Recently diagnosed...family drama, bitter mom?

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I'm 24 and still living with my mom. Recently recovered from depression/anxiety last november and found out this January I had something called Asperger's Syndrome. Alot of my troubles started when I entered college when I was 18. By age 21, my mental health got so bad from struggling to do well in college, losing friends, and troubles at work, that I started seeking medical help. Now I'm 24 and finally well, but my mom has never really acknowledged or apologized or tried to be empathetic or supportive during the times I struggled with my mental health. She always accused me of just "thinking" that I had things that really weren't there and that everything was "all in my head".

Not only that but before I found out I had AS, she used to get upset and accuse me of claiming things and that I was making excuses.

There's alot of tension in the house and when I talk to my mom, she just starts yelling and claiming I'm being disrespectful when I ask questions to better understand her. She just says things like I'm trying to make excuses and blame her.

I don't blame her for anything, I just don't appreciate how she chose to handle my experience. The whole time she acted as if nothing was wrong. I want to resolve alot of the issues that my mom, brother, and I have faced, but it almost sounds like my mom just doesn't want anything to do with it and just tries to push everything off on me acting crazy. She doesn't want to read any of the AS books I bought, even when I point out things I highlighted or underlined. My brother also hates me. My mom doesn't want to try to understand AS she just accuses me of being disrespectful. I try to reason with her and ask her questions, but she just twists up every conversation into an arguement that makes me look like I'm being disrespectful and she just wants me to get out the house.

Wow, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Do you have any other family that you could move in with? Is it possible that your mother has AS also? Did you have any symptoms of AS as a child? I am surprised you made it through school without a lot of difficulty.

Hopefully, now that you know what you are dealing with, you can start to find the answers and support that you need.
Welcome to Wrong Planet!

It's always possible she is AS herself, and that is what makes her unwilling to see it. Or, she is stuck in the rainman mindset ... hard to know, and maybe not key.

Overall, I think it's mostly hard to break habits and perception. Understanding your diagnosis will require her to turn everything she knows upside down, and that is a huge thing to ask. It is also likely to hit her at her core, realizing that she really messed up - every self protective instinct inside her is going to fight against it.

You need to decide, at this point, that her inability to understand you and your diagnosis is her problem, and not yours, and do your best to mitigate the negative effects of her refusal to understand on your life. Something to discuss with a counselor.

If you can get out of the current emotional tangle with your mom and give you both some space, she might be more open to a new perspective down the road. It is going to take time, assuming it will happen at all.

For now, be glad that you have an answer for yourself, and use it to make your life better. I wish you had your mother's support as you headed down that road, but sometimes you have to move on with what you've got instead of what you should have.

You know the wonderful thing about having mental health issues is when someone claims that it's "all in your head" you can honestly reply, "Yes, yes it is!"

I'm sorry your mother is having difficulties empathizing with you. Perhaps have one of your doctors speak to her.

Some parents have a very difficult time accepting that their child is "not normal" because they see it as an indication that they themselves (the parents) are responsible, or that something is wrong with them.

Some people also have definitions of a person they form in their head, which contains their image of that person's personality and helps them "predict" the person, and when this image is shattered a lot of people have a difficult time dealing with it.

What everyone already said I agree with 100%.

In other words, masked guilt (pretty much what Chronos said, too).

Welcome to WP. I'm glad that you finally know what's going on with you, and I hope you find the answers you are looking for here.

Some day, she'll either come around or she won't. If she doesn't, that's her problem, not yours.

All you can do is stop expecting her to suddenly become someone else. One problem is that you were raised in an era when Moms were blamed for everything their children did "wrong." Having been one of these Moms, I feel for her. It isn't easy when your child constantly does things you would never do and you are blamed by teachers, mother-in-laws, etc. who tell you over and over that you're a terrible parent. Like you, she probably feels terrible enough about all the chances you missed to bond.