Symptoms Decreased?
Greetings,
I am about to start home schooling Sept. 7. Am really looking forward to it. My question is this...My son was diagnosed with AS in Feb. 2010. He was in school and was tormented and bullied and ostracized by teacher. He was on med for ADHD (Focalin then Intuniv) but the Focalin just produced tics and the Intuniv made him tired. He did not have to be on antipsychotic or anything else. Since I have had him home, He is off any meds and his symptoms have dranatically decreased. Has anyone else had this experience? I feel that he is in controlled environment and is home with me experiencing little stress and therefore his behavior is different. Is that a logical deduction? His psychologist thinks so and that all behavior would come back if he were in public school again and of course wants him on Strattera and Tofranil but I just don't want to do meds unless we have to. He does still have some social difficulties and awkwardness evidenced when he plays with neighbors (last week he was banned from ever coming back to one friends house). Any feedback is appreciated.
Our experience is similar but my son has never been on medication. He had a bad time in ps beginning in 3rd grade and we pulled him out after that. We will start our 5th year of homeschooling in 2 weeks and it's made a huge difference for my son. PS is not the place for my son to learn or to socialize- he is able to do both in controlled situations -he has learned a ton by being with his friend one-on-one vs. being in a classroom of 25 other kids (many who were bullies and just not very nice people). PS, for some, is a minefield of obstacles to overcome which causes huge anxiety - your son can relax now - he's safe.
I hope you enjoy homeschooling -feel free to ask any questions -I'm new here but it looks like there are quite a few homeschoolers.
Jane
If the only thing to be concerned with was scholastics, homeschooling would be preferred for our kids, but there is so much more to being able to be independent as an adult than good grades. The US Dept of Ed has reported that 85 to 89% of the HFAs and Aspies who graduate high school, even if they earn a degree or advanced degree in college, are unable to find or keep meaningful employment. They lack the social, executive function and life skills necessary to succeed. The only way to learn to survive in the world is to have to deal with it and homeschooling does not address those needs.
That kind of behavior is not unusual for Aspies and it is absolutely intolerable. The school is responsible for providing a safe environment. Period. Accepting 'bullying' as a rite of passage is crap. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry notes that 50% of all kids are victims and 10% are regular targets of this unwanted attention.
"Children who are bullied experience real suffering that can interfere with their social and emotional development, as well as their school performance. Some victims of bullying have even attempted suicide rather than continue to endure such harassment and punishment."
In fact, it has lead to several suicides over the last few years, including four girls in the Schenectady, NY school district, last year.
http://www.aacap.org/galleries/FactsFor ... llying.pdf
Dennis Debbaudt, author of "Autism, Advocates and Law Enforcement Professionals: Recognizing and Reducing Risk Situations for People With Autism Spectrum Disorders" is the father of a young man on the spectrum and lectures police departments and others involved with autism on the legal issues involved when cops are required to deal with auties. He does not accept the use of the term 'bully' when it comes to the torment inflicted by the aggressors in school. He uses the term ASSAULT and points out that if the same actions took place between adults, it would be grounds for criminal charges.
The accepted procedure for dealing with a bully is to have your child tell you when it happens, but as they internalize what happened, many Aspies see it happening because of something they did wrong to 'deserve' it and are embarrassed. If there is a sudden change in their grades, demeanor or their desire/willingness to go to school, it may be because they are afraid to have to face further incidents.
The AACAP offers the following,
Ask your child what he or she thinks should be done. What’s already been tried? What
worked and what didn’t?
Seek help from your child’s teacher or the school guidance counselor. Most bullying
occurs on playgrounds, in lunchrooms, and bathrooms, on school buses or in
unsupervised halls.
Ask the school administrators to find out about programs other
schools and communities have used to help combat bullying, such as peer mediation,
conflict resolution, and anger management training, and increased adult supervision.
Don’t encourage your child to fight back. Instead, suggest that he or she try walking
away to avoid the bully, or that they seek help from a teacher, coach, or other adult.
Help your child practice what to say to the bully so he or she will be prepared the next
time.
Help your child practice being assertive. The simple act of insisting that the bully leave
him alone may have a surprising effect. Explain to your child that the bully’s true goal is
to get a response.
Encourage your child to be with friends when traveling back and forth from school,
during shopping trips, or on other outings. Bullies are less likely to pick on a child in a
group.
