Meltdowns/Picking battles

Post Reply New Topic

How do you handle them? Avoid them? How would you have handled this situation ?

Just a bit of background first. Ryan is 11 and was very recently diagnosed with Asperger's. He has had a bad week, I believe secondary to Halloween and the lack of sleep that happens because he gets too excited around holidays and the candy. We actually just bought his candy off of him for $25 dollars because we have seen a major increase in bad behavior.

All week since Halloween, his lips have been very chapped. He is a lip licker and it has been cold and windy, and Halloween night he started with the lip problem, was crying at night because his lips hurt so bad. I had Aquaphor and Blistex. He is okay with the Blistex but can't stand the sensation of the Aquaphor. I'll be honest, I have such a hard time understanding this. Towards the end of the week, the skin around his mouth started to crack and look infected. I bought some antibiotic ointment, and he has allowed me to minimally put some of this on, with a lot of bellyaching about the way it feels. This morning it is definitely looking better. My husband wanted to take him to our nephew's football game. It is in the 40's and windy here. I said fine, but he would need to put the Aquaphor (which is like Vaseline) for protection so we didn't wind up where we started tonight. It turned into a major battle. Exhausting, crying on the floor, name calling, anger, etc. After 20 minutes of this, he finally put some on himself, but definitely not enough to be majorly protective, and I let him go.

So, how do you handle situations like this? Do you let them learn their own lessons? Because I know from past experience he doesn't really learn these lessons.

Truthfully, I would probably have done exactly what you did...but as an armchair quarterback - I would make it clear that you understand that the Aquafor is extremely difficult and not going to the football game is an OK answer.

An aside - you might check in with his doctor to make sure it isn't a fungal infection, which won't respond to an antibiotic lotion. Nothing to worry about, he'll just prescribe something different, but it may help it clear more quickly. I am also a lip-chewer and still struggle with this issue as an adult.

Yes. Give him the option of going or not going based upon how he intends to deal with the matter of his lips out in the cold, dry air ... and not as a matter of correction or punishment, but simply as a learning experience as he continues growing toward adulthood.

Interesting about the fungal infection. I will keep an eye on it and if it doesn't keep responding, will call the pediatrician.

The problem is that he desperately wanted to go to the football game, he loves this particular cousin, so there was no right answer. I was fine with him staying home with me, but he wanted to go and didn't want any parts of the aquaphor.

Looking back, I was thinking that maybe we should have never even offered the football game as an option, and just did indoors type stuff for the weekend. At least we could have avoided the battle.

I am thinking when he comes home and is calm, we should talk about this. I was thinking that maybe I should say, I know the Aquaphor is uncomfortable, I believe you, but I also know how much it hurt when your lips were doing really bad and I know the Aquaphor will help them to get better, so that is why I had to insist on your two options (Aquaphor or stay home).

Thanks.

Yup, I'd agree - and I think also recognize that when there are two high-stakes issues in conflict with a kid on the spectrum, meltdown is nearly inevitable, having nothing at all to do with parenting. Maybe the only thing to do is control the time and place?

my youngest is a lip chewer and its common for him in winter to have big rings of chapped skin around both upper and lower lips. he cant stand any type of ointment, so we usually just use liberal applications at night after he falls asleep. sometimes more than once a night. we use carmex in the squeeze tube.

for an older child, how about buying a pile of various chapsticks, and let him try them out? see if there is anything that both works and he can stand to use. surely there is something that has an acceptable smell, taste, and texture. even if its one of the soda flavored ones that isnt medicated but would keep him from chapping. if you can find one he can stand to use every day, then hopefully things wont get to the severe point.

I think it's best to let the child/teenager learn from his own decisions. Present him with both choices, and explain the consequences of each: (1) he doesn't wears the Aquaphor, doesn't have to deal with the greasiness or whatever else bothers him, but has to have chapped lips afterwards, or (2) he wears the Aquaphor, has to tough out the discomfort, but doesn't have to deal with the chapped lips afterwards. Let him pick the lesser of two evils: the greasiness of Aquaphor or the pain from chapped lips (one time isn't too harmful). What was harder to deal with last time, and what is he more willing to tolerate now? If he refuses Aquaphor, at least make him wear Blistex, because lips need to be protected, and it's better than nothing.

