Separation anxiety disorder with ASD's?

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Hi

I've been benefitting a lot from reading all of your posts through the process of discovering my nine-year-old daughter's ASD and getting her diagnosed. Thank you.

She is nine and has been DX'ed with dyslexia, dyspraxia and sensory-processing disorder. This weekend after a long period of showing social and emotional difficulties we were told by a psychiatrist that she is on the autistic spectrum and has many autistic traits and social communication difficulties although doesn't meet the criteria for asperger's.
We were also told that the anxiety she has been demonstrating over separation, routine changes etc, which we had assumed was part and parcel of ASD meltdowns, is in fact classed as separation anxiety disorder.
They've advised us to help her / get help for her with it because 1) hers appears to be quite severe; 2) it makes it hard for them to diagnose exactly where she is on the spectrum.

I'm wondering if any of you have experience of helping a child with this condition? I'm told it occurs quite frequently in children with autistic traits.
I think it will be difficult because 1) her developmental difficulties do make her more reliant on us for practical help and advocacy, so to some extent it's understandable that she feels a little anxious without us, and 2) her social drive is low to non-existent and so she probably feels no incentive to cut the apron-strings

Any tips, advice, suggestions, info would be greatly appreciated.

Kind wishes to all

I think I did but I think it is a result of being a foster child and being forced to visit my severely autistic biological mother so they could observe her interactions with me and see if she truely wasn't cut out of be a parent. I also hear that before my adoptive parents took me in, countless foster parents couldn't cope with me for more than one night so I was constantly bounced from foster home to foster home. My mom says I was too young to remember it but I think it effected my personality somehow. I had SEVERE seperation anxiety until my teens. Oddly enough being homeschooled helped stop it.

My daughter also has severe anxiety: separation and social anxiety.

We have tried medications for the anxiety (several SSRIs) and they will help for a while and then seem to wear off and then they start messing with the dosage and it never works again.

The main thing that has helped my daughter's anxiety is extreme predictability. I know it seems you need them to get "used to" the unpredictable nature of the world, but by limiting anxiety provoking situations such as loud retail or food establishments, groups of children her age, or fear provoking places like drs offices, etc. you can ease their anxiety. Of course there are times they need to go to the dr, but building a safe, anxiety free relationship with the care providers you choose should be priority. Even if that means calling around to find people who will work with your daughter or visiting several places to find that right one. Also, we have a visual schedule and that has helped with the anxiety SO much. She knows what's going to happen and when. This keeps her need to feel control over what may be about to happen at a minimum.

As far as the seperation anxiety, for me, the harder I push her to be more independent the more clingy and needy she gets. I suppose she just hasn't reached that developmental milestone yet so I give her extra confidence that I am right here when she needs me and I am not going to push her to do what she's not comfortable with.

Of course all kids are different and what may have worked for my daughter may not be what would help someone else.

Just our experience. Also, have firm boundaries and rules. When you enfore the rules 100% the same each time it creates comfort in knowing what is expected and what will happen if that doesn't occur. Firm boundaries make my daughter feel more secure. Like she can let go of some of her worrying, because mom has it under control. I try not to ever become out of control around her, she needs to know she doesn't have to control because mom or dad has it.

One moe thing, try to remember that all the dx you received are all related. Her anxiety is most likely from the sensory processing deficits. Try to imagine what like would be like where everything feels, sounds, looks, and tastes different. The world is scary for your daughter and rightly so. Eliminate or remediate the sensory difficulty and you will also reduce the anxiety.

I think the most important aspect of anxiety is how much it makes a person suffer. The actual diagnosis seems far less significant. Everything is interelated, anyway. Both my son and I get much more "autistic" when we're anxious.

It's also important to remember that ASD kids tend to mature at a slower rate. I felt all the time I was growing up that people were frustrated with me for not being as mature as they thought I should be.

On the other hand, it's good to let kids have an opportunity to become more independent. I work on this balance with my son, trying to provide enough challenges without failing to give him as much help or protection as he needs.

He starts to get anxious when he doesn't know what to expect. Schedules and routine help with that. When he's less anxious, he's much more flexible.

Thanks everyone for your replies and kind advice

That gives me a lot to think about, and provides some very helpful balance against what the psych was telling us we should be doing, which seemed quite unrealistic to me and was obviously coming from someone who hasn't parented a child with an ASD...

Your replies resonate very much with my parental instincts and my approach with her up until now, and give me confidence to keep going. The specialists just about managed to hold themselves back from telling us it's all our fault but I'm confident we can help her get through it in her own time, if we can strike the balance indicated in your posts.

They also advised us to go to CAMHS for CBT - has anyone's child received CBT for separation anxiety? Did you/they find it helpful?

Thanks again