Some of those suggestions may work with NT kids, but Aspies lack the social skills to be able to convince their attacker that they are a poor target and, with their processing delays, the old idea of punching their nemesis in the nose to convince them to back will usually result in the Aspie getting his block knocked off, not to mention being suspended, or worse.
Once you determine that they are facing harassment, record everything about the incidents. Notify the teacher and the school Principal immediately and demand, NOT request, that they see that it is stopped. The notification should be CC'd to the Special Ed Director and the Superintendent and ALL communications MUST be sent Return Receipt Requested, so you have a record that it was received. They may institute programs to help combat bullying, such as peer mediation, conflict resolution, anger management training, and increased adult supervision, but the key is to insure that your child is protected from their tormentor(s). Request an Emergency CSE meeting to deal with the situation.
If the administration is unable or unwilling to comply, there are several avenues you can follow to get the needed relief. The CSE can order a change of placement to keep your child separate from the thug, but that means your child is the one who will e moved. If the repeated incidents cause the child to be afraid, anxious, depressed, physically ill, etc. you are within your rights to have them provide home school services to keep them from falling behind and all other services included in the IEP.
Should the incidents continue after notifying the school, you can file a criminal complaint (assault, harassment, stalking) against the victimizer and ask the court for an Order of Protection to keep them away from your child. The 'bully' is often from an influential family that the administration is afraid of offending, so can be the most effective tool in getting action.
You can bring the matter to the state Dept of Ed for resolution. They have the power to investigate and order changes to protect the victim. NYS DofEd has an Inspector General's office which is responsible for seeing that the schools follow the rules and do what is necessary for the students.
The US Dept of Ed has the Office of Civil Rights (OCR), which makes sure that the rights of students in the protected classes (race, sex, disability, etc) are not violated.
The mission of the Office for Civil Rights is to ensure equal access to education and to promote educational excellence throughout the nation through vigorous enforcement of civil rights.
We serve student populations facing discrimination and the advocates and institutions promoting systemic solutions to civil rights problems. An important responsibility is resolving complaints of discrimination. Agency-initiated cases, typically called compliance reviews, permit OCR to target resources on compliance problems that appear particularly acute. OCR also provides technical assistance to help institutions achieve voluntary compliance with the civil rights laws that OCR enforces. An important part of OCR's technical assistance is partnerships designed to develop creative approaches to preventing and addressing discrimination.
http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/index.html
There is a complaint form on their website that can be used to get the ball rolling and they are more than willing. The DoJ announced that the discrimination cases fell off during the last ten years and they were charging OCR with pursuing the offenders aggressively.
It is also possible to hire a lawyer and bring suit in court for damages the district's failure to act has caused, but you will be required to show how the victim was damaged. That should include medial reports, including psychiatric reports, particularly if it was necessary for the child to be removed from school. Your documentation of your efforts to get the school to intercede will be invaluable, as will the pictures you take of any bruises and injuries sustained in the attacks or damaged clothes and belongings, etc. Prevailing in court can provide funds for their future, but it does little to punish the offenders and adds to the financial burden on the other parents in the district. You will have to decide whether your child will be able to explain what happened in court, too.
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You're 100% correct about less stress at home. It's his home court, the place where he is in his comfort zone. you have found out how to meet his needs and not push his buttons. The school environment is a whole new experience, but one which is usually manageable, IF the staff knows what they are doing and how to handle kids with these particular disabilities. Having to deal with unchecked aggression makes it even harder.
With the same teacher and assaulters, it's likely, but placing him with a teacher who has empathy and the knowledge of how to get the most out of an Aspie and no thugs would make all the difference in the world.
Our 4 1/2 yo grandson is HFA and was in an ESY program over the summer and went to day care for a few hours after school (to limit the load on his AS mother). School was fine, but he was expelled from the NT daycare program a week from the end because he bit a fellow student. That might be acceptable, except for the incident that took place there the previous day, when HE was bitten and no effort was made to show the other kid that biting was acceptable. He saw that biting was OK and, when given the opportunity, acted as he had been instructed. We didn't fight the expulsion, but did let the teachers and administrators know that their handling of when GS was bitten was inappropriate. He was only doing what they taught him the day before.
