My son was just diagnosed with Asperger's. HELP!

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My son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. I'm not sure if I'm in denial or if he really doesn't have it. I'm a psychology major in my second year and have a hobby of exploring different psychological disorders. I, myself, have mental health issues as well so I'm very familiar with a lot of these things but I just don't think that he has it.
He is a very social 4-year-old boy named Adyn. He is incredibly smart for his age. He can count by ones to 104, and is already counting by fives and tens. He also knows all of his letters, colors, and shapes and can read 3 letter words. This is all because my husband and I introduced him to these things at a very young age and taught him well.
6 months ago he was diagnosed with ADHD, which I definitely believe that he has. He gets excited and hyperactive to the point where the veins in his neck flex because he's talking so loud. But, he only talks loud when he's excited. His dad does the same thing along with his grandma, aunt, and uncle. They are of italian decent and naturally talk loud. When they realize how loud they're being, they promptly correct their tone until they get overly excited again. There is no history of autism of any kind in his family.
Adyn has gone through a traumatic time in the last year when he was separated from my husband and I at gunpoint and is just now being transitioned back home. This seems like a reason for him to be acting out, but my husband and I have still seen no evidence of Asperger's, whatsoever. Also, he has the stress of a new baby being on it's way.
We believe that it is normal for a child to be upset and to have a difficult time with change and then to be separated from us on top of that, would be reason for things to be exacerbated.
I am worried because the foster parents are considering medication for him when I don't believe that he needs it. Please let me know if I am wrong, or if I should get a second opinion. The last thing I want to do is to make things worse by ignoring a problem if it really exists.
-Concerned mom

If you want a second opinion, you should get it from a professional, rather than asking us to decide if it's Aspergers or not - because it's impossible for anyone here to know that from one post, especially when we've never met your son.

And remember, is your son does have AS, it's not the end of the world, and that acceptance is the best cure.

At that point, i stopped reading.

And btw, Aspergers is not cancer, the majority of those who have it are not kids and most of them have gone through life (true, with some hardship) without ever even knowing... There are worse things to worry about, your kid could become a... *ugh* reporter for some sleazy tabloid

Yes, you're in deep denial, and your hysterical tone shows it (you do realize its not exactly proper form to come into a forum populated mostly by Autistic people and talk as though having Asperger Syndrome is the most horrible tragedy that could ever cast a shadow across your life - Hell-loo, we're right here.).

First, your son's intelligence is not in question - there's a reason Hans Asperger referred to his young patients as "Little Professors". Given the range of very real handicaps we deal with on a daily basis, "You can't have Autism, you're not ret*d" is one of the more annoying stereotypes we run into.

I will tell you, one of the most frustrating attitudes I encounter is the notion that because I don't look or act stupid, and don't have a visible disfigurement that I can't possibly have a real problem. If your son does have AS, insisting he doesn't, may only be denying him access to services and assistance that he desperately needs. Those of us who grew up in an era before AS was commonly recognized and diagnosed can tell you what a trial it is to go through your life being abused and mistreated by those around you for being different and never knowing what made you that way.

Which brings me to this idea that there is no history of Autism in his family. There's not likely to be any history of Asperger Syndrome or HFA in either family, since it wasn't included in the diagnostic manual until 1994, so nobody was looking for it. I'm 51 and was only diagnosed two years ago. I'd never heard of Asperger Syndrome until I was 45. Since I was diagnosed, a female cousin in her 30s has been DXd with AS as well, and as I've learned more about it and become familiar with its influences in my life, I'm now certain beyond doubt that my Grandmother on that side had it, too.

Frankly, you don't give enough information to even hazard a guess, and few here will, generally speaking, simply because we're not mental health professionals and it would be irresponsible to diagnose a stranger over the Internet in any case. Only rarely have I felt confident enough in a stranger's posted description to say "Yep, sounds like you're definitely Aspergian"
Its not a death sentence, its a disability. If he is Aspergian, he'll live. He'll just be presented with a set of problems and challenges most people don't get saddled with. Its hard, I won't lie, but its what you got to work with, so whaddaya gonna do, eh? You still get up every morning and pull your pants on one leg at a time and swagger out into the melee, 'cause ya gots no choice.

