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I was just talking with my sister about the upcoming holidays... we both have issues with overeating, especially sweets, so it's a hard time of year for both of us.

She mentioned during the conversation how she has a problem every Christmas because our stepmom loves baking cookies with the kids.

Her kids, that is. In my son's 9 years of life, she hasn't once baked cookies with him. Or babysat for him. Or done anything outside of family get togethers.

We live about an hour away, just about the same distance from them as my sister does. But they're not a part of his life.

While I'm ranting, my son has also never received one birthday/christmas/anything present from his uncle, my half-brother. This party is partially a belated birthday for both my son and my nephew, whose birthdays are very close together. If he brings a present for my nephew and not my son, I am going to lose my s**t.

My son came in while I was writing this, to give me a huge hug. THEIR LOSS!

My MIL has several pictures up on her little entry dresser of SIL A plus husband and kids, one of the whole family shortly before marriages and grandkids, and one of SIL B with her husband. Even though we send my MIL pictures, not a one is on the entry table. We live the furthest away and she sees us the least; you would think she would want pictures up of those she has the least opportunity to see but, no, apparently not.

I hope the kids never notice.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking I should send a FRAMED picture, as a hint. And just in case finding one of her dozens of stored frames really is too much for her.

It really is a shame that these relatives cannot have more unconditional love for these children. Even though my MIL gets on my nerves about some things, I am very fortunate that she just adores our son for exactly who he is.......She has 7 grand children, and I think she has more pics of our son up than any of the others! Of course he is very cute!! !!

I am sorry Willaful, I hope your son gets a gift too! DW, I think that is a GREAT idea of sending the MIL a framed pic!

I have actually gotten much fonder of my in-laws in the last few years, because they have been so accepting of my son. He's just another grandson/nephew to them. I only wish they all didn't live so far away and he could spend more time with them.

Framed picture and a card that reads "Family is Forever"



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> Uncle fails to bring a gift?
> Hand him a gift you and your son wrapped up together. "You obvviously had trouble getting your act together to find my son a gift, so here - you can give him this one to save face."
> Uncle feels like a turd.

Not to be rude, but....... Since we are dealing with Aspies every day - why would we be trying to figure out hints with family.

Why can we just say: It is wierd for the kids to see pix of their cousins in your house and not them. They wonder why, so I thought I would get you a current one.

How about; I heard you spent the day making cookies with xxxx, how fun for both of you! It occurred to me that you and DS don't seem to get that kind of time together. I know that dealing with DS' AS can be challenging, but I would really love to find a way to get you two together. How can I help, so you don't miss out on one another?

Now in my family, I have an aunt (childless) who keeps sending me all sorts of links to AS websites and telling me"if there's anything I can do to help.......". I finally wrote back and said that I'm OK on the research side. What DS could use is time with family. He doesn't need to be taken anywhere or shown anything - he just needs time with those that love him. She said - "I heard you, I get it" (kindly, I might add) and of course has scheduled zero time with him. It is just too scary for her.

It doesn't mean tht she loves me less, just that my family is out of her league of capabilities. It's not about us, it's about her.

Kailuamom, what are you doing being all mature and reasonable?

My husband agrees with you and doesn't take it personally at all.

Nah - I don't think it's that I'm all that reasonable - just the Aspie side of me (no dx, just traits) comes out - I don't get hints. You can hint until you are blue - I WONT GET IT! So people that love me have to "just say it".

So - pretend the family is your aspie kid - would you hint with your kid?

Also - keep in mind this stuff is genetic. There may be no dx, but if there's a genetic link....... We could all be in the same boat with missing some cues.

I'm sure any of these folks posted about would be horrified to hear that they are hurting you or the kids. Let them in on how to help. If they don't help, know it's not about you.

As usual, my freak out was for naught. The party was terrific. I felt like my family finally got to see his best side, or at least his better side. He played with his cousin -- two years younger, a perfect age difference for him. We're talking about trying a sleepover for the two of them. He was also invited to be in on a cookie making party. (Horrors, I hope my family isn't reading this board?! )

He's in such a good place right now. It makes me so happy. He's still his own, delightfully different self, but enthusiastic, participatory, flexible (within reason.) Able to be part of a family.

The biggest issue seemed to be him keeping track of who everybody is. We do talk about who we're going to see, but of course he is faceblind. Maybe I should make a point of showing him who everybody is when they arrive, or we arrive, and point out things he can use to identify them.

I wish there was a "like" button! I am just stoked that it was good for all of you.

If the family is reading this it would be awesome! 1st, it says they care enough to try to figure y'all out. 2nd it shows that they care how you feel and want to fix it. Does it really matter if they inherantly know how to hand things or need to be taught? Well, I sure hope not - because I inherantly miss a lot!

All of that said, I doubt they are surfing WP.

I am super happy for all of you!