We had already made arrangements for GS to go to another day care program when school ended and he had a terrible time. The school called to ask that he be picked up on day 1. We thought it was a carry over from the other day care, but it turned out that they demanded compliance during nap time and he wasn't tired, so he refused. The teacher removed him to the hall when he had a meltdown and was kicked in the face. (How dumb, to get your face where it can be kicked by a kid in full tantrum mode?) That's when they called.
We contacted the SEIT (SpEd Itinerant Teacher) who had worked with him since last September and she accompanied him on day 2. She was there to teach the staff how to help him behave, but was ignored. Worse, the teacher(?) said, "Only four more days of him" and "Four days and I'll be rid of him" repeatedly while the SEIT was there and within earshot of GS! He had a fever and missed days 3 & 4, but returned for the last day and had no issues.
This week, he's attending a full day program with the day care he will be in after school this year and he has had zero problems. He loves them and they adore him.
Obviously, it's not the venue as much as the people he had to deal with and their attitudes. And we've seen the same happen to scores of other Aspies and ASDs over the years.
Since you are committed to homeschooling, you might want to consider doing it as a temporary measure while you get the district take action to make their schools appropriate for your child, as required by law. Let them know of the treatment that took place last year and that you demand that they provide the necessary services while that make his placement a safe and nurturing place for him (and the rest of the 50% who suffer the same abuse).
Read up on the school's responsibilities and your rights at www.wrightslaw.com. The US Supreme Court has affirmed parents as full members of the CSE, with veto powers, so you can get the school to do what the laws demand of them, not abuse the kids they are supposed to be helping.
If you sue, establish a special Needs Trust for the funds, so they will not interfere with his ability to receive SSI and Medicaid.
What to do about his teacher - at the very least, the Principal should be notified to see that the teacher is trained to deal with predators and that it is imperative that they intervene to protect the victim. You can take it to the district level or file a complaint with your state's licensing board if the system is unwilling or afraid of taking action.
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I'm sure that there are many homeschooling parents who will disagree with me, but, while I love homeschooling to eliminate the social and political indoctrination kids get in the PS system, there is no evidence that homeschooled Aspies do any better at being able to live independently as adults than the 11 to 15% success rate of those who received the best of what the system had to offer. In fact, by separating them from the input and behaviors of the rest of the world which they will need to deal with, they will be at a distinct disadvantage If they develop fears or anxiety about being around people, the isolation can amplify it, making it difficult for them when they are expected to be able to work for a living. Being with real people in the real world is something that can’t be provided at home.
You’d be shocked to know how many parents we see at the Parents of Adult Aspies group we help facilitate, who still have their brilliant Aspies living in the back bedroom, on SSI, with a menial job (maybe) and playing video games or computing until the wee hours. They were expected to perform as the schools promised - to graduate college and be able to live productive lives and are now in their 30s or 40s. Ours is 27, has a son on the spectrum, but can’t find a job. She has 60 college credits and earned her cosmetology licence yet . . . Her 30 yo significant other is also an Aspie, who dreams of being another Bill Gates, but delivers sandwiches at lunch time. And they went through PS.
I love this one and hear it so often but will respectfully and vehemently disagree with this. ....so the only way my aspie son will survive in the world is to deal (at age 8 -when the bullying began) with the bully that is a foot taller and 30 lbs. heavier than him? That's just one of the examples of the survival techniques provided at ps.
My son does not sit in the house all day with me - he goes to museums, classes, field trips, to his friends house for hours at a time - that's not socialization? Here's what happened at ps - he had to sit in a group of 4 -desks facing each other (wonderful for an aspie) all day and the other 3 at the table were mean, horrible kids. He sat alone at the lunch table -he was shunned and actively bullied on the playground. he was 8 and 9 when this was happening. The administration were unresponsive and I made the decision I wasn't going to waste my son's time while a bunch of bureaucrats got their acts together....3 month wait for an IEP meeting and in the meantime all the stuff is still happening to my son? No way - I will never (God willing) put him in ps and he will and does get real life experiences and socialization.
Please quit spreading the notion that homeschooling = kids staying at home all day long...that is so misleading and not true.
I really don't think that any of the research out there is going to be reliable. You're assuming that everyone with AS was diagnosed. We weren't. Many of us live what some people would define as "normal" lives, but suffer higher than average levels of social anxiety or depression because we fit but we don't.
Children will thrive if they are in an environment where they feel supported. That can be at home or in a public or private school setting. The major problem with most public and private schools is that they're trying to force all children to learn the same way. It's just not realistic and it makes no difference if the child is labeled in some way or not.
