Missing Person Report

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I filed a Missing Person report last night when my son didn't come home. He was following a friend of mine, as a means to wave her good-bye, told me he'd be back in 10-20 minutes - 3 hours later, he was still gone. I searched all his usual hang-outs with no success. The sun was then replaced by the moon, it was dark outside and still no word from my son. This is not typical behavior of his at all.. in fact, it's the first time he's taken off like that (unless you count the time when he was 3 and "took off" with the stroller). I actually thought he was in danger somewhere. His photo was going to be released on the 11 o'clock (nightly) news until a friend of mine found him, 10 minutes before. He arrived home at 11pm. Apparently, he "lost track of time". He went to the community center, without permission, and because they were having some event and he bumped into a kid he knew, he stayed.. for hours. Either he didn't think to call me or didn't want to because he knew he didn't have permission.

I had the police over at my house .. they had to inspect my entire place as protocol. Swat cars were circulating around the neighbourhood. My friend drove around looking for him as well. Crazy!

The police asked me these questions:
Does he have a cell phone? - No.
Does he have any money on him? - No.
Does he have a bus pass? - No.
Does he have any social media accounts - Facebook? - No.
Did you contact his friends? - Doesn't really have any but I did contact the 2 I knew.

Cell phone, people are telling me I should get him a cell phone. He needs to be safe and reachable. I'm so irritated that I "have to buy him a cell phone" now, because he was careless with his actions. Because he chose to stay out late without permission. Lets reward him with the one thing he REALLY wants - a cell phone .. because, of course, it'll keep him safe. Bull.

So, does anyone have a reliable phone that does not have the following options?
Internet, texting, games, etc..

I wanted to purchase something similar to this:
http://isabellasnow.hubpages.com/hub/Be ... r-Children

.. but it's not compatible in Canada. It would have been the ideal phone!! Any suggestions? I know I can purchase a phone without internet but the parental controls really are limited. I want him to be able to use the phone, only to contact me, my wife, and the police - that's it. I don't want him getting into the texting world. I don't want him calling his "friends" non-stop since it's been a problem already with our house phone. I don't want him being targeted via social media. I don't want him to face through the teenage years - but THAT I have no control over.

I'm always open to your ideas..

He has a Magellan Triton GPS device.. looking to see if it has some tracking options. It was bought for the geo-cache game but I don't know if we can use it for other purposes?

I almost got sick reading the beginning of your post.

Edit: I can't find anything other than the ones you linked to, regarding limited use phones.

Probably a really stupid question but I am assuming you already tried to call/email your cell phone company? Here in the U.S they are usually terrible about responding, but maybe they are more helpful in Canada. I looked up limited use cell phones for kids and only found a company called Firefly and a list of phones from an article from 2006.

One problem is going to be if you find something that only allows him to call you or emergency services, will he even carry the thing? I bet he won't and then you will argue about that. he will probably at least one thing on it her finds to be useful to encourage him to remember to carry it.

I think Firefly would have been the best option and my phone company used to carry it.. not anymore. Apparently it was not in demand here. I'll have to keep digging..

Thanks
InThisTogether: I'm STILL feeling sick over this.

Is the boy okay?

Thanks Fnord! Ticks me off, though. I spent a good chunk of time today trying to figure it out.. as if last night's episode wasn't enough of a waste of time.

ASDMOM, I know, believe it or not, they still have pagers,(at least in the U.S) but the only thing that would do is let him know you want a call from him. He would not be able to call you, so he would still have that as an excuse for not getting back with you when you beeped him. I cannot come up with anything else, so far.

Cubedemon, I don't think she is asking how to punish him. She may have that already covered. The issue is that people/society now expect that we equip kids with phones "just in case" even though for the longest time in the past this was not an option.

With affordable cell phones the police and everyone else is expecting her to do this, especially now that he is showing he may wander off to do things when he is not supposed to. Punishing him may or may not cause him to never do it again. She is guessing not.

The problem is that everyone expects her to outfit him with a phone, and he would love a phone(and the phone would be disruptive for him to have.) He would perceive it as a reward. So she wants something stripped down so he can call her and not have excuse to not call her and so people who don't understand his deal don't get judgmental about him not having one for "emergencies." She does not want him using it for games, socialization or anything else.

