Pushy Preschool

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When my son started early intervention I wasn't impressed with it as it was pretty much the same things I had been doing with him all along and even fairly annoyed with it as the therapists often continued to push activities that were of little or no benefit to us. I recently started giving my son fish oil and his vocabulary has doubled in a very short time. His early intervention therapists think this sudden leap forward is a result of therapy ... I'm sure it isn't. Now that he's getting closer to 3 years old they're pushing preschool, I've point blank told them I have no intention of enrolling him in preschool on the grounds that for the most part he still is unable to communicate and if he has any sort of problem at preschool I'd like for him to be able to communicate that to me before leaving him there. I was still considering letting him go because I would like him to socialize with other children I thought I could sit back and watch a few classes and be the one to change his diaper if need be ... but the IE preschool recruiter said parents weren't allowed in during classes ... she said that rule was there to promote independence in the child and prevent jealousy amongst other children who's parents aren't there, is it just me or does that sound really fishy? I still have about 5 months of IE before my son ages out (even if the therapy itself isn't helpful I think the extra socialization is) and I'm sure his therapists are going to keep pushing the preschool agenda ... they're very *nice* but they're getting on my nerves and I'm afraid one of these days I'm going to blurt out what I honestly think of the program.

Washi, as an educator in both Early Intervention and Preschool I see parents having very similar concerns.
To begin with I want to say that its great that you're working with your son, as well as sending him to school. Teaching children is a round the clock activity.

The EI Center should be working on specific (cognitive/academic, verbal, physical motor, social, emotional/affective) goals. I'm assuming your son has an IFSP. On it are the 6 or so goals that are parent/guardian created. The next time they push activities that you don't agree with perhaps ask which goals these activities are addressing. After all, he's your son and these are goals you'd like to see him achieve.

Within any school system, I've noticed that a lot of the parent's stress centers around their child's schooling and teachers. Unfortunately, to get the best and most out of the school, you may need to be firm and unrelenting, until you feel comfortable with how they are teaching your son. Plus it'd be something that you'd be accustomed to in case you decide to send him to preschool.

Preschool is a great socialization experience. That's where they become more independent, more verbal, and they seem to really flourish. However, being as though the children are 3-5 yrs old there should be an open door policy for the parents. Fostering independence is one thing, shutting parents out is another. Maybe look into other special education preschools in your area.

Since you've stated that your son is unable to communicate, and you also stated that his vocabulary has doubled (which I take to mean labeling), the next 5 months would perhaps be a good time to work on communicative language. Maybe things like, requesting desired items, requesting help, asking "wh" questions (Where, What, Why), and expressing emotions. Five months is a long time and I'm sure he can make great strides in that time.



Good luck!!

It depends on what type of preschool you are talking about. My son had early intervention services and when he "aged out" , the next step was to enter the public school system and put him in a special needs preschool program. This program consisted of a special ed teacher and an assistant that are trained in helping children with varying degrees of disabilities.
I know what you mean about the therapists. My son did not walk until he was almost 2, and they were pushing me to start him in mother's morning out at 2 yrs old. I decided that it was not fair to put my son in that situation. However, at 3, I had no other choice but to put him in the special needs program in order to receive services. He attended this program for 2 yrs and I saw big improvements in him. So I would consider it if you can. As far as communication issues, they should be working on that with him, and they will work on other things with him such as any sensory issues and they will work on his social skills as well.
I feel your anxiety at letting your little boy go, but I honestly think that it could be beneficial if the program is right.

Parents being shunned should be a red flag. I'd report that preschool.

I think it is quite common for preschools to not want the parents to stay at school. The child will just cling to the parent, and will not learn to be independent. Also, I have learned that my son will sometimes learn better from someone else than from me.

Kilala: He doesn't know how to ask questions yet, he knew the alphabet and could count to ten before he could say Mom. Maybe in 5 months, maybe not. All of his gains have been random and unrelated to EI, such as labeling for special interests, names of TV shows and characters, colors, shapes, lines from books.

angelbear: They tried to use "His services will end if he doesn't go to preschool!" as a scare tactic to make me want to enroll him ... but when those services are near to useless to begin with that's not much of an argument. I don't doubt they're very beneficial to someone else, but it hasn't been helpful for us.