I really want my son to be able to attend school with other kids, but I can certainly understand why some parents would choose otherwise. My child just turned three and already had two very bad experiences in "learning" settings. If your child is around people who have no patience and see your child as a problem, it is far more damaging than teaching them at home could ever be.
I think it could go either way. Being an ASPI and going through the school system was complete hell and I never thought it would get any better (I didn't know I had asperger's until a few years ago). I can't say one way would be better then the other but homeschoolers need to get the social interaction some how. I find it better for my son to be in school in his special class with a few students. I can't imagine trying to do this at home with him just beacuse of the way he acts alot. I think he would just try to get over on us and get out of things if he were at home.
Everyone is different, you just have to try things and see what works best.
I think it could go either way. Being an ASPI and going through the school system was complete hell and I never thought it would get any better (I didn't know I had asperger's until a few years ago). I can't say one way would be better then the other but homeschoolers need to get the social interaction some how. I find it better for my son to be in school in his special class with a few students. I can't imagine trying to do this at home with him just beacuse of the way he acts alot. I think he would just try to get over on us and get out of things if he were at home.
Everyone is different, you just have to try things and see what works best.
Skipping the debate later in the thread, I will say that I am very much for the "control the environment" approach.
Yes.
I'm the mother bear who says shelter the kids, honor their needs, until they feel safe and secure enough to venture out a bit. I realize that can be overdone, but the general principle applies. Once they have a few tools under their belt, they can confront the difficult and stressful situations in ways that hopefully will not require medication. My AS is not on any medication and probably never will be. My daughter is most likely ADD but we're keeping that fairly well to ourselves because we think she can learn to manage it without medication, as well, and she agrees.
The goal is, of course, to get them ready to leave the den. We aren't supposed to hold them in, just make them safe. My son had some experiences this summer that, if I had known about the details before hand, I probably would have asked him to wait. Yet, both he and my husband feel he was better for it. A challenge he does not want to repeat anytime soon, but one he was ready for and felt he grew from.
As the principal at our school likes to say, a parent's job is to make kids ready to face the world on their own by age 18 (although, as an Aspie parent, I think maybe we get to extend that to 22 ). Whatever path you choose, you do have to make sure it leads out the door at some point.
But I absolutely do not feel that point has to be today.
Trust your instincts. My guess is you've got it right on.
_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
EduAdvocate, I haven't had a chance to read the responses to your incredibly ignorant response - and I mean "ignorant" in the academic sense not the insulting sense - so perhaps others have already enlightened you. Your assumptions about homeschooling are limited, uneducated, and inaccurate.
I homeschooled my son this past year because of trauma he suffered in public school. Prior to that, I can safely say I was just as ignorant as you are. I made assumptions about homeschooling, I laid unfounded judgements, I blindly and uncritically accepted societal stereotypes about homeschooling.
Wow, what a little autism does to open your eyes!
My son has made IMMENSE strides socially in the past year because he was not being bombarded with messages from teachers and peers that he was weird, annoying, or unwanted. He socialized in smaller groups on frequent field trips - smaller groups that led to successful social interactions that he can now build upon gradually in larger and larger groups - rather than perpetual failures at socialization in the mass chaos environment known as institutionalized schooling. He learned how to conduct himself - recognizing and managing his sensory overload - in structured activities and classrooms during karate, swimming, and social skills class. In a nutshell, he has 'dealt with the world' INFINITELY more in a homeschool (which is more aptly named 'out in the world school') than he ever did in an institutionalized (more aptly named 'in the box') school.
Homeschooling this past year for my son made him happier, better regulated, more confident, and more aware of his differences and gifts. He is now more aware of his challenges and how to build a strategy year by year to overcome them. He wants to try school again and I am letting him. But if it begins to erode his sense of self-worth, then you can bet I will homeschool him for as long as it takes to ensure he knows how much he is loved and valued in this world.
Homeschooling my son has meant that he is EMPOWERED, rather than DEFEATED.
If you want to improve your child's odds for success as an adult, empower them in their childhood. For some kids, that means homeschooling. Your own introduction defeats your argument, as you state that kids graduating from PS are not successful in keeping employment, therefore homeschooling is bad. Huh? Wouldn't that indicate that PSing is NOT WORKING?
If you truly are an advocate of education, and not merely of schooling, then you will educate yourself about homeschooling and it's very real benefits for many children on the spectrum.
