My 4 year old with PDD NOS has began hoarding

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Hello all,

My son was DX PDD NOS last summer. We have a handle on his peculiarities for the most part. (by no means am I saying we have no problems, lol) But lately he has began hoarding, EVERYTHING! He has is 'pack-pack' plus his small roll-a-long suitcase plus a medium sized gift bag PLUS the floor board on 'his' side of the car full of stuff (he likes all his bags and things to stay in the car untill he needs or wants them, which means that he may need to go to the car during dinner because he 'needs his books'). Its all things that either have been given to him or things that he has taken a liking to. Its small toys/clothing that he likes the most, but he also has an array of mail flyer's, candy wrappers, small rocks and papers from his school. He gets very upset if something is moved or isn't where he left it or missing. (melt downs, tantrums ect.) He doesnt play with any of it. He likes to take it out and categorize it, or just know that its all there.

Im worried that this is a start of an unhealthy habit. His control issues about his 'stuff' are getting out of control. His specialist just said that its nothing to worry about as long as he doesnt collect harmful items such as food, sharp objects combustibles and such. It started with just his back pack, a week later it was the suitcase....Now its starting to take over my car!

He has very little and poor language skills so its hard to discuss this with him.
What do I do? Am I a bad mother if I try to stop this from escalating? He seems to need to do this to be calm and happy. Is there a way to manage this that I dont know about? Has anyone dealt with this as an outsider and been successful?

Im getting to the desperate point! Please help!

Honestly, this is pretty normal for many kids on or off the spectrum. I think ways you can control it, if you must, is to not allow any more 'containers' for stuff. Like saying, "X, you can have these three bags, but if it can't fit, you'll have to decide which things you can't have in that bag. These bags are for your absolute favorites, OK?"

He's developing an attachment and as long as it is under control, that's fine. Trying to discourage it could lead to other problems - like hiding his stash from you. My guess is very soon he'll outgrow this need and move on to something else. And stop watching Hoarders to make you all worried he'll be on the show some day.

I never hoarded but I had my "favorite" objects I carried around with me, I talked through them (using them to talk for me like puppets), meltdowns if they went missing, and I would often obsessively sort things over and over as a child.

I still carry around objects with me sometimes but I certainly do not talk through them anymore or depend entirely on them, and I'm not one to sort anymore. I also do not like anyone to touch my things. Maybe your son has anxiety issues or is afraid he will forget something when leaving, and that is why he needs things perfectly packed and "expected" so no change will occur. One of my siblings doesn't play with toys either; all her toys get lined up across the entirety of her room making it difficult to even walk in there.

I don't think it's a cause for alarm. Actually, I find it kind of humourous that I spent my whole childhood talking through objects and nobody seemed to show concern over it (that I'm aware of, at least I was never evaluated or taken anywhere professionally) yet things like that are a bigger issue today.

Woot! Another hoarder!
Band together brothers!

Just kidding. A bit.
Really, it depends on how far this goes. If he's constantly (every day) interrupting family events over the same things every day then he's going to have to start learning to get these things before dinner (or whatever event) and have them nearby before the event begins. Make sure he knows WHY you want him to do this - interrupting dinner makes mommy and daddy unhappy.

Now, as for space in the car. He's going to have to learn at some point that space is limited. You've already allowed the packages he already has. Those you're going to need to allow him to keep and use as he already is using them, until he decides to change.

If he asks for another... do this. Buy two stackable 'moving boxes' (or three if he has a preference for that number.. or if he tries to bargain). Tell him he can use them to store stuff, but they must be kept in the bedroom closet (or under the bed) and cannot leave his bedroom. Establishing rules and expectations before granting him more "storage space" items is the key to controlling the issue. Giving him more than he immediately needs allows you to state "This is it. No more space after this" long before he runs out of space - plenty of time for him to see the end coming (thus reducing validity of tantrum/meltdown). It may also help him put a final lid on the 'phase'.

By all means, take or leave this advice. Modify it to suit, etc. I've often been told that my advice sounds dictatorial, and though I don't intend it to, I think this might be one of those cases.

- Cheers.

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Last edited by Willard on 04 Oct 2010, 1:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Thanks for the advice guys.

I do not mind a collection. I have collections. Collections are great ways to express ones likes and interests. But this is something that I dont know how to handle because of the lack of language/communication skills. Asking why he is doing this or trying to negotiate a compromise seems to fall on deaf ears. I understand the idea of certain items offering security.