PunkyKat: I don't think I can report them, but I agree with you, shunning parents is a red flag. 3 year olds especially ones who are not yet adequately communicating or potty trained need their parents. Fostering independence in toddlers by pushing away parents is BS.

I would just recommend to trust yourself regarding your judgement and if their services are useless just stop with them and teach him at home with some socialization through sports/activities. We got our services pilling up with nonsenses and child drained after these so it was basically wasted time. And wasted time is the worst for a kid that needs to catch up with others.

My autistic sibling who went into preschool had a parent. They welcomed parents as helpers throughout the day-- so you weren't simply dealing with your child, you helped the classroom in all the activities and with all the children. I'm not sure if there was some type of screening for this however; I would hope there was.

I agree, you have to trust your mother's instinct. All I can speak from is my experience. My son knew all of his letters, shapes and colors before he started pre-k as well. But, he did receive lots of speech therapy in class and that is when I felt that he started to improve in his back and forth communications. He started asking questions around 4 yrs of age. I also started to notice that he had more initiative to do things for himself. But, it is hard to know if any of this was because of the services or just because he started to develop more from things we were doing at home.

I think you will know when the time is right to go ahead and send him to school. You could also just keep taking him to things on your own to get him around other kids like the park or to storytimes etc.... You could also check into a private program for children his age and send him maybe 2 days a week for a few hours in the morning.

Good luck!

(I've deleted a portion of this.) And then there's the sit-n-spin .... my occupational therapist thinks spinning autistic children at top speed on a sit-n-spin will help them focus and refuses to make a connection between my son being focused on reading a book pointing out and labeling items when she arrives and after spinning my son tossing crayons, running around the room bumping into furniture and hiccuping (I had to point out to the therapist that hiccups were a sign my son was being over stimulated, I thought that was common sense). Maybe I'm so quick to put down their techniques because I did a lot of the things my son does (including spinning) when I was little and have a first hand understanding of why my son does some of the things he does. I'd spin for a lot of reasons when I was younger but I don't think I ever once spun around because it helped me focus on a book.

I went to a montessori co-op preschool. At co-op preschools, parents were expected to participate at least one a month.

I should say, I didn't interact with the other children. I spent most of my time playing by myself, however I enjoyed it to the extent that it was one of the few places I didn't mind my mother leaving me. There was even one teacher there who I would talk to.

Spinning is actually good for brain development. Most NT children do it, and many autistic children do it to extremes. Not all, but some. If you follow the cues of the children, they will often do the activities that their brain is craving. My son has never been a big spinner, but I have read up on it, and I think it is valid. My son had balance issues, and that is why he didn't walk until he was almost 2. Our OT also had us spin him on a sit and spin, and on swings and such. It may seem silly, but I do believe it helped my son learn to walk.

Many of the things that OT's do are trying to fill an unmet need in the child's brain. Some of them seem silly, and they don't seem to make sense, but I think there is merit to many of the methods. Some of it works for some children, and for others it doesn't.

Like I said, I spun as a child and know it has it's place. The issue I have is the OT's failure to realize that spinning my son at top speed winds him up and not down like she seems to think it does. My son's walking was not delayed and he does not have major coordination issues though I could see the benefit if he did. One thing I recall about spinning when I was younger is it's a bit like a drug the faster I learned to go the faster I needed to go in order to get the same high from it. I think if he's desensitized from the dizzy feeling he gets from regular spinning now (by doing forced top-speed spinning on the sit-n-spin rather than letting him do it himself) that would be a shame. It would also require him to be dependent on an adult to spin him to get the same high he'd otherwise be able to get by letting him do it himself at his own speed on his own time.

I agree, I don't think she should be spinning him that fast. IMO she should do it in smaller doses. Maybe you could just show him how to spin on his own, and let him be the judge of how much he does.

He knows how to use the sit-n-spin on his own, he's not that into using it (I imagine he'll like it more when he's a little older), when he's in the mood to spin he just does it the old fashioned way. The OT keeps suggesting removing the center piece of my sit-n-spin so that my son can lay on it and be spun faster (but this would take away his ability to spin himself and I don't think he needs to go faster), I already had a sit-n-spin before therapy started, when I didn't remove the center piece like she suggested she brought in her own and my son stepped on it, slipped and almost hit his head on a nearby table ... I saw that disaster coming from a mile away and caught him. More like a slip-n-spin.