getting aspie kids to do chores/find job

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My two aspie teens have basically had the same list of things to do every day for...years? and they still never do the chores without being told. Let's concentrate on my 18 year old. For summer, she needs to get the game room cleaned up by noon or no computer/wii for the day. She doesn't do the work. She said it's just not motivation enough to do it. Now, she has nothing else to get as a privilege. She doesn't care about clothes, money. I don't have any money anyway to reward her with.

I'm very worried about her. She has no desire to do chores for reward, take a shower without being told, brush her teeth. How is she going to be able to work at a job if she has no motivation???? Her grades in school are low. She has a learning disability.

I'm having her fill out a job application every day. I want her to work, but at least she is doing this first step.

She does volunteer work, but needs more of it. What do I do with her? She refuses to apply to a fast food, cashier job....hard to find a job that she can fit in to.

Oh, I forgot to mention that after 12, I get on her case to do the work and she does it, slowly, as long as I keep on her. So, she does the work, but gets no computer/wii!! !!

My Aspies have AD(H)D. Without their pills they are pretty hopeless about getting things done. Eldest can't take his pills anymore because they agravate another medical problem he's got. I have to stand over him to get him to do anything and his room is pretty hopeless. Middle Son can do chores and keep his room in a reasonable state if he has his Adderal. Without that he can't remember what he's doing long enough to tie his shoes. He much prefers life with Adderal and I suspect he'll take it all his life. His ADD is extreme and he just hates it.

Not picking up after yourself or bathing has absolutely nothing to do with Autism. Its simple sloth, so don't pretend or allow them to pretend they can't help it because of a disability. These are preschool skills that should be automatic by adolescence.

Jobs - I promise you an Aspergian will not be able to hold a job as a cashier, or in any capacity in the fast food industry for more than a couple of weeks, and that's if they WANT the job. Unless you find something that fully engages them as a special interest, the stress level of functioning in a socially oriented work environment will overwhelm them in no time at all. Look for something quiet, that allows them to work alone and unsupervised as much as possible, in a fairly set and predictable routine.

Even so, don't expect miracles. I had a 35 year career working mostly alone in a closed room, playing music, and I still managed to be so bad at social interaction and following rules that I got fired every 15-18 months like clockwork.

Why not take it from an aspie point of view?

When I was younger (I'm 18 now) I wouldn't do anything I was supposed to do, unless I was told several times, or was being watched over. My mother was doing everything she can to learn about AS managed to get inside my mind, so to speak. She managed to find something I like more than anything else (Without having any friends at those times) and she took it away. It may be mean, but I finally got the message. It took me 6 years to learn to like being indoors, but then I never wanted to go outside. An aspie is extremely good at focusing on one thing, but only if they are highly interested. However, I figured that if I could use it when I needed it, I could do a lot more than the interesting stuff, and it worked. That's how I graduated High School... ON TIME! Wierd, huh?

Have them focus on themselves rather than other things, and they may get bored with that and move to other things. On the flip side, They may not get tired of themselves. If they can see themselves from an outside view, they may try to catch themselves in the act and try to change themselves. That's what happened to me and I figure it may work for your children as well.

Maybe she is depressed.

Being the sloth mom that I am, I haven't been forcing my kids to do chores. Am I worried they won't be able to stand on their own? Actually, no. They contribute when it's important to them, and at some point in everyone's life comes the realization that making a living and having a nice home is important. For someone who may find chores overwhelming (as some AS do, and as I personally do), the only motivation that really works is internal. You can't make it happen; it has to come on it's own.

Remember that your teenager is likely to be developmentally behind her peers when it comes to organization, responsibility, and other skills required to organize, clean or hold down a job. That doesn't mean she'll never get those skills; it just means that you may have to adjust your expectations.

Plus, AS kids and adults often need a LOT more downtime than average. That has to built into their days or they won't be able to accomplish much of anything.

My suggestion is to come up with a list of reasonable alternatives and tell her that she must pick one, it is expected, it is her "job." Choice is important, especially to AS kids, who have a need to feel in control. My kids (one AS, one NT) understand that their "job" is to go to school and learn, and generally be a contributing part of the family. If everyone isn't doing their job, the family cannot function in a happy and positive way. And, well, they much prefer the family to function in a happy and positive way, and have figured out that when they don't do their part, it all kind of snowballs downhill from there. I've sometimes just let things take that natural downhill course, and they do NOT like it, which leaves me that experience to remind them of. It works.

Do consider the possibility of depression, mentioned by the previous poster, because depression makes it pretty much impossible to care about anything, or find the motivation to do anything. No amount of badgering or logic will change it; it all just makes it worse.