How do other aspies cope with babies, young children..

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Do not get me wrong love both of my boys, probably too much and if anything to soft with them.

But did find it extremely hard when they were younger, was never able to let them cry - the noise was too much at times. I can remember when they were babies running down into our basement (lived in a big old house in the UK then) and just screaming out of frustration.

I just could not handle it when they cried, you could say most mothers are all like that, but this was so intense, and the stress and anxiety the crying would trigger in me was unreal. Of course I coped with it in silence like lots of parents do, in the fear that I would be told I'm a bad mother.

But they were both pretty full on, needing to always have things to do, both fussy eaters and quite hyper... and the list goes on....

When they were younger, I became so good at pretending to the outside world I was more than perfect - but keeping the pain inside.

I never knew I had aspergers then, and did/do my boys still working on that one now, well with the older one anyway. But they are so much like me and we really do get on now they are 14 and 9. I think since being diagnosed we understand each other better.

my hubby who's aspie had such a difficult time listening to them cry....really quite painful to his ears

easy, I don't let them cry.

It goes against human nature and it is a croc of self serving lies when parents say that "crying it out" it is best for the child.

It is human nature to cringe and attempt to remedy the situation when a baby cries. It is human nature because that is the only way the child has to communicate his needs.

I don't think either of my kids who are 15 months and 29 months, one Autistic, one Williams syndrome have cried for more than a few minutes at a time ever, and both their "conditions" make them extremly sensitive compared to "normal" children. We hold them, we accept their communication, we taught them to sign, we love them, we take care of them.

Sure they cry, a lot, but never when we can actually do something for them (so basically never for long periods of time).

It is unfortunate that so many people have been duped into thinking that if they don't ignore their instinct and their natural parental duty to attend to their children when they are upset that they are somehow failing their children. I believe quite the opposite.

Letting children cry is culture.
Attending to children when they cry is nature.

My son who is the most affected by AS in our household used to just HATE it when little kids would cry -- he especially had a hard time at church. I think it was the sudden, piercing noise that bothered him the most.

Now, he seems to be used to it, and really likes little kids and babies.

Kris

I agree with Shaggydaddy. And that's how I handled it. I wouldn't let them cry. It's gotten worse as my 9 y/o has grown- she has screaming melt-downs at times and I really have a hard time dealing with those, but she is sent to her room to calm down: behind a closed door, it's tolerable. My 5 y/o mildly ret*d son also has meltdowns and tantrums- usually when he doesn't get his way, but we do the same with him- send him to his bed to calm down. After a few minutes, both kids are usually fine, like new, like nothing had happened. They just need time to work through it and chill out. My 9 y/o has a LOT of sensory issues, especially noise-related. Her 4 y/o sister is quite the "bug", tease, and annoys her to no end. She is squealy, happy, and very excitable. Her high-pitched squeals get to me too, but they REALLY get to my 9 y/o. We got her some noise cancelling headphones and she listens to music when she is irritated by sister's noises.

I also have used music to "center" me. I don't use noise-cancelling headphones cuz I need to hear what the kids are up to, etc, but I find that soft music really helps me with my sensory issues: I listen to jazz, singer/songwriter, and classical mostly. I am able to block out a lot of excess noise and concentrate on the music. Zoloft has also helped. LOL! It has mellowed me out a bit so I don't feel so wound up in the first place. I'm able to handle a lot more sensory input due to my more mellow mood.

I generally can't stand the sounds of babies and little kids crying. It irritates the you-know-what out of me. I find myself wondering why the parents can't give the kids something to calm them down, even though I logically know that it's just how babies communicate. Although I read somewhere that occasionally, babies cry because they like the sound of their own voice. I'm wondering if the baby's parents are as irritated by the crying as the general public. Interestingly, the sounds of older kids crying (ages 4+ or old enough to verbalize the reason for crying) not only doesn't irritate me as much, but sometimes even evokes a sympathetic reaction on my part.

Does anyone else feel the same way? What is it about babies crying that makes it so much more irritating than older kids crying?

I went and bought an mp3 player and some headphones that seem to block out most of the noise.