All that said, I personally believe medication is absolutely the WORST possible thing you can do to anybody with Autism, unless there's some other overwhelming necessity for it. There is no medication effective for treating Asperger Syndrome, and giving someone meds for it - especially a child, whose brain is still forming - is cruel and irresponsible in the extreme. Give kids a chance to develop their own coping mechanisms for dealing with their shortcomings, before you start playing pot luck with their neurochemistry.

BTW, being social as a child doesn't necessarily mean anything - I was a very outgoing 'class clown' as a young boy, but I was still inept at forming individual bonds - I acted silly because I didn't know how to connect with the other kids normally. And I worked in Radio for over 30 years, so I have great control over my voice - most of the time - but I do tend to get kinda loud when I start babbling about one of my obsessive personal interests. Until someone points out that I'm getting too loud.

Last edited by Willard on 11 Aug 2010, 4:20 pm, edited 4 times in total.

+1 Willard

And also, the kid is four. Contrary to what people may tell you, diagnosing autism as ASAP isn't always productive in that it could be inaccurate. Most people are diagnosed at around the age of 10. The most you can do is be supportive and understanding, no matter what diagnosis the kid gets (if any).

4 years old is a bit too young to me to determine whether any child has any problems. The only real signs of Asperger's that are clear in childhood is if a child seems to be antisocial and would rather keep to themselves someplace quiet somewhere. You need to be more specific as to how exactly is he lashing out. Is he lashing out because you're trying to interact with him? Or is he acting out on his own with no cause?

See this is where I think parents and doctors have it all wrong about diagnosing autism in kids. It's not seeing what the child is doing...it's about what the child is NOT doing.

At least that was my case. As a baby/toddler I was often sitting in corners not because I had a time out but I was interested in them and would stare at them for hours.

Maybe I am wrong here but try not to go nuts. I would had the child reevaluated again. Perhaps it is just PTSD.

I'm also with Willard, on this one.

Four is a little young to know if he needs medication for ADHD. (Willard's right; there's no medication for autism, though some autistics take medication that helps related things like depression, anxiety, ADHD). That he's managed to learn a lot of the stuff that many kindergarteners learn, a year early, says to me that he's not impaired by ADHD to such a great degree that you need to medicate right now, unless there are other issues such as dangerously impulsive behavior (like when a child can't inhibit himself well enough not to run into the road or jump off something too high, etc., or when he impulsively hits other children). I don't know him, of course; but there are ever so many things that can and should be tried before giving medication, especially to such a young child where you don't know whether the hyperactivity is just active little boy. (But don't deny him medication just on principle; it can be a helpful tool. It's just not a silver bullet, that's all.)

When you say he is "social", do you mean that he approaches other people? That doesn't rule out autism if his interaction is odd, clumsy, or one-sided. For example, if he doesn't have the idea of how to play cooperatively, if he doesn't understand how to have a conversation, or if he lectures about things he's interested in without letting you get a word in edgewise, or if he uses odd speech and inflection patters, he may easily be an autistic extrovert. They do exist; I know one in real life, a college student studying theology who knows many, many other students, all the professors in his department, most of the secretaries, etc., who loves to interact with people but who is very eccentric in his style of interaction. Autistic extroverts make up anywhere from ten percent to a quarter of the spectrum, in my experience.

Your talking about how intelligent he is also doesn't rule out autism. Plenty of autistics are intelligent. We have a few here who are in the top tenth of a percent, as far as processing power goes, and a lot more who have shown a lot of talent in some area or another, from writing to music to mathematics and science; many of us have college degrees and a few have PhDs. In fact, intelligence can mask autism to some degree, because we tend to memorize conversation strategies, memorize rules for social behavior, memorize small-talk patterns, etc., and substitute that for the intuitive ways most neurotypicals do it. I memorized an idiom dictionary when I was a kid, for example...

