Thanks.

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Thanks.

Last edited by Ndotlevy on 17 Aug 2010, 8:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You don't do anything. I don't mean to be rude but really it has nothing to do with you.

Poor little kid, my baby sister was like that till she got diagnosed and given speech therapy. Now she enjoys talking more and more. I had speech therapy at her age too but I didn't get better like she did. Then again wasn't labeled Autistic until I turned 20 either. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it but mention that there might be something wrong. The more help kids with Autism or LDs get when they're young the better the outcome tends to be, but that's only if it's the right kind of help. I was labeled and stigmatized with Dyslexia, my sister seems to have benefited more from her labeling than I did.

Last edited by Angel_ryan on 14 Aug 2010, 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can understand your concerns, but I agree with MotherKnowsBest. You are still in the very early stages of your relationship with this little boy's father and it is for him and the boy's mother to try to work together for their son's benefit. It is possible that if you attempt to interfere it will only make the situation more difficult.

It can be very hard to diagnose AS in little ones, because they do develop at different rates. What they need more than anything at that age, in my opinion, is to be loved as they are for who they are. Hopefully, the child gets that. if he does, the most important item is checked off the list. Hopefully ASD, if present, will be caught quickly public school is started. At that point, it can be difficult for a parent to run and hide and pretend that nothing is "different" (I prefer not to say "wrong," just different).

It's sweet of you to worry but, like the others said, there isn't anything you can do. Just love the boy when you see him, and gently share tips that work with AS kids if you know any; the parents will or won't do anything with them, but that is for them to decide.

Im only 18 so im not a parent myself, but he may just be an NT who is going through a stage in his life? Give him a few years and see if he changes or not before just labeling him

He does sound like he has AS, but at this point, the others are right. I would just try to learn to accept the little boy and help him if you can by taking extra time to try and communicate with him. As a mom, I wouldn't want to take advice from my ex's girlfriend! As the relationship progresses, your boyfriend may need your support more, but for now, I would try to keep out of it.

Um. It has everything to do with her. She suspects a little boy may not be getting the help he clearly needs. What moral person would let this continue without trying to help?

Do you think your boyfriend would be receptive to you discussing your concerns with him about his son's development?

I think if you approached the subject with an open mind, objective attitude, and carefully asked him about it, I think you will get a positive response.

I did not understand that my youngest son might have something wrong until a friend - not my husband, my mother, or anyone else directly involved; but a friend who had met my son once said, "Ummmm.... can we talk?" She noticed my son was rocking himself, was not verbal, and did not respond to his name. We had talked with our son's pediatrician about these issues but were quickly dismissed: "Every child comforts himself/herself differently - you're worrying too much," or "He's a boy - they're always less verbal than girls - you're worrying too much."

You'll know when the time is right for the conversation. Asking what your boyfriend thinks or what you might do to help are starters...

And the sooner his son gets into an early intervention program, the more ready he will be for school; and school will be ready for him, should he need a one-on-one support.

No it doesn't. It is to do with his mother and his father. It is up to them to decide what is best for their child. An interferring new girlfriend could create all sorts of problems between the child's parents, which is definately not in the child's best interest.

If my ex had a new girlfriend and she started interferring in issues relating to my child, thinking she knew better than me, I'd be absolutely livid.

What's objectively best for your child isn't subject to your "feelings", though. The OP already said his mother won't even consider trying to get him diagnosed or helped.

Her having no LEGAL rights as far as the child is concerned doesn't change the fact that she's in a (step)parent role.

Oh my, this is a touchy subject. Although it is likely a common issue, with the rate of divorce and separation and the number of children who are diagnosed with ASDs. Ideally, it would be great if all adults involved could work in favor of the best interest of the child(ren) involved.

It is certainly optimal to have a child receiving appropriate services (speech, occupational therapy) if he does, in fact, have developmental delays or disabilities. Just recently, a friend of mine mentioned a boy who exhibits many "aspie"traits, and his mother reacted in much the same manner when it was suggested that her son may have Asperger's. Some parents don't want to face the possibility of their child having "a diagnosis", and it is easier for them to not address it. Since dad has mentioned that he suspects there is something going on with his son, hopefully he will take the initiative to have him formally evaluated so the little guy can be eligible for services in their area.

While I agree that parenting issues can get very ugly very quickly when mom and new girlfriend disagree on anything related to the child, new girlfriend is becoming a part of the family and it is wrong to ignore the possibility that the boy has autism (or something) simply because mom doesn't want to deal with it.

The only advice I could offer is to keep things respectful, and keep the focus where it should be. Since dad has already discussed this, I don't think it is unreasonable to simply agree, note similarities that you have seen, and let dad know that early intervention does amazing things - especially with communication/speech.

Yes it is. And that's her choice as his mother. As it happens, I disagree complete with that choice, but I respect the fact that it's her choice to make.



We'll have to agree to disagree on that one as I don't think she is. I think it takes more than 5 months of dating someone to be considered their child's stepparent.

I think that boy, needs to get tested. Not all autistic people rock in the corner, talking to themselves, about K-Mart.

While you certainly have reason to be concerned about the boy, and it is very nice that you are so concerned about someone else's child, this is a difficult situation.

The fact that you are the (other woman) dating the father, may cause the mother to be adversarial to whatever you say. I don't mean to imply that there is anything in the slightest wrong with your relationship (unless he is currently married to her). I'm just saying some women have a hard time controlling emotions in charged realms like parenting and romantic entanglements.

The father, at this point, may also have mixed feelings if you were to question how he or his ex raises the child. Maybe wait a bit and see if the ask you for advice or if your relationship with the father deepens.

If the child is clearly on the spectrum then others will have noticed it (babysitters, nursery or day care staff, relatives, etc.) I certainly understand why you want to say something, hopefully someone else is in a better position to. Right now, the family dynamics are complicated and you saying things may aggrevate the mother whether or not you are correct.