I guess it would be safe to say that if it were only toy cars or perhaps writing tools that it would be easier for me to deal with it. Then I could say to myself "He like X Y & Z so these things are important to him". But, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for his hodge podge of items.

I think I will try the storage bin idea. It seems the easiest to communicate to him.

And for the record: no, I do not watch Hoarders. I do not find joy in the misery of others. But I had watched my father, who had Aspergers, start extreme hoarding the last years of his life. It started out as antiques, things he planned to sell to secure my mother's future, and ended with trash. It made life for my mother and himself difficult. He died 3 years ago and my mother is still trying to sort things out. I simply do not want my son to get to the extreme of my father. Nipping it in the bud and all that jazz lol. I would, however, like to have it manageable for Wyatt's, my son, and our family's sake.

My 11 year old PDD/AS son did that, from exactly that age too; collected all sorts of rubbish aswell as more "normal" toys, and it did my head in, but I "allowed" him two extra boxes to put hodgepodges of small stuff in, one for "treasures", and the other for "wrappers, old straws, bus tickets, junk" :lol, and three bigger boxes for his plastic pots and funny plastic packaging shapes, etc, and another for cardboard stuff, and another for "metal" things.

He's still got them all, but he hasn't looked at them for ages.

And he has stopped collecting/hoarding! ( except for books, comics, Lego Bionicle and Mars Mission models, and his hundreds of drawings, etc that is :lol )
.

If he were my kid, I'd probably just draw some boundaries and let him scream. But I have AS and a much longer attention span so I can out stubborn him.

I'm not saying that's the right thing to do. I'm just saying that's what I'd do.

I'd let him have his rocks but I'd limit him to one "carry on" pack.

Ah but you see, there really isn't much in the way of a logical reason as to why anyone likes or collects any non-vital item.

People generally collect things because they like something about them. Why do people collect crystal figurines? Why would anyone pay $80 for a piece of glass cut into the shape of a poodle? It's silly if you think about it. But some people just like that stuff. It envokes something in them.

When people on the spectrum collect "odd" things, the reasons are really no different.

This, I can understand. When I put some serious thought into, I think I have found a connection. Most of the things he 'collects' are things that he has been told are his. He and his brother are only 13 months apart in age, so they share quite a bit of clothing and toys. Maybe its his way of having some individuality. We do try to give them person stuff as often as possible. But, sometimes its not always feasible financially.

This is actually all quite normal. A kid claiming what's his as his and wanting to guard it. Just with his autism, it's probably a little more hyper-focused on MINE. But, he'll outgrow it, I'm almost sure of it, especially if you don't make it a big deal. I think you are having a hard time seeing it's OK because of what happened to your dad, but this is not the same thing, so try not to let your mind wander there.

One of my twin sons did this too. I also think trying to keep his own things, instead of sharing was part of it. We just made some rules, like no keeping perishables or collecting things that are germy (ie used bandaids/kleenexes), and then limited it to a few carrying cases. I was worried about it back then too, but just in the last year he has suddenly let go of most of his collections of stuff with no promptings from us. He was just ready for some reason.

I'd just like to say that I'm 26 and I have collected rocks and stones since I was crawling (I'd crawl outside, put some in my mouth, crawl back inside, spit them out and play with them.) I don't have the SAME rocks, but I still have an infamous fascination with rocks and wanting to have them (I may or may not have stolen a few I liked from fountains and the like as recently as this summer ) I also still have an eraser collection that started with a magic school bus eraser that I got when I was about 6 and was fascinated with.

My daughter is 5 and less of a collector now but she usually has several special toys she needs to have with her at certain times and develops attachments to unusual things (I will never forget the empty febreez container she carried around and took to bed with her whens he was about 3). She does remember every toy she's ever liked and often will ask years after about one that I got rid of because it was old/broken/no longer played with and become upset because she no longer has it.

I agree with everyone who said, create some boundaries, he will learn to do it within the boundaries, and it's important that even with his ASD, as every other child is, he is given boundaries, kids thrive with boundaries

Good luck!

First of all this is their way of dealing with the world and I live with a teen with Autism that has done this since the age of 4-5. He hoardes and collects,needs to have "his stuff" nearby-not touched and safe. I do have a psychologist I work with and she tells me Ryan needs to do this as a way to bring order to his mind so I allow it to a point. It is workable. I've made it a point to have his objects doubled in case he loses one. I do at times get irritated but it's who he is.