*steps down from soap box*
[quote]I'm sure that there are many homeschooling parents who will disagree with me,
yes, you found one.[/quote]
thanx for the validation.
I love this one and hear it so often but will respectfully and vehemently disagree with this. ....so the only way my aspie son will survive in the world is to deal (at age 8 -when the bullying began) with the bully that is a foot taller and 30 lbs. heavier than him? That's just one of the examples of the survival techniques provided at ps.[a/quote]
I certainly don't agree that your son, or any other child, should be required to handle a giant alone, but that's what the school is for. As I said, it is their responsibility and there are ways to see that they do their job.
Not really. Unless he is going to museums, etc., by himself and having to deal with the situations independently, he is not learning to deal with adversity and the issues he will have to know how to handle. He's with friends, not people who love to see the 'dummy' get into trouble and will do everything they can to bring about his failure. The other activities are chosen to protect him from difficult situations. That won't prepare him for dealing with the predators who lurk in every venue, looking to feel good about themselves by making others feel like crap.
If there was one thing that was eminently clear after being on the CSE for the better part of 10 years, it was that the squeaky wheel gets the most grease. Schools love parents who they can buffalo into giving up. It gives them another $35,000/year to spend on sabbaticals and basketball and the opportunity to laugh themselves silly. This is year five and they won the $175,000 jackpot.
So, you allowed him to be abused for a year or two, but couldn't wait 3 more months to get them to remedy the problem? It would have been within 60 days (by law) if you demanded an "Emergency IEP" meeting be held. There was no reason to subject him to the torment. You could have kept your son home after getting a MD's opinion that he was suffering from the constant abuse and that he could be damaged further by attending school before the issues were resolved. You were within your rights to demand tutors to keep him on track. If they resisted fixing their problem, you could have requested a transfer to an out of district placement (public or private), where he could learn without the trauma and have it paid for by the district. And all of that was available without any of the outside agencies I noted earlier. Some parents have seen success weeks after going over the district's head to their state Dept of Ed or the Feds.
Please quit spreading the notion that homeschooling = kids staying at home all day long...that is so misleading and not true.
I'm sorry, but you are the only one equating homeschooling with being chained to the kitchen table. Would "something that can't be provided in a non-traditional environment" make you happier?
The point is not whether you are doing a good job, but if he will be able to be independent and know how to act and behave around others when it's time to move on. Aspies lack the social skills needed to understand how to act at school, at home, with his peers and at work. How are you going to meet that need? After years of PS, many of them still don't get some of the nuances, but they do understand that there are limits. Can you get him to know what they are? In school, they get to see Jackie grow breasts and learn that it is not acceptable to see what they feel like. They hear off-color or racial jokes and that it is not permissible to repeat them. Are you ready to deal with that? How about the dozen girls he will need to practice his approaches on, so he knows which ones NOT to use? If he gets that wrong on the job, it means being fired or arrested. And that just touches upon the social skills issues. Then there are the life and exec function skills to address. The Ed laws require that the schools address these issues as well as academics. Any less is failing to meet compliance. They are and that makes them vulnerable.
Take your vehemence and anger to school and make them eliminate bullying, so your son can benefit from inclusion with his peers. Get the district to use the ASD awareness and anti-bullying programs which are available, starting with preschool. Volunteer to help institute the programs. Join the CSE. Run for the School Board. Your efforts will benefit your son and all of the other kids who face the same issues. Fix the system and it won't be necessary to run away from it.
The founder of this website homeschooled for his high school years, and then went on to successfully complete four years of "normal" college, give speeches, and make videos. I believe he considers those homeschool years to have been a positive turning point that gave him the ability to move forward successfully. And the time to sit down and program this entire place.
I know many families that should not be homeschooling, but I'm not finding them here, on this website. I have seen nothing but positive. We don't consider homeschooling to be a controversial choice on this board; we're pretty behind it as a viable option that WORKS, when done at the right time with the right child, at least. You are raising concerns that reality simply does not support. There is little to be learned from the fleeting social phases of middle and high school students that is necessary to life as a college student and adult. AS kids seem to do quite well being allowed to just skip it all and go directly to learning the core rules for adult social life.
