Progression of AS in your child

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I don't know if these are AS symptoms or common traits of those with a social and communication handicap.
Just before writing this, I reminisced after a long battle with myself, about what I went through as a child and as I progressed in time.

I am not a parent, but I realized some things about about my childhood.


Does your child speak with adults better than with kids? Are they better with maybe some older kids, even teens. At least the good ones? Do they have more difficulty talking with kids the same age and a tad older? Maybe because they can't understand your child or something?

Is your child much more communicative at home, with family, and while attached with you?
Does it decrease while away from you, in public, or anything.

Did the difficulties progress as they got older?
Did the frustrations show up academically?
Does your child seem aware they don't function well and get frustrated there? This can also affect their academics also.

Is there a loss of assertiveness in the children who are aware? Anxiety build up also?

I mention these because I had these difficulties. I remember them as if I did have a child, and see it right now.

I am no parent but I just like hearing from others with the same experiences, maybe even compare. This is a start.

for my son, the answer is yes to all the questions you asked.

I remeber being unaple to do simple things in school.

When I had to go to another classroom for certain courses, I was told that it was okay to get up and head out. But for some reason I was afraid of being told to sit down. Be asked why I was leaving. Or be yelled at. Teachers knew were I was going, they were being nice to tell me it was okay to leave, but I was still scared of something. I don't know why I couldn't ask for help like that.

That progressed and the unassertiveness still hits me today - to a point where I now need to step up because this time as an adult, I have to make my own decisions. I am afraid to make certain social decisions. This has kept me from having a job, now I do not have enough work experience and kept me from learning enough new things. I feel that the past several years was too much of a waste.

I wish I knew a way to help a child who has that problem there.

I get a good match for those symptoms from my own childhood, and to a fair degree adulthood as well.

The difficulties have got both better and worse, largely depending on whether there are situations and circumstances where I can have confidence, where I know the "rules of engagement". Professionally I largely know what I'm doing, and I'm largely happy with it, and can be assertive of that which I'm sure of. Whatever I've studied and understood well.

Lots and lots of the world is not included in the above, and their I have diffculty in "faking" or assuming confidence. Even while knowing that so often that is the key to an easier time.

Last edited by Emettman on 18 May 2006, 1:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Does your child speak with adults better than with kids? Yes. To him, adults are more predictable and more tolerant of him so he's more comfortable.

Are they better with maybe some older kids, even teens. At least the good ones? Definitely
Do they have more difficulty talking with kids the same age and a tad older? Yes. Kids his own age (he's 7) are less tolerant and more likely to point out things that they think are weird about him.
Maybe because they can't understand your child or something? That's exactly it. Although every once in awhile you come across a sensitive/tolerant child who accepts your child.

Is your child much more communicative at home, with family, and while attached with you? Surprisingly, No. He's very chatty, open and trusting whether I'm there or not.
Does it decrease while away from you, in public, or anything. Nope.

Did the difficulties progress as they got older? I've seen a big leap from 5 yrs old to now, so yes.
Did the frustrations show up academically? Yes.
Does your child seem aware they don't function well and get frustrated there? This can also affect their academics also. I don't think so yet, but I think that's due to age.

Is there a loss of assertiveness in the children who are aware? Anxiety build up also? Doesn't apply yet.


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Hope that helps.

Nocturnalowl-our son has a lot of the issues you bring up. He is 11, just finishing 5th grade, and was dx'd last year.

He deals well with children 7 or younger, or kids 16+. He only deals well with peers when he is in a position of some "authority", as when in science class he is the class leader as he already has a firm knowledge of everything they are just learning.

On the playground, or in PE, his peers consider him quite the "oddball". He did not understand that he always had lots of friends when it was time for basketball because at 5'6" he towers over all his classmates, most of whom are of Mexican descent and can't hope to ever be that tall, and that they weren't really friends.

He has one true friend. That accepting/tolerant child. They share a love of somewhat violent video games and pokemon.

At first I was beginning to think his AS got worse because he knew he had it. Self-fulfilling prophecy as it were. Then I began to realize we were just entering a new phase. Coupled with hormones, he is changing as a person. The kid who never cared what anyone thought (as evidenced by his wardrobe/hygeine) suddenly refuses to bring a baby picture to school for a project because the other kids will "laugh" at it.

There are certain people he can talk to - perfect strangers even - and you stand back and watch and really question the possibility of the diagnosis. Just five minutes later though, and he's giving the bag boy a scientific dissertation on why the sky is blue and you know.

