IEP - :P

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We had my son's IEP meeting today.

The people on his team are all very pleasant and I would not question their dedication, but this was like a nightmare for me. We had a phone call notice. I had no idea who would be there. We didn't have any transition support. We got there and the IEP was already written up with the exception of the parent concerns.

My husband was unhappy with the amount of ST on the plan - it was written in minutes so I didn't realize how few they offered. I wanted other services but I didn't get a chance to go into detail about that. So, now I'm really not thrilled with it. I've

The informality around most all of this was what really threw me. I don't know - maybe I had an unrealistic expectation. I also am not sure how to move forward and this has always been a problem for me. I want my son to get what he needs. I'm not asking for a lot either. I don't know how to handle the intricacies of this part of the universe. People don't say what they mean and I am very direct and my manner tends to insult people here. I don't want to insult anyone either. I just want what he needs and I don't enjoy all the flowery nonsensical crap that I have to entertain to get to that. It's part of the reason we got essentially no where today. This was a big presentation of "Here is what we think your child needs and what we will provide based on our collective 8 hours of experience with him". WTH?

I am so stuck on this right now and it's annoying the hell out of me. Please tell me I am not nuts. And if I am nuts please be gentle...

You're not nuts. I've been through this many times. The system is far from perfect and, in many cases, its not even good. My suggestion is, know what you want before you go into those meetings, and then make sure you get it. If you don't know what you want prior to the meeting, then the meetings can be very unproductive. I've sat through several unproductive IEP meetings. Bottom line is, you can only do so much with a broken, under-funded system where most of the players are jaded. Good luck!

You are not nuts. That process is a mess. You definitely need to do a LOT of prep before going into an IEP and one of the best pieces of advice I ever got on IEPs is DO NOT SIGN IT WHILE YOU ARE THERE. Take it home and read and re-read it, compare it to recommendations from any therapists your son has, insist on additions that you know your son needs.

If you feel you were steamrolled/unprepared in that meeting, you may want to discuss with the Principal to ask for a chance to re-review it.

You are not crazy, what you explained is exactly their tactic. Catch you unprepared. Make you THINK they care.

Do not sign off. If you did sign off immediately write a letter stating that after careful consideration you disagree and would like to call another meeting.

The crazy games these schools play makes me FURIOUS.

In the next meeting take any documentation that you have regarding what he needs. Stay your ground. They are bullies. I know exactly how you feel.

BTW if you are in the US IDEA states they must give you written notice. It states "Written notice of the meeting must be given to you at least 5 days before the meeting, unless you agree otherwise". What they did is a Procedural Violation and you should let them know that. The notice must include a list of who will attend the meeting.

They called you up and demanded an IEP on short notice???

I came here to post on my anxieties for my son's upcoming IEP meeting. My son was just diagnosed over the summer. He has been in this school three years. He had an IEP for learning disabilities and speech for two years, but the special ed director has repeatedly tried to steer us away from pursuing an autism spectrum diagnosis.

I turned in a copy of the diagnosis as soon as the principal was in the building this year! I had planned to have our psychologist attend the IEP meeting (which I have pushed to occur before school begins).

Now I am being told that because of an e-mail problem at the school, I was not told earlier that the meeting is planned for this Monday. It is not enough notice to have the psychologist attend, and I really do not feel prepared to do this without her present. I am just too new at all of this to feel competent and assertive enough.

However, I would really like to have something in place when school begins. Caitlin- Your advice about not signing the IEP until it has been reviewed by everyone is good.

It sounds like these meetings are pretty much always stressful and manipulated?

A bad IEP is generally worse than no IEP. It is their problem, not yours, that the email was not working at school, and contrary to the school's apparent belief, email is not the only method of communication. They could have contacted you by snail mail or by telephone. Also, while schools tend to like to "make believe" that they can just "tell you" when the IEP meeting will be, if they propose a time and date that doesn't work for you, they have to re-schedule at a mutually convenient time. For you, a mutually convenient time means a time when your psychologist is able to attend. DO NOT allow the IEP meeting to take place without you and the psychologist taking part. Contact the psychologist and get a few dates and times when s/he will be available. Then contact school and tell the school the dates and times when you and your expert will be available. If the school is not willing to hold the meeting at those times, ask for several possible times, tell them you will contact your psychologist to check on availability and get back to them. If it is still not working, ask your psychologist if s/he can talk directly to the school district to work out times. Follow up EACH conversation with a note confirming what was said, especially about the fact that the IEP meeting would be re-scheduled for a different time to be determined so that your psychologist could attend.

If school convinces you to have a meeting without the psychologist, make it clear, in writing, that this is not THE IEP meeting, this is just a meeting to discuss things pending the IEP meeting, and that an IEP meeting will be scheduled as soon as all the necessary parties can be assembled. DO NOT LET THEM bully you into having an IEP meeting without your psychologist!

