new school year trouble

Post Reply New Topic

My almost 5 year old son just started his last preschool year in the local school district's program. Last year we had a fantastic year. He also went to their summer program. This year he is moved to a new classroom with new teachers. And he is on the full day instead of the half day program. We though this will help him get ready for the kindergarten.

The new school year is nightmare. After two days he started crying whenever we mention the school or he thinks about the school. Dropping off is heartbroken for me. He cries on and off in the school all day. Today, a week after school begins, the school called us to pick him up because he refuses to quiet down in nap time. He always nap in home. He had trouble napping in the school but he did lay down quietly during napping time for the past week.

A week ago I though my son needs time to adjust. But today I feel his new teacher doesn't have a clue on how to work with my son. My son had been in four schools since he was 2. I had never get calls from school before. Two of them were regular schools. Teacher there even didn't know he is the on spectrum. He had substitute teachers in the summer. He was very happy with them. Today his new teacher suggests us to move him to another class. It makes me feel she just doesn't want my son in her class.

Very frustrated. Don't know what to do.

If the teacher is suggesting he get moved to another class, then maybe you should look into it. If she isn't willing to work with your son, then the school should find a teacher who is------

I would be at that school everyday...something is happening or something has happened...I don't want to scare you, but kids do NOT just start hating school for no reason...

My son at the same age was put into a school...for a couple of weeks he loved going...one day he started crying when I was taking him...I asked the school what was wrong, they told me "they didn't know"...for another week or so my son would scream when I would take him...After a couple of weeks the school tells me they can't handle it and that I should maybe put him somewhere else...(it was a private school) and then when I push them telling them "something happened, he was not like this, what happened"...they finally just said "he was running around with a pencil and a teacher took it away from him"...NO, my son would NOT be terrified of school just because of that...so then when I tell them that I will investigate and that I wanted to talk to this teacher, they tell me that she is no longer with them...WTH?

Because my son's speech was so delayed, I never found out what truly happened...I have homeschooled ever since...

The first doctor I went to in Dallas, Texas a couple of years ago told me "homeschool your son if you can, these kids are very abused in our school system"...I was like WTH? And this was in a VERY good and rich school district...

IMHO if it was my 5 year old I would not leave him alone at the mercy of some stranger who has no clue about how to handle my kid. You are his parent and advocate - take him out of school or like someone else said be at that school every day....it's preschool - is it worth having him cry everyday? That's too sad.

Does your son have an IEP in place? Just wondering if he has any special accomodations in place.

i would talk to the school about the suggestion to move him into another classroom. some schools are really good and try to match up students with teachers that have the most beneficial teaching style for that student. other schools just do random assignments. its always better to have a teacher who is in tune with your child and understands how to teach them. if your son is verbal, i'd say try to talk to him too. try to find out what is upsetting him from him if you can. maybe he is able to help you understand it.

i would look carefully also at the changes that have taken place. longer hours, new teacher, and new classroom. so essentially, its nothing like last year. that in itself could be triggering some very negative reactions, there is a reason "resistance to change" is part of the diagnostic criteria =) its because autistics dont handle change well. i wouldnt be too quick to jump to conclusions that he is being mistreated by staff in any way until you investigate how the changes you know about are affecting him..

my 4 yr old started school last fall too, in a 4 days a week, 8 hours a day program. he did much better than we expected. he loved his teachers, got along ok with the other kids (didnt talk or play with them hardly, but tolerated their presence), didnt have any behavioral issues at all. despite how well he did, for the first FOUR MONTHS every morning was hard. he would mope, cling, and sometimes cry when it was time for us to leave the classroom. as soon as we walked out the door, he was perfectly fine and content. we never did find any way to make the mornings better, he just changed after xmas break. he was out for an extra week due to corrective surgery for a hernia, and when he went back, no more moping/clinging/crying in the morning. it was just over. he did still tell us every day when getting ready at home that he didnt have school, but every day we would just say we had to go to school and ask ms becky, and by time he got to school he forgot about asking and would just run off to play.

for my son at least, its the transition from home to school that was the issue. that just took time for him to get used to it. difficulty with transitions is a recurring theme for him.