I think we missed seeing what was going on with our son for two reasons - my husband we see now is clearly on the spectrum and I have never been a social person. I had one friend growing up and was happy that way, never cared for gossip and parties and all the other stuff the girls were in to. So we just saw our son as a reflection of ourselves.

Now I can speak better with children now, because I want to somehow enjoy the things I didn't really get to do much. Teenagers, not as much because I don't want to deal with all the pressure and sturf, or maybe because I didn't always enjoy those times.

With peers, I felt I was catching up as I was in HS, but as I graduated, I kind of lost track. I never went to school, didn't work, and go out places often. I started losing some touch of the world for the past few 2 or 3 years. Now I feel I am way behind peers and even those who are a few years younger than me. It makes me saddened and upset. And upset at myself. I only wish these problems were addressed sooner.

Now is there a conflict of interest in social interacting?

The "Yes I want to communicate, but it is too hard, or too scared".
The "I am not really aware, and don't even attempt"
The "I no longer care right now, because I have somewhat given up"
The "Only if someone else initiates, and only stick with it when it is something of interest. I don't go to them - Instead they come to me"

I remember when I knew a few kids I played with in school, whenever they did something that I had no interest in, or did things I couldn't relate to, I walked away or kind of stood there.
Many AS kids know they can communicate. I feel that some anxiety triggered somewhere when I was young so it delayed me and I never picked up pace that much, as I did I lost it again for some reason.

I definitely speak better with adults than with my own peers. I was placed in a school for special needs students, and most of the students were low-functioning. I grew attached to like four or five teachers there, whom I spoke to on an occasional basis, even having lunch with a few of them. I just didn't feel the need to associate with the students, because the stuff they were interested in never interested me. I had a select few friends there that I did talk to, but I still sought out adults more than I did my own peers.

Am I more communicative at home? It depends. Generally speaking, yes. If I get to know someone, I can be just as communicative with him as with my parents. I don't insinuate myself into social events, and I tend to stick by myself for the most part. I can be a chatterbox if I know someone, and extremely quiet and distant otherwise.

As I got older, I found my social skills getting better, not worse. I found ways to avoid many conflicts, which really helped calm myself down, though I will admit that some of those ways aren't always socially appropriate, but they work well enough without a lot of notice. I was able to tolerate more situations as time progressed, however, just as long as I was prepared for something.

Frustrations academically? Yes, but not due to that, but rather to a nonverbal learning disability.

I knew a long time ago that I didn't function well, and there are many situations wherein I still believe I would not function well. It's why I don't seek out a true relationship. I operate better alone, and I like to sink myself into my own interests. Of course, WrongPlanet has become one of those interests as of late, though I have a few others.

- Ray M -

Yes I do realize now that I did have social dysfunction as a child. I flash back to realize that I did suffer from these situations then and I still have them today. I never really knew what was going on until I was in my mid-teens. But for some reason I kind of rejected what was wrong with me. I let the frustrations and fears stay in me, causing delay in moving to personal independence. I have potential but I didn't let it come to full use.

If I was a parent - I don't have to be one. I would like to tell a kid that there is a difficulty with them and that they can come out of it smoothly. Just with proper help.

This is what I want to do now. I want to be able to give kids with these problems, the help I felt I never had. But do it in a way that can really keep them glued. I didn't do that really well.

I always got along better with adults. I went to a couple of special schools and not until the last one did I connect on any level with the students. A couple of them became my first true friends. Now that I'm an adult myself, I still prefer the company of adults to kids. The closer to my age group, the better.

I wouldn't say I was much more communicative at home since there was only one other person there for most of the time. Now, as an adult myself, I'm a lot more communicative with people once we get to know each other. Otherwise, I speak only when spoken to, if even that. Just a quick nod in the hallway will suffice for most people.

I wouldn't say I didn't function well, just differently. It would have been much less of an issue if my grade school classmates hadn't constantly pointed out my differences.

I was most definitely not assertive. Even now I find it tough to stand up for things. The internet makes it easier but there's always fear of consequence for speaking too far out of turn.

Thanks for the comparisons. I feel better that I can see that there are those children with the same thing. I wish that when I was a child in the 80s and an adolescent in the early 90s, their could've been more knowledge and resources on AS and HFA. But by the time I explained, I was in my last years in HS.

Maybe I could've been more than just communicatively handicapped, and just shy, unfortunately we didn't know enough and now I have to do my best at what to do. I dragged the line and didn't do much for a while but now I will make a return.