Not always. It depends. I've attended some really productive and positive IEP meetings. Again, as long as you know exactly what you want ahead of time, then you can control the way things go. But that's half the battle, knowing what you want. Most school personnel we've encountered really do care, but they feel as helpless as the parents...they don't have all the answers, they don't know what accomodations work best for your child, and on top of that they're under-funded and under-paid.

I was just going to write a post pretty much identical to Jat's. Velmom and Countess, I am preparing a post for my blog next week on IEP resources, but that may be too late for you, so here are some of the links planned for that post, which all provide important IEP and related preparatory info:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt46527.html
http://www.sensorysmarts.com/working_with_schools.html
http://www.hartleysboys.com/2010/07/cre ... +3+Boys%29
http://www.hartleysboys.com/p/sensory-a ... ns_23.html

also, not for the IEP but tied up with a ribbon and handed to your child's teacher on the first day of school:

http://momnos.blogspot.com/2010/03/on-b ... aster.html

Please keep us posted on how the process goes!

also this one:

http://thinkingautismguide.blogspot.com ... s-and.html

jat wrote:

Can I do this and possibly get some things done as kind of provisional services until the "real" IEP is written, when the psychologist is able to attend? If this would be possible, it would really help to set aside a lot of my anxiety right now about school starting with no relevant supports in place. Do you think that we could accomplish a little bit? I just worry that the special ed director who has been pretty condescending to me, just shaking her head dismissively every time I have brought up the word autism, will set a negative tone, even with the diagnosis in place.

Your experienced advice makes me feel a little less clueless, but I am just too new at this to know what would be the best plan ?

Velmom, I'm sure Jat will give you good advice on the specifics of how to handle your questions about the IEP, but I just wanted to address your underlying intimidation which is painfully clear even just in your posts. Here is my advice on handling the condescending sped director:

Action plan:

1. speak clearly to her with your head held high AT ALL TIMES;
2. never meet with or speak with her without knowing what's on the agenda and having time to prepare for it beforehand (ie, no "can we meet after school today" meetings);
3. do your research and speak with confidence about your son's educational needs and rights, that alone will take you MILES ahead of her condescension;
4. if you are not immediately comfortable with something- anything- do not agree to it until you have time to consider it and consult any necessary professionals - do NOT allow yourself to be bullied into submission.

Backup plan:

If indeed she does not stop dismissing your concerns/autism diagnosis/child's needs, and if indeed she is clearly condescending to you, then tell her:

"I am uncomfortable with your tone, as it makes me feel that you are condescending to me. As _____'s mother, it is in everyone's best interests that you treat me with respect, and that we be able to work together. If you feel you are unable to perform that aspect of your job, I will need to elevate my concerns."

They have driven you down into a place where you feel totally vulnerable. That's unacceptable. Time to take the reigns back.

velmom wrote:

You can do this ONLY if your "real" IEP meeting is set up prior to the "temporary" meeting taking place. If the "real" meeting hasn't been set up, school will postpone, and put off the "real" meeting because they'll say that they've already had a meeting and they don't need another one, things are "just fine." Also, you need to confirm, in writing, that the "temporary" meeting is not the IEP meeting, and if it is referred to as such, you need to correct it and say it is only an interim meeting pending the full IEP meeting, which all necessary parties will attend, which will be held on _____. If they have an attendance sheet for the attendance at an IEP meeting, you need to mark it as an interim IEP meeting pending a full meeting that will allow for full participation of all necessary participants.

If you have any friends or family members who have been through this process, or if there is a parent group in your area (special needs PTA, ARC, etc.), try to have someone come with you - for both moral support and to help you with the details of the situation. Another person can help "present your case," take notes, remind you of things you might forget, keep you calm, remember things afterwards ... If you don't have someone who's been through it, someone who knows your child can be helpful.

Caitlin gave some great links. For legal information in the US, Wrightslaw is the "go-to" place. They also have a free e-newsletter. Because the site has so much information, it can be a bit overwhelming, but it has just about all the information you could possibly need about special education law! There is also a link to what they call their yellow pages for kids (at the top, in little letters). It is a resource list, by state, of service providers - advocates, lawyers, OT's, PT's, psychologists, speech & language therapists, etc. It may help you find an organization near you that could help you work with your school.

Thanks for the advice on not being intimidated by this individual or by this process. I called and voiced my concerns about the short notice, and they actually rescheduled for a later date when my son's psychologist could attend. I am reading as much as I can about accomodations and supports that might work for my son in the classroom. But I still feel a million times better knowing that the psychologist (who has so much experience with kids on the spectrum and IEP's) will be behind us. I do know that ultimately I will be his best, most devoted advocate throughout his life (and his biggest fan!)

You sound MUCH more confident velmom! You go girl!! !! !

Velmom,

The biggest thing here is that you, and they, now know that you are not a push-over. They may continue to "test" you, but you, and they know that just because they say something, it doesn't mean you have to meekly agree. You have set the stage for you being an equal partner in this process, and that is SO important. You had a legitimate reason not to proceed with the meeting when they wanted it, so they had to accommodate you. If you didn't have a real reason not to proceed, you could have gone along with them, but never give up your child's rights because you feel intimidated!