My son is in public school and will stay in public school because him and I have agreed that we would not be successful trying to complete his schooling together; it's in the dynamic of who we are as individuals. But I know many, many homeschool families and I will support to the symbolic death their right to make that choice, without anyone trying to convince them of negatives that are, as far as I can tell, sheer myth.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
Last edited by DW_a_mom on 26 Aug 2010, 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm sure that there are many homeschooling parents who will disagree with me, but, while I love homeschooling to eliminate the social and political indoctrination kids get in the PS system, there is no evidence that homeschooled Aspies do any better at being able to live independently as adults than the 11 to 15% success rate of those who received the best of what the system had to offer. In fact, by separating them from the input and behaviors of the rest of the world which they will need to deal with, they will be at a distinct disadvantage If they develop fears or anxiety about being around people, the isolation can amplify it, making it difficult for them when they are expected to be able to work for a living. Being with real people in the real world is something that can’t be provided at home.
You’d be shocked to know how many parents we see at the Parents of Adult Aspies group we help facilitate, who still have their brilliant Aspies living in the back bedroom, on SSI, with a menial job (maybe) and playing video games or computing until the wee hours. They were expected to perform as the schools promised - to graduate college and be able to live productive lives and are now in their 30s or 40s. Ours is 27, has a son on the spectrum, but can’t find a job. She has 60 college credits and earned her cosmetology licence yet . . . Her 30 yo significant other is also an Aspie, who dreams of being another Bill Gates, but delivers sandwiches at lunch time. And they went through PS.
There is no evidence that the homeschooled kids do any worse, either.
In fact, there just is "no evidence."
When a parent sees a child failing to thrive, they will do whatever they can dream up to make that change. If that means they want to try homeschooling, they should try homeschooling. You follow your instincts and do ANYTHING to mix up the game and improve the chances.
I don't think there is a one size fits all answer on why some kids fail to acquire the skills needed for independence. There isn't a one size fits all answer for stacking the odds in a new direction. But when you see your child headed in a direction you know isn't going to get them where THEY want to go, you will do everything and anything to change that. Why shouldn't homeschooling be in the mix of options? Because you worry about what they'll miss? It isn't good enough for me.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
Caitlin -
Your own introduction defeats your argument, as you state that kids graduating from PS are not successful in keeping employment, therefore homeschooling is bad. Huh? Wouldn't that indicate that PSing is NOT WORKING?
We know the public school system is not working, but that DoE statistic includes ALL high school graduates. If your child makes it through graduation, the diploma will be from your local district or the state. Homeschoolees score higher on tests, but with less practical experience to build a social skills knowledge base, they become less likely to be able to find and keep meaningful employment. Homeschooling is not bad, but the end product is better educated and happy and just as unlikely to be able to make it on their own. You may not agree with the stats, but in dealing with scores of parents of adult aspies, how they were schooled made absolutely no difference. Fewer than 15% were successful.
FYI Caitlin - We homeschooled our daughter after she was sexually assaulted in middle school, so please take your enlightened opinions and assumptions out to the back yard and bury them. While she was in respite, we had her placement changed, had the perps arrested and placed in a residential community and convinced the district to embark on a campaign to eliminate bullying and teach everyone about disabilities, teachers, staff and students. She was reintegrated into the mainstream slowly, but at her request, and was successful scholastically. Unfortunately, nobody realized the importance of teaching the necessary transition skills and she is still not able to find a job at 27.
When I give a talk to a room full of parents of Aspies, I feel like Scrooge's Ghost of Christmas to Come, because we were where they are, full of hope and expectation that the next treatment or intervention would do the trick and she would come out of it. We, too, believed the school, when they promised that they would have her ready to be accepted to college. Well, they were right, but it a meaningless promise. Open enrollment meant anyone could get into a college and she wasn't ready for independent study or to go to work. Neither were her AS friends. They had all been sold short. The parents were full of talk of cures, recovery, rescue and I was there to tell them that they should prepare for their child to remain in school until they age out at 21 and to apply for SSI at 18 and so on.
As it is with spectrum issues, there was disbelief, denial, understanding and eventually, acceptance. A few were angry that their vision had been tampered with, but it's better to be forewarned and take action than be surprised when it's too late.
The posters here are in universal agreement that the schools suck, but you'd rather run away than stand and fight. Don't accept their garbage, make them fix the system. Enlist the media and, since the politicians need to justify their existence, write them, call them and visit their office to leave your message that you demand they fix the schools. Then use them. You're paying for them.