I totally agree. If she is not willing to work with him and is suggesting he be moved, this will most likely get worse instead of better. It's hard enough for kids to adjust to changes. It's a lot harder when you're around someone that you know doesn't have patience for you.

A bit off topic, but mandatory nap times are a pet peeve of mine. WHY is a school doing this with a FIVE year old? Most children drop napping at age four. My son stopped before he was two, which is why the whole mandatory thing had a lot of time to become a huge pet peeve; the needless stress it caused him and us was ridiculous.

The easy solution to a child refusing to quiet down at nap time is to take him out of the nap room. Why any place would have a policy that dictates they stay and try to be quiet is beyond me. In my son's case, it was two full hours he had to try to be quiet.

I would not have my child at that age in such a situation; as a five year old, he will be soon transitioning out of taking naps at all.

On a more practical level ... many kids are quite particular about where and when they sleep. It is highly likely that there is something about the nap room that is bothering and upsetting him.

DW, I agree about the naps. Thank goodness my son's school only does 30 min. for naps, and they usually put a movie on for them. 2 hours is absolutely ridiculous to expect a 5 yr old to stay quiet if they are not sleeping. My son is 5, and he pretty much quit napping at 3. He will occasionally take one if he had a bad night the night before, or if he is just physically exhausted. That could be what is going on with the OP's son. It sounds like the teacher just doesn't understand AS though.

schools are in the buisness of educating the masses and in most schools I have been to, I was allowed to fall through the cracks...our family could have saved alot of heart break if I were home schooled. Public education usually has no interest in educating special needs kids. There is also a trend that I noticed, every special need kid including myself had a horrible 3rd and 4th grade teacher. Dont take this lightly...If you dont want to homeschool the whole time, I highly recommend homeschooling for 3rd, 4th, and 9th grade. These are the grades when kids are most suceptable to school abuse. But as far as your current problem , change him to a new class asap. It is not worth it to have him hate school from pre school onward because kids equate school with learning, and learning is how we grow.

Kids with ASD tend to stick out more as they get older. So while the other kids are learning these social lessons and school lessons, the kid with ASD is still trying to play like he's in daycare.

As he gets older, the social aspect of school will get harder. He'll stand out more, and it usually only takes a year or two for him to be ostracized by the class.

My son LOVED daycare, and LOVED Jr. Kindergarten. But by grade 1 I was getting worried. He wasn't making friends, he wasn't making grades. It's pretty easy to explain it away with "the teacher..." or "the kids in his class are just..." but in reality, if he has ASD, it's HIM that's not "fitting".

There isn't too much you can do about this.
[If you have family/personal friends with kids, keep them close. So that he knows he has friends - if not in school.]

If the teacher is ignorant ( which it seems she kinda is) then try to teach HER. Request a meeting, explain what's going on. Despite what the principals say, most teachers do not know anything about ASD - other than it makes for difficult kids to teach. Give her some concrete advice as to how to handle your son when he doesn't want to do what the other kids are doing.

Make time to talk to this woman one-on-one. Then you will have a real opportunity to listen to her, and see where she's coming from. More importantly, you will have an opportunity to listen to your gut.

A mom always knows when something isn't sitting right.

If you get the feeling that she's just overwhelmed, ignorant and out of her element yet flexible, then teach her.
If you get the feeling that she's angry, spiteful, ignorant and rigidly sticking to her set ways, then get him moved.

Update:

On that day, my son refused to nap or go to the no nap room. The nap room happens to be his class room. He didn't want to be removed from the room. He got very upset. Eventually the teacher gave in, let him doing puzzles in the room. By the time I picked him up, he already calmed down. His teacher thinks he will distract other children who are trying to nap. I think as long as he can quietly play, why can't he stay in the room.

The next day was better. He only cried once or twice. At nap time, his teacher put his mat in a different corner, away from other kids. He lay down for a little while then get up to play puzzle. I am happy with the arrangement.

He is improving. Today is Monday. When I drop him off this morning, I was expecting a lot of tears, but surprisingly he was very happy to let me go. His teacher said today he laughed and smiled more today, only cried for a second after lunch. So we are staying with the teacher.