Four years old is not too early for diagnosis. But this hysterical "OMG he's DEFECTIVE!!1!" approach is not exactly constructive, however much all the pity/fear-inducing "awareness campaigns" push it on parents. If I had my way about it, I'd shut the whole lot of them up, with the way they're scaring parents out of their wits when their child gets an autism diagnosis and all they know is the pity, fear, empty-shell, kid-rocking-in-a-corner stereotype that doesn't in the least represent reality. (I do rock in corners sometimes, granted. But usually it is because I have had a very stressful day in my engineering classes.)

Autistic means different. It means you will need to learn useful skills that'll help you cope in life, and will need extra help with some things. But it is not wrong, it is not a disease, and it is not a tragedy. It is simply a different sort of brain. I wish people would get that. It would make it much easier for the parents when their kid got diagnosed if they only had a realistic picture of autism, not this fake-"epidemic" hysteria, like your life is ruined if your kid isn't magically replaced with a non-autistic one.

Suggest you google the Autism Hub. It's basically a list of blogs written by parents, autistics, and a few professionals about a lot of topics, life with autism being one of them. I find that the more you know about something, the less scary it is.

I have read all the posts and think you are getting some fairly good advice here.

I respect your education, but a second year psychology major isn't qualified to diagnose. As a parent you are more than qualified to ask for a second opinion.

Your son's AS, if he actually has it, will not be made worse by anything anyone either does or does not do. However, getting him into a stable home where he is understood and properly nurtured can make a lot of difference for him as his life continues on.

I doubt that any of us could have put it more succinctly than Willard already has. All I can hope to do is add extra weight to his words with a few of my own.

My advice would be to focus on learning how to understand your son and viewing his AS -which I am sure was not diagnosed without good reason - as a difference, not a curse. Like Willard, I went through childhood, adolescence and early adulthood without understanding that there was a reason why I was 'different' to other people. Although I do not look back on my life with regret, I believe I might have had an easier path had I been diagnosed at a young age.

Assuming the diagnosis is correct, you have a chance to help your son to overcome the challenges he will face because of his condition - no differently to how you would help guide a Neuro-Typical child through to adulthood and beyond. I hope you will learn to see the positive side to his early diagnosis.

Finally, I especially agree with Willard with regards to medication. I think the long-term benefits of learning to cope with AS without medication will easily outweigh any short-term benefits of narcotic obfuscation.

Medication is not an evil thing. I need quite a bit of it just to function, and so do many other people. If he is living with foster parents, it doesn't sound like you have much control over the situation (correct me if I'm wrong). And if it is indeed Asperger's, 4 is fairly young to diagnose it. Clearly the doctors saw something that made them think "Asperger's." Have you looked up the criteria? There are many "types" of Asperger's and ASD out there... we don't all fit into a little box or sterotype of "when you think ASD." I surely don't. Just because your son doesn't fit your mental picture of Asperger's doesn't mean he doesn't have it. Not saying he does, because that's not for me to decide, but I would do some hefty research on a good pediatric psychiatrist or neuropsychiatrist and take him for a second opinion, if you're still unsure.

Willard is over 9,000! I was going to pop off on this one, but he took everything I had to say. Poo. Now I'm left with 'ditto'.

Willard wrote (in part): ...All that said, I personally believe medication is absolutely the WORST possible thing you can do to anybody with Autism, unless there's some other overwhelming necessity for it. There is no medication effective for treating Asperger Syndrome, and giving someone meds for it - especially a child, whose brain is still forming - is cruel and irresponsible in the extreme. Give kids a chance to develop their own coping mechanisms for dealing with their shortcomings, before you start playing pot luck with their neurochemistry...

---

Willard - Agree with you 100%. - pgd

It is much harder to tell when there isn't a lot of information. Aspies are incredibly bright. You might try doing some more research on it. My Ftaher was misdiagnosed with ADHD (don't tell *him* that) and he has Asperger's .