My two year old niece.

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I am currently in the process of getting a diagnosis but just noticed that my niece reminds me a lot of myself as a child. I suspect my niece might be autistic but am scared it might create more problems than it will solve. Her mother and father are separated and are always fighting and it will give him something to blame her for since it seems very prevalent on our side of the family. She wouldn't smile for a picture even if you begged her to. She stands creepily close to people so often, I find myself almost trampling her. She is 2 years and 5 months and can only speak 10 words either screaming or softly (so funny hearing her call my nephew). She only recently started actually liking to be hugged (before she would just give a dirty look). She throws tantrums if you take something from her and don't ask. She is oddly fond of soft things. When she was painting she did the same thing over and over again like she was on repeat (dip brush in water, brush on plate, dip brush in water, etc.) Same thing with brushing her teeth and she does all this with the biggest smile on her face. She smiled so rarely that I never noticed her big teeth (sorry they are quite big). I feel tempted to hint to my sister by joking that you gave birth to a little version of me but knowing how much my sister thinks of me I am worried she might overreact to the possibility that her little girl being autistic. I think she is the funniest little thing but I know a lot of people have already commented on how introverted and grumpy she seems. So should I hint/tell my sister that she should probably get her checked with the pediatrician or should I let her figure it out by herself?

I think it is a little early to put a label on the child, and nothing you mentioned is conclusion. As long as she is meeting the key goals of the doctor's office on target, the best thing for her right now is to just be loved for who she is, whoever that is.

It is really hard to definitively diagnose AS in a two year old that is verbal and has no obvious problems. All two year old's are socially challenged, after all. It is when the child grows and fails to absorb the lesson her peers absorb that it becomes clearer.

We all enjoy seeing ourselves in our relatives. For now, just have fun with the ways you see her being a mini you. If issues start to rise and you see your sister searching for answers, THAT will be the time to bring up your observations.

Sometimes, it is easier to address the more "tangible" things than the more "intangible" ones, so rather than tell your sister that you suspect your niece might be on the spectrum, you could express some cautious concern about her speech. Ten words seems like very limited speech in a child who is almost two and a half years old. The modulation (screaming or whispering) is also "off." Are there any other little ones in the family? Maybe a bit older? If there are, and their speech history is significantly different, you could suggest that your niece be checked by a speech and language pathologist. That's a relatively non-threatening evaluation, and if it's done through the folks who do the early intervention services, they should pick up any other issues that might be presenting as well.

If your niece is on the spectrum, and speech is the only issue that's really presenting right now (if there is a speech issue), that may be the only thing that needs to be addressed right now. It's often hard for family to know what is "presenting," because family rightfully accommodates to their members. But if there are any fine or gross motor delays that no one is noticing, it should be picked up on and services should get started.

Ah, jat has a valid point on the speech. Seems I read your sentence differently, and now I realize wrongly. I suspect your sister and her doctor are already discussing that issue, though, aren't they? When a child is behind on speech, it would be a rare parent who hasn't noticed.

Back in the "old" days speech delays weren't considered a big deal, it was just the way some kids were, assuming they seemed engaged in the world, at least. My friend's son didn't speak until he wasn't 4, but he was clearly engaged in the world and communicating, so they just joked that he was such a perfectionist, he was waiting until he was sure he had it perfect. Sure enough, when he did talk, it was in full sentences. I'm not convinced all speech delays are issues, but it is one of the signs that a parent needs to dig a little deeper.

I don't think she has discussed it with her doctor. She doesn't see a regular doctor and from what I understand unless a parent points something out doctors usually don't want to stir those type of emotions unless it is severe. I also caught her echoing what my other nice had said but to no one (she had a spacey gaze on her face). I think I will wait to see if any other symptoms present themselves. I haven't seen her interact with anyone except her cousins but she rarely initiates interaction with other kids at birthday parties and doesn't seem interested in what they are saying. She understands when you speak to her so I know that is not the issue. My nephew also has had speech problems as well as myself (my parents thought I was mentally challenged and the rest of my dad's side still treats me like I am even though I have a Masters degree in engineering). He has been diagnosed with ADHD. I was smart enough to get past the attention problems but my nephew has been at risk of failing at times because he would oscillate between doing well and then getting bored and acting out with aggression. For now I think I will just observe her and try to assist behind the scenes unless it starts to affect her quality of life.

It's great that you are approaching it from a positive perspective.

Language delay is the classic flag for autism, but from what you've said it seems a bit uncertain.

Does she show obsessive interests? For example in stacking blocks? It probably sounds trivial, but my AS daughter loved stacking blocks over and over again. My Mostly NT daughter has been mostly indifferent.

Regardless of how things progress, I hope that you stay close to your niece and she accepts you as a special friend.