As I was on the CSE, my focus was to do what was right and best for the student. That often meant I backed the parents, but if the school was working in the kid's best interests, I advocated for them. My support is for the kids in this instance, too.
Eduadvocate, I thought you information on anti-bullying was excellent, and I thank you for it, but I am having a hard time understanding why you are so opposed to homeschooling when you say "it makes no difference" on the statistical outcome.
Reading the posts on these boards, I do know it makes a difference somewhere: in how happy the kids are as adults, and how resentful they do not feel against their parents.
I don't know the answer for making our kids independent, but it sounds like forcing them to stay in public school isn't it. So, why push so hard on that?
I have told parents outright to expect a longer road to independence. To plan on it. Our kids acquire virtually every life skill at a later age than NT kids; I started to see that before my son was 8. Why should a parent then think their AS might be ready to leave the house at 18? Of course they won't be; half the NT kids aren't, either. I fully plan on overseeing my son's development and skill acquisition well into his twenties. He isn't going to rid of me until he's is ready
I don't think it is very useful to burst hopes and dreams without a viable plan for changing the outcomes. So, we're still in the experimental stage, trying to figure out what plans might work. For us, we've been careful not to coddle our son on life skills, and he has taken on actual leadership roles through scouting. He gets sent out into situations that make my hair stand on end until he gets home ... but I know I have to let him. He wants to tackle these challenges, and as much as both my husband and I still see all the ways he fails, the scouting leaders actually think he does great.
I have big dreams for him, but they are getting chipped at by reality daily. Still, he pulls things out of a hat when he most needs to; that is his big talent, and I hope it will help make his future more viable. I want him to dream his big dream, but we've got him acquiring less shinny work skills that we know there is a market for (he is already learning computer programming, for example, and he is only 13). He tried to get an unpaid job this last summer, and learned how things don't always pan out. He'll try again next summer. Meanwhile, I watch and tell him where he did things that didn't help his odds.
He is very high functioning, and that helps, too. He has never used an aid at school, or anything like that. I keep a sharp eye on his social interactions and spend time hammering into him the basics he is oblivious to. Will that be enough? Who knows. He's crossed a few crucial hurdles we had worried about, but there are more to go.
Regardless, I can't see how homeschooling becomes an issue. You point to things that kids can realistically skip; my son's current social issues involve things that simply will not exist in his adult life, and I tell him that. So what if he doesn't ever learn middle school slang? It's only good for a few years, anyway. So what if he doesn't understand middle school dating? He doesn't want to do middle school dating, and the dating rules when he is older will be different. He has a lot less trouble learning the social rule and customs of adults because they are, simply, less fickle. So, we focus on those.
Anyway, I'm up too late and rambling. I do understand your concern, but I don't see how what you are advocating does to accomplish the goal.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
Sorry EduAdvocate I'm not, nor will I ever be a crusader for the public schools - I will be a crusader for homeschooling though! My son was in the gifted program in ps and just based on academics alone homeschooling is a better choice for us - he wasn't challenged at all in the GIFTED program...at home he can learn at an accelerated pace in subjects he's good at and at a slower pace in subjects he needs help in.
I still find it hard to believe that you think the ps classroom is the only setting my son can learn how to be socialized. How about at church where he is with a lot of kids his age (and no they are not his friends) actually I dislike the setting because it is too similar to ps. How about at the local comic book store where he enters card tournaments- With again...kids that are not his friends. How about at the homeschool classes (which again are with not his friends) How about at a restaurant- where I make him order his own food and speak to the server properly? I make him go to the bank with me and properly make a transaction into his savings account? I could go on and on.... I question why ps is the best and only place for that? Sorry I just don't believe that other 13 year olds are the best people to be teaching my son how to behave- kwim?
Running away? No it's making a different choice and just because ps is the majority choice doesn't mean it's the best for everyone and I don't think it's worth the fight. I'll fight for different things for my son - not the right to be in the public school environment- why would I fight for an environment that is no good for my kid?
I am curious, where are you getting your 89% unemployment rate.
I have searched the department of education website, and other websites like the department of labor, and I find no mention whatsoever of the employment rates. As far as I can tell, that is simply a number made up by fear mongering people, much like the mythical 80% divorce rate. Can you post a link to a government website which shows the unemployment rate?
I have no doubt that the unemployment rate amongst autistic people is higher, but 89% just seems ridiculously high.
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