I don't understand is expectation, either. I have a phone that I use only for emergencies, myself, but I don't give it out to people readily, as it is only on when I am not home, and just in case there is an actual emergency. I have no use for the phone's other functions. I have games at home to play when I can carve out the time, and I am not a chatty phone person.

People look at me like I am insane when I refuse to give my cell number out for random unimportant things. People think it is odd because most people like to (or have to) be constantly "connected." I don't. I am mostly home with my son, and only need it when I am not home and my husband is not with me (He has a cell phone that he does always carry) This is rare, other than when I was waiting for my son to come out of school.

They also feel this is some coming of age requirement for their kids and/or like to feel secure that their kids have it for emergencies/fun/communication. My son is young and not autonomous in any way, so for us this is very unnecessary. Many of his peers at 7 have one, though.

they do make gps trackers that can be put in shoes or other things if you want to go that route

What we did for my son was buy a used, older-generation phone (they are all over Ebay and places like it) that could be used on our cell network, and then go to the cell phone store and get a SIM card for it. You can get them quite cheaply, and surprisingly the cost of adding a kid onto our family plan was nil. You can also ask your carrier to block text messaging or data services from that particular line.

The next problem will be teaching him to keep it charged and on his person: it's not going to do you any good if he leaves it at home. I am planning to get DS a case that holds his phone, his money, his keys AND his bus pass so he has only one thing to lose - as of now, we've got his wallet/key ring on a "leash" that I'm teaching him to attach to his belt loop (both because he's more vulnerable to pickpocketing AND to help him keep track of it.)

I wonder if part of the problem is that your child is not yet mature enough to meet the level of responsibility he's been given. He is somewhere around 10 chronologically, right? He might just be responding to freedom in the way a younger child would - a six or seven year old, for instance. (this is a gross generalization, of course it is different for every child, but you get the idea.)

If his maturity level is more like a six-year-old's, all the things the police are suggesting you do might make answering question easier next time, but they won't solve the problem.

When we run into a maturity issue with DS, we typically say: you need to earn __________________ by showing us you are mature enough by consistently doing _____________________ for _________________________ period of time.

They still make basic number pad cell phones, and that is what I would get him. I know they all have internet options, but I had no trouble keeping my kids off of the internet: I simply told them they didn't have data plans, so any data they used would be multiple dollars a minute, and I'd make them pay for it. I did notice they both tended to hit the button in error once a month (I'd see 1 second on the bill and a $2 minimum data charge) but that I let slide.

Texting can be handled the same way; you don't have to have a plan that allows texting. But, really, having only the 9 numbers will limit texting all by itself. It is such a pain to type a text on a number pad. My son would never go beyond a "k" (ok) or "9" (as in a time) when I'd send him texts.

I don't think I'd buy it in direct connection with this incident, however. That does seem like a reward. What grade does he start next year? Here, pretty much everyone buys a cell for their middle school kids, because that is the age where they really travel without a parent. Even the one family whose daughter never walks anywhere eventually caved, seeing her be the only one without a cell. Common "reasons" around here were elementary school graduation, celebrating first day of middle school, a decent report card for either last semester of elementary or first quarter of middle school, first Christmas following the start of middle school, etc.

But, you know, short of complying with a local norm, if my child was younger than that, I still wouldn't buy a phone. Instead, I'd step up parental control. OK, my daughter tells me I may be the most protective parent ever (I dispute that, but she's 12, so its how she sees it), but kids need to be safe, and if a child has proven he can't step outside the front door for 5 minutes without wandering off and forgetting to tell you, then he no longer steps out the front door alone.

But as for that forgetting to tell you ... I bought my son his first cell phone expressly so he could call me when he got to his intended locations, and also so I could leave him messages as to any changes in schedule for after school. None of which worked when he always forgot to turn the phone back on after school (it must be off during school hours). Ugh. The phone does no good if the child doesn't even turn it on. Took him 3 years to figure that one out. Actually, not sure he really did figure it out: as his friends started to try to contact him more by cell, he finally started to remember he had it. He needed the social incentive. Basically, another reason to maybe increase direct contact instead; a cell phone alone can't solve what happened here.

As for what happened: giant hugs to you. That would have flipped me out big time, and I have no complaints with how you handled it.