Lost it at work today.

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I was telling my coworkers about something that had happened yesterday that had upset me and I had myself a little meltdown of my own. We were in a restaurant yesterday and in walks this little family with 2 girls. My 8yr old starts getting really excited and kneels up in the booth we were sitting in hollering "Look it's *girl*! It's her! She goes to daycare with me! Hey, *girl*! HEY!! !!" The little girl was one that she had been coming home during the past week complaining about being mean. One who had said to her "Get out of my face and get out of my life!" The little girls mother prompted her to go say hello so she walked over and said hello but I could tell it was forced. Just the way she spoke to my daughter made it come off like she felt like she was communicating with a mentally disabled person who was beneath her and she was doing her a favor. I felt a mixture of sadness and anger. My daughter was acting really silly because she was excited to see the other girl and I guess that didn't help the exchange at all because the girl acted embarrassed to be talking to her. My daughter didn't pick up on this and after the girl walked off my daughter said happily "I guess she decided she wanted to keep our friendship!"

I guess it just hurts to think about the fact that other kids her age treat her that way. If they could have some more patience and kindness they would see the little girl that I know, but, they are just little kids themselves. I hate to think about her getting her feelings hurt and I fear that the older she and her peers get, the more she is going to stand out and the more the kids will be mean to her.

On Monday I am going to get her enrolled for some social skills training at the community mental health center. Hopefully they can help her out there.

Just needed to vent.

Sometimes the stress does just rain down. The trigger is far less important than the accumulation. And, no doubt, you've had a lot of accumulation. I hope your co-workers were able to be sympathetic and I hope you are feeling better now that you've released some of the stress.

As for the trigger situation itself ...

I forgot, how old is your daughter?

I know it's hard to see the kids who don't like our kids, but at least in this case you had a mother who seems to be teaching her daughter some manners. If the parents are telling their kids to be good to our kids, it helps a ton. It means you've got a community that supports acceptance. Focus on that, and not on how the little girl appeared to feel. The whole thing may even have led to a conversation later with the mom actually teaching her daughter to be more accepting; you never know, right?

Also ... sometimes I'm not so sure my kids are actually being treated bad when they think they are. My AS son is oblivious to the obvious slights, but sees some that don't exist, and my probably NT daughter often seems to see slights that don't seem to exist. It's good to break some of those situations down and try to figure out the truth; it isn't always what our kids think it is (not to say we should ever discount their assessment, but there are times they've missed an important piece - and that goes for both AS and NT kids). Your child isn't condemned to a life of misery. There will be up days and down days, but she has you and that makes a huge difference.

I understand what you said about feeling the mixture of sadness and anger. So far my son is only 5, and he has no clue that anyone looks at him differently. I notice it though, and if hurts my feelings. Up until now, it was not that bad, because some of his behavior could just be chalked up to him being little. But, he has gone through a growth spurt, and is now looking older, and kids his age and even 4 yr olds give him looks that say "why are you doing or saying that?"
At least your daughter is aware of even maybe having a friend. My son doesn't seem to care in the least that I am his "best friend". I am happy to be his best friend, but it breaks my heart thinking of it, because I don't know how that is going to get him through life. I just keep gently trying to get him to open up to his peers. All I can do is hope and pray. For now, at least it isn't hurting his feelings. All I can do is let these incidents roll off my back and look forward to another day, and just accept it for what it is----It hurts though.

One thing I have noticed, though is that all kids have to be taught social skills. Not every kid out there, autism or no autism, has the best manners. Some of them are really only concerned about themselves. I have even noticed my son saying "hi" to other kids, and they just totally ignore him. What is that all about? Overall, my son at first appearance seems pretty "normal", so I don't understand why another kid wouldn't just say hi. Sometimes they do say Hi, but they have no smile on their face, or they seem that it is an inconvenience to say something.
So like I said, not every kid out there is the best at social skills.

Hopefully, sharing here at WP helps you get some of it off of your chest. I know it does for me!

She's 8. She's becoming a little more aware of the fact that she's being treated differently, even though she doesn't understand why. Seeing her upset is upsetting for me and I feel powerless at times. Then seeing it right in front of me just drove it home. I guess I just fear her changing her friendly, funny, sweet nature behind the actions of others. I don't want her spirit broken and I'm scared of the possibility that it could happen.