either~ he always has a pre-conceived notion of what i'm going to say, and then cuts me off. i have to end up redirecting the conversation back to my original point. ........it sounds as if you are terribly frustrated having to do that, though. i understand. why not try getting some books that he could read~ or have him talk to his dr~ does he have a therapist ?

If he's anything like me, then giving him all the literature on AS you can find would be a good start.
Good luck, again.

I started with the idea that I would tell my son nothing until he needed to know. However, I have changed my opinion. My son is 11 yrs old and is asking questions, he asked me if he might be mentally ret*d (despite his high intelligence). I decided I need to tell him exactly what AS is and how to deal with it. I bought a book (cant remember the name) but it was straight forward and easy to read (for young readers) Now he can ask me questions and understands the answers.

I cannot emphaise the phrase 'good luck' enough.

If you're looking for more literature, vist your local libary.

I told my son right after we got his diagnosis (he's 7) and it was a very simple conversation.

Me: You remember all those appts we went to with Dr. S?
DS: yup
Me: Well, I had another one today and she told me something new about you.
DS: What was it.
Me: She said that you have something called Aspergers
DS: Is that why she asked me so many questions about stuff?
Me: Yes.
DS: What is Asparagus?
Me: You mean Aspergers? (lol) It means that sometimes things are easier for you than they are for other kids, and sometimes they're harder. Your brain works a little differently sometimes.
DS: Cool.

That was the extent of the conversation. I'm a firm believer that you give a child what they're able to handle given their age. When he has questions, he asks. If I feel it's something he should know, I tell him. I would much rather he hear things from me and hear the truth, rather than have a feeling that people are whispering about him or talking over his head, kwim?

Think about it this way:
Would you rather
a)educate him now
b)leave it to teachers (disclipinary approach))
c)leave it to kids ((school of hard knocks))?

My ds was first dx with ADHD at the age of 5. He sorta knew. We renewed the discussion when I found some books at the library when he was 8.

"Mom, this is just like me."

"Yes, I know, the doctor said you have this."

"Mom, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BEFORE?? This explains everything!!"

When his dx changed, we definitely kept him informed. He gets frustrated by it and sometimes wishes he didn't have it, but we try to emphasize the positive aspects - his knowledge, his loyalty, his affection, his appreciation for beauty, his ability to re-interpret things and help us all see things in a new way.

If his condition interferes with life, we discuss that too and try to brainstorm ways to lessen its impact next time.

My daughter also has a habit of interrupting me when I want to tell something important and I want her to listen untill I'm finished. Forcing her to be quiet and listen does't help, because she can't listen when she's forced to listen. Words don't land in her brain. So what I do sometimes is making up a story about someone else and I put all the information I want to share in that story. Sometimes she sees the resemblance with herself, sometimes I tell her when I'm finished.

When I want to explain something abstract I watch tv with her and point at it when it passes. Like: See, X is not telling her the truth because he doesn't want to betray his friend. Would it be more or less okay if X is not telling the truth now? And later: See, Y is lying because he wants to have the bike he's jealous of. Would that be cheating or not?

And so on.

As for Aspergers, my daughter is still undiagnosed but I tell her that there are different brain types and we have another type of brain than the majority in class for instance. When she has trouble with classmates we discuss it. Most of the things children do and find normal (like switching friends and loyalty, tease in order to establish the picking order, and so on) are rubbish for my daughter. I tell her that we have another type of brain and that she'd better look for children with a similar braintype to work and play with and leave the others for times when they are nice.

The good thing (I think) is that we are the same. She doesn't have to feel different from other kids ànd her mother.