I need your advice, guys!

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Hi everyone! I'm Marina, and I have a 4-year old daughter, who is autistic. I mean autistic spectrum disorders. We found out it only this year, and immediately started ABA-therapy and swimming. But I keep getting worried, when I think about her future. She's very smart and even can ask for some things, but she doesn't express her thoughts, what is scaring me. Sometimes she's singing, or saying words like "dog" when she sees it, or asking for something she needs, but I want to know her more, what she's thinking about... get closer. But I don't know how, and it breaks my heart

Maybe someone can give me precious advice or some tips or anything from your own experience. Anyway, I will be grateful Thank you!

There is a spectrum to autism. Most individual fall into the high functioning category. They are known as HFA or Aspergers. Many in this category can integrate into society. But some experience problems due to stress loading. A small portion are low or medium functioning LFA and MFAs. Many that fall into this category are non verbal and are very dependent on other during their entire lives.

From your narrative it is a little difficult to interpret where your daughter falls into. She can say some words but may not comprehend the meaning.

One member on this board by the name of Jason H.J. Lu wrote a book. He is a HFA and has two children. From my perspective one is LFA and the other MFA. He helped educate his children and they are now closer to HFAs. So I would recommend his book which is called Eikona Bridge.

A personal thought , please avoid medicating her . She is 4 yrs old .... and autistic . Imagine being 4 yrs old
Many things are new for her . She lives in a 4 yr olds world . Might consult a Autistic professional concerning communication. And skills she might learn to enjoy . So possibly you might communicate with her more .
Just my personal thoughts . Best wishes.

You have a long road ahead and no one can answer what the future may or may not look like.

My ASD child is now an adult, has a job, has a girlfriend, and is living on his own in another state. We worked through or around the barriers presented by his ASD and while not everything is perfect (job interviews are a weakness) he's got a good life ahead.

My NT child is the one we didn't expect to have issues with, but a huge wrench got thrown into that when she was 16 years old. I do believe she will be fine, but I also know that her road will always be much more winding and limited than we had ever imagined for her. I thought she was my golden "no issues" child. Turns out that was always an illusion.

We get what we get as parents. Worry changes nothing, and expectations can backfire.

You will know when you are on a good path. Trust your instincts on that.

You won't always know when you are on the wrong path. Some things are going to be hard and uncertain no matter what you do, and sometimes the fact that it is hard might be sign that it isn't right. You only have your instincts and they won't always get it correct, but they are going to be MUCH closer than all those voices from other parents that you'll find shouting in your ear. Trust your gut. It's all you have.

KNOW that the prognosis for ASD children is BETTER THAN IT HAS EVER BEEN. You enter this journey with knowledge and protocols that were just nuggets of ideas when I started mine. Learn all you can about ASD and the ASD mind. Read, read and read some more. The ASD adults on this forum will give you insights into how their minds work that you cannot get from the professionals you will work with. Find professionals you trust, but also get to know some of the ASD adults. Some of the personalities here are difficult, but you get used to it, and you learn which are the most useful for you to listen to.

My ASD son is the pride of my life. I have never known anyone so quick to be kind and giving - but you do have to let him know what you need, he can't infer it, or remember things like birthdays. His girlfriend is also ASD and she struggles a lot more because she was not diagnosed as a child, her family could never figure out what was going on, and she's never learned protocols for managing her own overload. You have the advantage of knowing. It makes SO much difference. Knowledge is a key - use it.

Best of luck to you and your wonderful daughter.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

It is not uncommon for Asperger girls to also have selective mustism. Both my daughters had this and it was a long road to draw them out. Since it is related to anxiety, they key will be to create an environment in which she can feel comfortable.

If your daughter ends up not having selective mustism, it can still be difficult for her to share what is on her mind. Many parents look forward to parenthood in the belief that they and their children will have a close and open relationship. This does not always end up the way a parent would prefer.

It is incumbent upon the parent to be patient, encouraging, and not give up.

Thank you all , for your precious advice, support and very important information I didn't know. You made me feel much better and stronger! Thank you

Merry Christmas to You and Your family.

Don't be so quick to write off medications. Besides, even Prozac, the weakest antidepressant out there, isn't allowed for kids under 8, anyway.

Anyway, I had depression, comorbid with Asperger, since as early as I remember. My family either didn't care or dismissed my depression as "whining". My therapist mocked me or pretended not to know what I was talking about when I told her how I constantly felt sad, and gave me the runaround and brushed me off when I asked her about "happiness pills" (my term for antidepressants). I learned she wasn't on my side, and took up drinking. A good medication could have made a world of difference in my early years, and spared me from a lifelong alcohol habit.

Age 7 or 8 is a time when NT children surge ahead in social skills, leaving aspie children in the dust. You still have a few years left there. So, what I'd strongly recommend is getting your daughter social skills training. Take her to a social skills coach (not a therapist, see below), who will explain to her how to interact with peers. Buy her age-appropriate books. Tell her what works and what doesn't. Teach her how to leverage the school system in her favor. Teach her verbal self-defense.

Oh, and under no circumstances take your daughter to a pediatric or a family therapist. Those people treat children's feelings the way a butcher treats an animal carcass. And they don't teach anything helpful, either. Your daughter will leave worse off than she came in. Trust me. (Well, at least in the US; Kazakhstan may be a little better, hopefully.)

This last paragraph has me deeply worried about the nature of psychiatry

Don't confuse the two. I hold psychiatry (medications) in high regard. It's psychotherapy (talking) I despise.

Every psychiatrist or primary physician I saw for my depression and anxiety took me 100% seriously, and did their best to get me the right medication. Klonopin in 2012, and Effexor last year; both worked wonderfully! Therapists were a waste of my time at best, and a danger to my life at worst. My main therapist consonantly mocked me when I shared sad things with her. Another therapist, an intern who tested me for ADD, had me crying almost nonstop for 2 weeks afterwards, due to the way she presented the test results to me and my parents at the same time. (Negative for ADD, but positive for "immature emotional development".) She's responsible for my lifelong alcohol habit.