I am a rather insane mother of 4 of my own kids and dayhome mom to 3 toddlers, soon to be 5 actually. I have had parents comment on how calm my house is and how quiet the children are here. They have to be. I would lose my mind if they were out-of-control and loud. It is easy to maintain the calm and we have our outside time every day to burn off the excess energy. I did the same with my own children. My 7 year old daughter knows that if she wants to yell, sing loud and play noisy games with the 2 dogs, she needs to go out in the yard. My teenage sons know that after 9pm I want quiet upstairs while I knit, read, watch TV or use the computer. They can be up here but they have to be quiet. Otherwise, the basement is their domain. They have a TV, computer, video games, a table and chairs for board games or whatever, and can eat down there as long as they keep it clean. It took awhile but they have learned to respect my need for calm and quiet. It helps that they all have sensory issues and 2 of them have AS. They aren't rowdy kids.

I couldn't stand babies as a kid. They were gross and ugly and it made me angry because people found them super neat or something and I found them ugly and gross. I also hated being forced to hold them becuase often they were dressed in fabric that made my skin crawl if it touched me. Plus their skin felt werid. I used to have a hairless pet rat, and the few people who were brave enough to touch her would comment on how gross she felt, that's how I feel about babies. But the rat didn't bother me. Plus it was just weird knowing the thing (baby) was looking at me and following me around the room. Bany animals don't open their eyes until their so many weeks old. I made up my mind at 4 that I was never having kids (or getting married).

I love tiny babies - but other peoples young children annoy me. they are alright as long as they keep their distance.
I was very sick when my children were young - they exhausted me. I loved them so much - this in itself was exhausting.
I got M.E. / chronic fatigue from overload. I was so sick, I thought I was going to die. I lost heaps of weight - I had allergies to just about everything - even tap water.
When you have children, it is very hard to get time to yourself.

My kids drive me crazy with all their noise, sigh. My toddler likes to complain about everything by screaming. My HA daughter talks non stop but often doesn't make sense. I need quietness but it is very hard to achieve also my two don't like going to sleep at night so don't get any peace then either. I have to leave the house to get some quietness. Today both kids are at daycare so it is quiet. The only problem is I need to clean the house and do some work (self employed). But all I want to do is chat, relax and enjoy the peace and quiet.

I've always been pretty good around babies and young children. Except when I was a young child as I was pretty much always at odds with my peers.

I like babies, but I don't want to hold other people's babies. I would feel bad if I did something wrong. Cats are easier for me.

I did not let them cry. All three of my babies were nursed on demand and I wore them on my body or had them in my lap almost full time. I have been reflecting on this as of late (because I have a hard time with touch) - I think it was ok because I saw my babies as an extension of myself.

If a little one would not stop crying I most often just danced (swaying back and forth, rocking back and forth, etc.) with them. There were a couple of times with my first two children, who tended to be fussy, would not calm down and I got quite overwhelmed. I would put the baby down and go into another room until I calmed down. Once I tried driving but I really hate driving so I only did that once :p

I don't feel so comfortable with other people's babies as I did my own. But I do really love babies. I want more. Babies are my obsession I write a website about pregnancy and baby care But I don't let them cry. Little babies are communicating something with the cry and when their need is met they stop. With bigger ones I try to help them communicate in another way. With words, picture cards, or some such. I have a hard time with whining and tantrums in my young children now.

I've never seen babies as anything more than a big, smelly mess and I wonder why people say they are cute. Even when I had a strong desire to have my own children, I thought 8 would be the perfect age to start at (adoption) and wouldn't consider going younger than 5.

skrimpy
"I did not let them cry. All three of my babies were nursed on demand and I wore them on my body or had them in my lap almost full time. I have been reflecting on this as of late (because I have a hard time with touch) - I think it was ok because I saw my babies as an extension of myself"

Your comment as many others got me thinking, maybe aspie mums just can not let there babies cry, I do know lots of NT's mums who seem to be able to, but I never could however exhausted I was!

and just like you Skrimpy "nursed on demand and I wore them on my body or had them in my lap almost full time" I was the same with mine. I also have problems with the touch part, but not so with my boys the special bond and closeness that I do not seem to be able to have with others is not a problem with them.

I know its normal to love your children unconditional, but for those of us who experience emotional problems with other adults and contact. It is strainge that we can give so much to our own children, but not to others hardly at all.