Teen Attitude

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Anyone else noticing a lot of "teen attitude" in their AS teen?

Isn't there a lot of "teen attitude" in every teen?

Yes, but AS teens have teen attitude with knobs on.

I had a "teen attitude" as a young child. My mom says that as a toddler, and young child I was worse than all three of my older brothers combinded but she says that as a teen I was better than all three of them combined. I think it was because I was finnaly being homeschooled and no longer had to feel as if I could never let my gaurd down.

I guess it is just super-duper attitude! It seems like teen attitude times 1 million!! I exaggerate, but this is so much more intense than my older girls. I just thought AS would mean less attitude during the teen years.

my 14 year old aspie boy thinks he and I should just be room mates now because he is not a kid anymore.
I told him when starts paying half the bills, and looking after his own needs we can be roomies

I would like to add that in my daughter's case, her teen attitude started when she was 2 and has kept going for the next 15 years.

Yes, when my AS daughter was little she had HUGE meltdowns over everything, but she was also confused a lot, so I guess that's why she was always tantruming. Also, there was an innocence about her until about age 13.

Now at age 14, I can't believe the change. She has been at the same public school since she was 3 (small town, pre-K through 12 school), with the same kids so she has always had friends. But, now, she wants to be so perfect, to avoid embarrassment...perfect hair, perfect clothes, etc... it is an obsession. (I know all young teens like to fit in, but the intensity of this is overwhelming!) It is so intense that it causes meltdowns if one hair is out of place. She will refuse to go to social functions if her shirt wrinkles in the wrong spot, or if one bobby pin won't lay the right way. She raises her voice to me immediately if I ask anything, like "How was school today?" she will reply "I don't want to talk about it" with a shout. She raises her voice about everything and clams up and stares straight ahead and then stays in her room for hours. She can't take a joke and she doesn't like to go to family things. One day, she did not want to go out with us to celebrate her older sister's birthday. She wanted to stay home, but we made her go anyway. She sat at the restaurant table during the dinner, did not order anything, stared straight ahead with a scowl and texted me several times "can we leave?" We had her put her phone away, so then she just sat and stared off into space with a scowl. If she doesn't want to do something, she will create a black cloud over the entire event just by her stone face stare and constant questioning of "when can we leave". We have gotten to the point of not making her go to certain family functions because it stresses the rest of us out so much we can't enjoy it.

I'm confused...is she turning more NT, or is this an AS trait among teenage girls. Like I said, I have 2 older daughters, one is a teacher and one is in college and I NEVER had this type of trouble with them. Not this intense!

Comments, advice, suggestions, encouragement...please!! !!

It sounds like she is being a typical teenage girl with a nice layer of AS intensity and rigidity attached to it.

Sounds like fun ... I can only ... wish you luck

Ok, sorry, I feel I should try to be more helpful, but I don't know if I can be. Your AS daughter isn't suddenly NT, but she is trying to fit in, and she is experiencing all the moods any teen girl will go through, including that need to disassociate completely from her oh so embarrassing family (part of establishing her own identity and very normal). I think most families just try to get through it, leaving their teens with lots of rope just not enough to seriously harm themselves. Keep clear your expectations, and the reasons for them, and help her when she wants your help. I can certainly see how it all gets more dramatic and frustrating from the AS, but I'm not sure if it changes the overall prescription - some things kids just have to go through in order to grow up.

Thanks for the insight, it is helpful just being able to vent and to be heard!

I am trying to keep from asking her a zillion questions about her day (she loathes questions), I am trying to "only help when asked" and I am trying to change my expectations! Today was a better day...so far!

Well you know my front on the AS little sisters issue. My 10 year old little sister (not spectrum BTW) Is rude rude rude! Example: I want to watch too! (talking about wanting to watch tv on the cell phone) I said "that episode is from 2 weeks ago it's not new.) WHAT?! ! She yells rudely. She is constantly telling the 8 year old SHHH! or Shut up. etc. (under her breath BTW) shhh shut up (in a whisper tone) With her rudeness there are good days/bad but it's becoming more and more common. Whether this is a disorder or normal into a teen phase I'm not sure. Also alot lately she has said "I don't like these!" (As in her new shorts from just a few months ago that we bought for school time). I told mom perhaps it's peer pressure X friend doesn't like those shorts but mom was like "She hasn't worn these to school yet." I was like oh. The complaint was too baggy/small/tight *insert* another excuse. We are hoping she gets good marks this year in school. She got good grade wise but class behavior the last Quarter wasn't good. It's IMO sad my 10 year old sister exhibits these teen behaviors at 10!! !!

Yes, I guess I bought into the stereotype when she was little and assumed that she would not care about "fitting in" when she was a teen, but I was waaayyyy wrong. Thanks for your insight. Elaborate more if you wish. This is all new territory for me.

*Edited for spelling

Hi Nikonrox , I had to laugh there you could be talking about my daughter! The stony face, wanting to leave, black cloud over events she doesnt want to be at, its her to a T.
She definitely got more intense in every way with hitting puberty, I'd always thought her teenagerish since , well forever actually, but little did I know what lay ahead. Also my daughter used to be very affectionate up until last year; loved to hug me goodnight, I had to hug her teddy bear as well about 10 times before I could leave, now thats all gone out the window and she wont even let me say good night to her, not allowed to touch her, have to stand in the doorway of her room, not set a foot over. Also she hates questioning , just like your daughter, well she tolerates one or two but then loses her cool , and gets so cross after that, its like 0-100 in 3 minutes. I'm learning how to ask just those one or two and then get out while the goings good.
I do the same as you, ie dont insist on her coming to every function you'd like her to, much less stress all round.
It is tough, and it's all learning as you go along, but it helps knowing you're not alone in this , there are other parents out there, (like me) with similar daughters.

It's good to know we are not alone, catbalou! Some days are better than others, that's for sure. I am learning the "2 questions and then I'm done" routine, otherwise there will be unhappiness all around. Some days we bond really well...those are the days I treasure!

so then, if the NT behavior is a positive thing in our asp/asd teens, then why must it be asserted in such a BIGGER way in our kids, than in NT teens? i don't get moody and rude and peer pressure. in a very real way, it feels like he's regressing back to his formative years, when his only modes of communication were screaming and tantrumming.

now we get ANXIETY, ANGER, DEFIANCE, AGGRESSION from a very sweet kid, who i used to be able to understand better. i feel like i lost my guidebook that we've built over the last 10 years. the wonderful techniques we used and developed for avoiding meltdowns, stressful moments, transitions, now have no effect. if anything, using them just fuels the fire. he's always yelling at me. and never dad, just me. when things go wrong, when anxieties go WAY up, he comes and seeks me out. I'M THE STRESS BALL.

anybody else experiencing a similar situation? I used to be his buddy. and now, i'm grendel's mum.

ty! this is a wonderful forum, btw...always been a reader, but this is my first post.