Excused from gym class?

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Hi all. My daughter has a diagnosis of autism, possibly Asperger's. She is 6. Her 'disability' is rarely apparent in calm, structured situations (i.e. the classroom), but in places like the lunch room, the playground and in gym class, she struggles. During lunch, she is overwhelmed and has trouble finishing lunch. However, the social aspect seems positive for her, so I have compensated by planning lunches she can eat quickly. Recess has been fertile ground for some bullying, but she now has a 504 plan in place, which I hope will help. But gym class comes with an added bonus problem - the teacher.

Throughout the school year, my daughter received marks on her quarterly reports indicating that she was having issues with participation and sportsmanship. Her classroom teacher told me that the gym teacher said my daughter was 'whining', but the classroom teacher shrugged it off since this is not typical of my daughter's behavior and she is an excellent student and rule-follower. So I finally called the gym teacher, hoping to explain my daughter's dagnosis and see what I could do to help her participate more effectively in gym class. The call did not go well. It was clear to me that the teacher thought my daughter was simply a behavior problem. I pointed out that the issues she brought up all had to do with her diagnosis and the sensory issues she struggles with, but I clearly was getting nowhere.

So I called a meeting. She did not show up. So I called another meeting and CCd the school superintendent. No one was pleased, but it got done. During the meeting, she dominated with scripted-sounding 'inclusive classroom' talk, which really was never the issue - the issue was her inappropriate appraisal of my daughter's behavior (which is mostly excessive movement and insistence upon fairness and rigid rule-following). She tried to say my daughter pushed another child, and my daughter has never touched another person violently EVER. She backpedaled when I pushed for details. Turns out my daughter had put her hand up to prevent another child from cutting in line, no push involved. And the final insult was the gym teacher telling our meeting group that she was not aware my daughter had a diagnosis of anything until she got the 504 paperwork - which was a blatant LIE.

Gym class is difficult for her, not beneficial. The noise, the bright lights, the movement of the other students, the ever-changing substance of the classes is really disorienting, and makes whatever follows gym class difficult for her. On top of it, her teacher appears to be a manipulative liar. I do not want this person around my child, as I believe she could be highly detrimental. Any suggestions?

My daughter also has problems in gym and I guess it is a "gym teacher" stereotype but we also have some issues with the personality of the coach. They are very "toughen up and get over yourself" it seems. My daughter is extremely frightened of the coach as she has a booming voice and scary assertiveness.

I would never exempt my daughter from gym class, I don't like the message that gives. Instead I would try to work closely with the principal in getting some assurances that the coach will abide by the 504. Then, modify the 504 to her gym needs (like earplugs or down times as needed). If that coach ever gets out of line you needs to go down to the school ready to make a commotion! I had to do the same thing when our coach took away my daughter's chewy tube because she didn't think she needed it and she thought it was distracting! Uh..hello? That's NOT your call lady!! !! ! I went down to the school and told them under no circumstances was that to happen again. I even had them discuss in staffing meeting that her tone of voice should be watched around my daughter and we implemented a pass in the gym that she can use to go to the counselor at any time, no questions asked. Does my daughter like gym class? No, but she is supported and is learning that her differences don't excuse her from gym class.

I don't know how I made it through gym. I constantly sat out, couldn't participate right and it scared me, was really disorienting. Most of the gym teachers, especially past elementary school, don't care so much though. They just thought I was lazy. Sometimes they would send me to the office but they didn't care enough to call informing them I was expected, so I would just go somewhere to wait the class out until the next day.

I guess my point is gym class isn't really important, and most gym teachers have a really poor attitude to those that can't participate the same way. I really don't see how gym class promotes fitness.

My IEP (once I finally got one) delayed the mandatory gym class, and they said they'd figure out an alternative for me once I needed the credit. But I'm not in school anymore.

I have hated gym class for as long as I can remember. I got laughed at even though I really tried to play. My teacher yelled at me for not participating, but it wasn't my fault. After a while, no one would give the ball to me and people got mad if I was on their team. In middle school, I acted out in gym and had to sit in the hall (yay). I got some extra credit doing statistics, but my usual gym grade was a C-. Last year, I just walked out of gym. We had a substitute and weren't doing anything productive so I left out of a not-so-obvious door. I walked around for about five minutes then the sub finally decided to look up from her magazine and noticed me gone. She caught me as I was walking back. I explained I have AS and needed a sensory break, but I didn't tell her because I didn't think she would understand. She sent me to the principal's office who knew I had AS and he said to just sit in the library for the rest of the hour and that I wasn't in trouble. I still hate gym and thankfully don't have to take any more gym in high school. I wish I had been excused and given a library pass instead.

I had to jump through similar hoops with my parents all through school. Luckily, my coaches were quite a bit more understanding and lenient that your daughter's sounds like. I participated as much as I could, but there were times where I would have to go find the coach and say, 'I need a break for a few minutes', and they'd just say 'OK' and let me go sit on the sidelines for a few minutes until I felt collected enough to join in again. That was in elementary school and middle school though. In high school, I didn't take gym, I took weight training, which turned out to suit me far better than running around pretending to like whatever sport the class of thirty or more was playing that week.

