Helping my Nephew or steping over the boundries?

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Hi, Im new here. I was hoping for some advice. My daughter is 11 and was just diagnosed with AS. I also have a Nephew who is 18 with AS. When he got his diagnosis my brother and his mother had been divorced already. They fight like crazy. My brother got custody and pulled my nephew out of school at the time it was around 6th grade. He homeschooled him and kind of left him in seclusion. He lived with my parents and felt that they were ruining his parenting style by giving in to his son. He met a woman (one of my best friends) and they got married. now have a son together and still have done nothing for my nephew. My ex sisterin law said she wants to get some help for him and wants to contact social security. I think she may be just looking to get money out of the deal. My nephew likes me. I am one of the few people he will initiate touch with. It just hurts to see him so unhappy
The question I guess, is would it be appropriate for me to help my nephew with out my brothers consent. I feel like his needs are not being met and everyone is just waiting for something to happen, meanwhile he is very depressed and his compulsive behaviors have worsened. I am worried about him hurting himself. Any Ideas or thoughts would be appreciated.

Your nephew is 18? If he is than it depends on what you mean by "help" and "doing something for him". Part of being an adult is self determination which might include wanting to deal with your obsessions or depression without any medical intervention. I do that and it is something that my husband is not always happy about because he thinks that there is some special pill somewhere that will stop the OCD and depression. But if your nephew is unhappy and WANTS to see someone or take some medication than perhaps you could help him to discuss this with the family. There are trade offs to everything whether you use medication or go to therapy or try and handle things yourself. The important thing would be to see what it is exactly that your nephew wants to do and what he plans on doing. Is he able to work at all or take some training classes. If he is under 21 than there may be some programs too to help him transition to becoming more independent. I would not think it would be a good idea to go behind anyone's back though - you are all adults and should be able to talk openly about it or at least try. I could see where your brother might not appreciate someone trying to tell his son he needs "help". That is why you guys need to talk it out - your nephew may not be as unhappy as you think (unless he has stated so specifically) and his parents may very well be aware of all the options available and have discussed it with him and are respecting his wishes.

as far as receiving help~alot depends on his level of functioning. here in CT, people on the lower end of the spectrum receive FAR more services than those on the higher functioning end of things. where i live there is a job training and employment program specifically for citizens ages 14-21 who either are economically disadvantaged and/or receiving/received special ed services. the programm is a lottery, and not everyone gets a job, but those who do are given paying jobs and job training assistance.

I don't mean to help him by forcing him into medication. He has asked his uncle if he has any extra pills that he could take, he is on antidepressants. I only wanted to gather some resources for him so that if he wanted to do something he could let me know and I may be able to help him get to where he needs to go or attend a meeting with him. As far as communicating as Adults that will never happen in my family. I grew up in an extremely abusive family. Acts of violence and sexual abuse were ignored and many of us were sacrificed for the "good of the family" I see this lets wait and see attitude as a form of neglect and sacrificing for the good of the family Shh don't tell. He is afraid to go to his fathers and bring anything of value to his house because it is all taken away as punishment for undesirable behavior. His mother has a 2 bedroom appt. one for her and one for his sister. He gets the couch. So he has no place to settle in. I thought that showing him that there are others out there like him and that they are willing to provide assistance to him would help him.

It's hard for him to leave the house. He has internet access and said he has heard of this site but he would rather play games online. He has a hard time eating around people, and even just being around them. I am not sure if he could work right now. I know he has no interest in driving. He makes a lot of noises and grunts, arm flapping and twitching. I have invited him to my house but I have 3 Kids, the 11 yo with AS is very touch feely in your face kind of girl. The 3 yo is being assesed for Selective Muteism and the 18 month old is just to wild and loud for his own good. I have a lot going on at my house but I hate leaving him out in the dark. He may not be as depressed as I think but with the compulsions getting worse I just dont know. I was going to put together a folder with support groups and phone numbers for him I found some good ones that said you could bring a support person to the first few meetings. I didn't think anyone could get too mad at me doing that much. I just hate the thought of something happening to him and everyone saying I should have helped him more. I realy feel that is the way this is heading.

first of all~ don't take on that #@%& about "you could've done more, and it's your fault".........i know it's hard to do~ i have a couple of nephews that i worry about as well.but there's only so much you can do. you can only help someone who wants help. it's admirable that you recognize that he needs your assistance, but don't make it all your fault~ he has parents who, for whatever reason ( in your point of view) seem neglectful & abusive. you could report them to the Dept of Child and Family Services, although neglect & emotional abuse are statistically most reported violations & the least addressed...........
it sounds like it might take quite a bit of doing to get your nephew to go to any support group....i'd be prepared to attempt taking him for several weeks. the first time you might only get as far as the corner of his street....the next time maybe you could get to the parking lot of the building where the meeting is held....keep trying.