I'm wondering at this point what people used to protect their lips in wintertime before chapstick was invented. It was probably cooking oils or rendered animal fats.

Hello there.

First off, welcome to the forums, I don't recall seeing you post before, so I am assuming you are new.

Secondly, I can tell you from a personal point of view that having chapped lips is NOT FUN. I have that problem myself, as I tend to chew on my lips. It is especially bad in the winter, and it can be REALLY PAINFUL. Also, while it may seem odd to you, I can guarantee that some of the lip balms out there can be worse then the pain that is already there. Stuff like carmex really does burn, like spraying iodine on a wound. And the petroleum jelly stuff is all gooey and feels sticky.

What you will want to do is get a tube of chap-stick, that doesn't have any 'medicine' in it. They come in a couple flavors, like strawberry, and what not. These don't work quiet as well at repairing the damage done, but they do work well at preventing more damage if used often. I usually wind up using chap stick about once per hour during the winter (more often if I am outside). It helps to calm the pain, and also provide a little bit of a barrier. Over time, the lips will scar over and heal on their own, without the used of carmex, or other iodine based lip balms.

I would recommend buying a variety pack of chap sticks, like shown here:

http://www.amazon.com/Chap-Stick-Variet ... _sim_hpc_2

You don't need to buy these online, any store will have them for sale. But get the variety pack, and maybe a brand made for kids, and try them out to see which one your son likes. You can then buy that brand in bulk. And give your son a new tube of chap stick every time he needs it. I would also recommend giving him multiple tubes to be stashed at locations in case he looses one of his. I have a my main stash at home, 2 in my car, 2 in my back pack, and 1 in my pocket at all times. That way, in case I lose one, I always have another available. Because going a day without chap stick makes it a very unpleasant, and painful day.

Thirdly, if you are looking for more information about how to deal with meltdowns, then you need to look beyond the current issue you are having with chapped lips. I understand how the current problem is chapped lips, but there is more to the issue of meltdowns then that. If you really want to know more about meltdowns, what causes them, how to deal with them, and how to prevent them, then I would like to suggest some reading material.

Go to http://www.ASDstuff.com and download the free book offered there. It has lots of good information that really does help you to understand, deal with, and prevent future meltdowns. And it also covers more topics then chapped lips.

My son's a major lip chewer. He has very sensative skin and is prone to rashes and eczema. We used to use chapstick which, thankfully, he didn't mind, but it didn't really work. We took him to the doc after a big, bright red ring formed around his mouth and spread up towards his nose. It was indeed a bacterial infection that needed treatment. The doc suspected that it was likely caused by his own chewing. After treatment, the doc suggested Burt's Bees lip balm as it was more gentle on the skin. It's worked very well so far. It does sting a little bit sometimes, so my son doesn't like it, but he's ok with it.

Maybe you could explain to him that he could get a potentially serious infection if he doesn't protect his lips, he might understand and be more willing to cooperate. Also, I haven't been very impressed with Aquaphor anyway. I've had several docs reccommend it in the past and, meh. It hasn't always worked. Maybe you could let him choose his own protection and see what works.

As for picking battles, I think medical battles are always good ones to pick. We gotta keep 'em safe!

Thanks very much for all the wonderful input.

Tracker, you are right on two fronts, I am brand new - AND, it goes way beyond the chapped lips. We have been in meltdown mode for the past week and a half, and I am exhausted. I thought I was getting pretty good at handling them, but then things change and I need new ammunition!! Thank you very much for the book link. I will definitely download it.

Number 5, I agree. Medical battles are not negotiable. He has asthma and allergies, so he does know some things are non negotiable. I am wondering if I presented it that way from the get go, if things would have gone better. Who knows at this point. Also, I am also sunny in Philadelphia.