I found I liked the routines that came with weight lifting. Not just the repetitive motions where the goal was to do it x-many times the exact same way, but the schedule of which lifts we were supposed to which days. It was also nice that the whole time we were in class, we were allowed to listen to music either on the radio or on our iPods. We also had lifting partners, or trios, where each pair or group would spot each other while one person was lifting. It was a good system that catered to my preference for a small, close-knit group of people over larger, more impersonal ones. The two guys i was lifting with also became two of my best friends during my senior year. One of them even had AS like I do.

Anyway, the point is, try to find aspects of gym that are positive, and capitalize on them, and make sure everyone's on the same page; teachers, faculty, staff, parents, etc. If something goes wrong with a coach or something, with a 504 or IEP, you have every right to make a big deal out of it, if it's written or implied by the document.

Just out of curiosity, what message do you think that is sending? The only message I can think your daughter is receiving is that it is better to cause herself stress and problems than to avoid an activity for no other reason then arbitrary cultural norms.

If there was a good purpose, or perhaps a worthwhile cause then I could see that being a good idea. Because then you would be sending the message that you sometimes have to put up with unpleasantness in order to accomplish something worth doing. Telling your daughter that she has to clean her own room, even if it isn't fun, would fall in this category. Because keeping a house clean is important to proper sanitation, and it is well worth doing. Likewise, telling her that she has to take care of her pets would also be an example of taking responsibility, even if you don't want to, because it is important to do so.

But this is gym class, there is nothing worth doing. The only reason for her to attend gym class is because that is what everybody else is doing. There is nothing to be gained from going to gym class, it is merely an unpleasant event that she has to endure for no other purpose then to fit in. That sets a very dangerous precedent for your daughter. You don't want her causing herself problems simply because normal people do it. If she takes that message to heart, then she is going to ruin her life trying to fit in with everybody else, and that turns out poorly for everybody.

The message I don't want to send is that she has a disability that prevents her from attending gym class. She doesn't. I spoke at great length about this with my daughter's (private) OT. She KNOWS the extreme sensory problems my daughter has and she still told me that we should find a way to support or modify gym but not exempt (there is no exercise she shouldn't do-and she also has Developmental Coordination Disorder) . If my daughter figures out she can get an exemption from a class-believe me she would figure out a way to be exempt from them all.

Yes, gym class is difficult for her. But I am not one who believes in total exemptions when modifications could be sufficient. School is difficult for many, not just those with AS. I don't believe AS should be an excuse to not do something. It should be an explanation of why supports and modifications are needed and reactions are different. There are lots of kids who won't be the athletes adored by peers.

There is a good purpose for PE in my opinion, and while it doesn't exactly teach fitness, it does focus on physical group interaction, which can be a good thing for our kids if led well.

Time has shown me that PE does not have to hell for our kids, but it often is. It takes a special teacher and unusually inclusive kids to make it a positive experience, however, and that is hard to find. I admit that I consider it a really positive thing that my son has had many years he actually liked PE, and only one year where he hated PE, despite being pretty horrible at everything that has been taught; he isn't afraid to try, and he has found some sports and activities he really likes (but still is fairly awful at, but the goal is to move, right?).

I looked into exempting him from PE starting in Middle School based on things I had heard from our AS members, but the school refused; it's state law to take PE, and all their AS kids in the past had been just "fine" (we all know how much that doesn't tell us). The program grades solely on participation, and he does that, so he's actually consistently earned As. Within class, there is no opportunity for kids to tease him; the locker room, however, is more problematic and I had to demand that a teacher be actively present. Changing can be a problem, because tying shoes is so slow for him, so we bought bungee laces like tri-athletes use. We've been fortunate that gym noise seems to be OK; I guess he's just adapted over the years there (at age 6 I'm sure it would have been a huge problem, but PE in elementary was always outside).

Because my NT daughter has had some visible issues in PE, I've had several people mention applying for adaptive PE. I had never even heard of it, but apparently you CAN get a custom program for a child with some sort of handicap. There is a child at the elementary school who has it, and she gets a lovely little one on one PE class. Definitely something to look into if a child is struggling in PE for reasons that go beyond poor attitudes from the teacher.

Personally, I wouldn't hesitate to pull my child from PE completely if it proved impossible to get things aligned well enough to keep it from being a completely miserable experience. As someone who has had weight issues most of my life, I lean towards keeping the long term goal in mind: a child that stays active and enjoys it. If PE is miserable enough, the child will associate physical activity with negative experiences, and be less inclined to choose to move. If meeting the goal requires dropping out of the school program and REPLACING it with something arranged after school that is more suitable to the child, then do it. The message to send is that activity is really important for our bodies, and that it can be fun, too.

But, meantime, I would push for things like the right for sensory breaks (unquestioned), and inquire about adaptive PE. Keep reminding the school of WHY they have PE, and how the current situation miserably fails at that.

If you say so. My sensory issues were pretty bad through school and I refused to pull up my hair, change clothes, and I was absolutely terrified of people throwing things. I couldn't keep track of it all. I think P.E. is very incompatible for someone with "extreme sensory issues" of the avoidance variety unless it is a really small class, or one on one.

Well, my daughter is only 7 so perhaps PE hasn't become too difficult yet. As the years progress perhaps I will need to look at things differently.

This is a good discussion point.

I hated PE in school. I just hated it.

Hi Statmama, I think we know each other from the blogosphere

I think that if I could sum up the most meaningful and profound life lesson that my son's autism has taught me, it would be this: always challenge assumptions.

I think there's a belief that PE is good for all kids. That's an assumption. In my opinion, there isn't anything on earth that is good for ALL kids, excepting oxygen and love.

There is also an assumption that a child who is exempt from PE doesn't get the benefits of physical excersize and/or team work etc. This is true only to the extent that a parent makes it true. There are obviously a plethora of daily opportunities for individual and group excersize and how many, when, and what your child does is completely within your control: the school does not have a patent on teaching physical wellbeing or teamwork.

Another assumption I challenge, is the one that says your child will be labelled in a negative way/teased/singled out if they don't do PE. This may be true, but is not necessarily so. I think many of us assume that it would be like this because of how we grew up, but most of us grew up in an era of little to no inclusion or special needs integration. Anyone being excused from PE would be weird, but I'm not convinced it's like that now.

I do know that a child who struggles relentlessly in PE with a teacher who will not make the necessary accommodations - THAT child is going to stand out and be a target, and the feelings of inner failure, being the only one who 'can't' succeed at PE and the likelihood of teasing that ensues, THOSE feelings for a highly sensitive child can leave lifelong scars.

It's also important to remember that being excused from PE this year, doesn't mean it needs to be every year. Young children have more difficulty self-regulating than many older children/youth. If excusing her now means she will grow to be a more confident, happy, self-loving young woman, then perhaps that is her best shot at joining in with PE fully in the future.

Just my two cents

My son is only 5 now, and is in adapted PE. He has low muscle tone and dyspraxia, so I don't really see him participating in team sports. I agree with Caitlin that there are other ways to get exercise. If PE becomes a problem for him, then I will not hesitate to push for him to be excused. If he can't be excused, then I will look into a private school or home school him.

Thanks for all the feedback

buryuntime, I don't see how PE promotes fitness either. Seems more like a competition to me, and a nightmare for kids with autism or sensory issues. My children stay very active and I promote health at home where the impact will be greatest. PE class 30 minutes per week means absolutely nothing to the kid whose parents are giving him/her soda with every meal and providing no opportunities for physical activity.

DrHouse, I wish I could get a library pass for my daughter. At least she would be learning something of value that way.

Tracker, loved your comments about arbitrary cultural norms.

Caitlin, yep, we do know each other And I loved your reply here, well said.

angelbear, my son, nearly 5, has the same issues (hypotonia and dyspraxia), in addition to autism. Homeschooling is most likely in his future.

MamatoGrace, I get what you are saying about setting a precedent with excuses from classes, and I completely agree that everything should be given a fair try, modifications as-needed. The secondary issue we face in our situation is a manipulative, lying gym teacher who effectively turned the entire team against me by spewing a whole bunch of flowery acceptance crap - which had nothing to do with the issue at hand and could not have been more scripted if she read it off of a teleprompter. Do I want such an individual responsible for teaching my child anything, let alone in an environment that is disorienting at best for my sensory-sensitive child? Unfortunately, I cannot request a different gym teacher, or I definitely would.

In our province, kids get 150 minutes per week, and I believe PE is every. single. day. You can imagine the exponential effect this daily torture has on kids who do NOT benefit from PE.

These are the learning outcomes for PE where I live:

Movement
Safety
Healthy Lifestyle Practices
Personal and Social Management

Looks pretty good eh? Let's look at it through the eyes of a child with sensory and/or spectrum concerns:

Movement: forcing my child to move in proprioceptive and vestibular ways that he is either averse to - causing meltdowns - or that scramble his neurons (jumping jacks) into a fit of sensory dysfuntion for which he will then be disciplined because none of his PE teachers understand autism or SPD.

Safety: the part where you tell my son to play tag and touch people, but when he touches them too hard because of his neurological differences, he is once again made to feel like he has done something wrong, and is disciplined.

Healthy Lifestyle Practices: the part where you tell my son he should be playing team sports and drinking gatorade instead of going to his social skills group to talk about star wars. Also the part where you teach him that he should be eating boneless skinless chicken breasts and egg white omelets when he is neurologically unable at this point to handle the consistency of dry meat or rubbery eggs.

Personal and Social Management: the part where you try to get my autistic son to understand social rules in a 5000 square foot gymnasium with ropes hanging from the walls that he's not allowed to climb on and the shrill voices of 30 children reverberating off the 2 storey-ceiling being sliced by the blades of 10 massive fans that no one else can hear except him.

For some kids, PE will work just fine. But when it is doing more harm than good, which it does in my son's case, common sense dictates a change is needed.

This is precisely what I am talking about, Caitlin. Couldn't have said it better myself.