People should be careful what they say...

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My son is in weekly vision therapy. It is 45 min and we have to wait in a crowded wating room while he is in therapy. There is another mom that I talk to every week because her son has the same appointment time. I don't particularly like her overwhelmingly, but she is OK, she is there, and she is someone to talk to.

Last Friday, same old, same old, talking to the mom. We start talking about school. Her daughter is a little younger than my son who is 10. She starts complaining about one of the kids she invited to her daughter's bday party. Says the kid has major behavior problems, he has Aspergers, but they were trying to be nice by inviting him. She started saying how bad the kid was. Then went on to say how terrible the parents are for not controlling him.

I gently but firmly advised her that my son has autism spectrum disorder and many people have talked about me in that very same way, yet I have been doing every possible thing I could for my son and then some. I explained that traditional parenting doesn't work and it is very likely that although she cannot see it, his parents are working extremely hard with him. I explained why he may have some of the behaviors he has and why it is uncontrollable. I also explained how he does not think or respond the same way as a typical child to redirection or traditional parenting techniques. I explained to her things I went through with my own son.

She looked shocked and like she regretted everything she said. But she listened and backed off what she was saying about the parents. She obviously had no idea my son was on the spectrum or that we struggled so much.

I was very proud of myself for having that conversation with her in the way I did. I didn't tell her off and I didn't ignore what she was saying, I responded to it appropriately.

I am sure when she started talking about the kid and his parents she was expecting me to be like 'yeah, what crappy parents to allow such behavior!'

I often find myself in this situation because I have been or have experienced most things that people like to complain openly about because they know nothing about it. Such as single parents, welfare parents, unwed mothers, mixed couples, mixed children, suicide, mental illness, obese people, and autism. I am happy when I can disprove their stereotype or educate them. I find it amusing that people btch about this stuff to me before they know anything about me. Just because I have an advanced degree and have a good job does not mean I haven't been there done that, dealt with it or experienced it.

I am sure all the other parents in the room were listening to our conversation as well. I also think it is funny that she said all this so openly since over 50% of the children in vision therapy in this office have an ASD. One of the partner doctors that works there is highly respected in the field of vision problems associated with autism and sensory disorders. How could she have not known that??

Good for you! People like you can and do make a difference, but it's surprising how many people will just listen to peoples crap without standing up for what is right and setting them straight. Thank you.

All I can say is "YOU GO GIRL"!

I wonder what the child was doing.

Good for you for educating that woman. It's people like you who make a difference. I think that ASDs are still seen in a negative light by most people, and it really doesn't have to be that way.

Good for you to act rational than acting on emotions.

More people need to be rational and educate the ignorance. I think getting all nasty with them and chewing them out won't do because when that happens to me, I stop listening and shut the meanness out and don't give rats ass. I just think the person is a b***h lol and a bully. I only like nice rational people.

It's great that you were able to inform her in a friendly manner.

I was speaking to a friend who started complaining about some woman she had to deal with at a garden shop. She kept complaining about the long pauses and strange response the shop owner gave. I suggested to my friend that there was a good chance, from her description, that the shop owner was an Aspie. My friend continued to complain that a person like that shouldn't be running a store. I started to get angry and I can't say I handled things as well as you. So many people seem unwilling to believe that the awkward or erratic behavior of people with Aspergers Syndrome is anything but bad upbringing.

That is so great that you said something to that mother It makes me sad to know that most people have no clue about ASD, or how difficult it can be for parents. It is not like we are just letting our children run wild through the streets!

I have to add that, I have been doing my speech pathology placement in a middle school for the past few months, and the things I hear the teachers say about my students with Asperger’s are ridiculous. One teacher said, "The calling out of turn, constant noise making, inappropriate comments, and meltdowns are not related to his Asperger’s, they are all learned behaviors because he is spoiled at home." I wish I would have had the guts to say something to her, but since I am just there on my college placement, I didn't want to get in trouble

good for you

Been going through this with my son. Hard to find tolerant friends and parents (and family for that matter). I can only hope that with maturity and experience, he will find a niche or be like me and be relatively happy without lots of people in his life.

*APPLAUSE*

What an awesome story. You handled it so well!! Thank you for helping to educate the world about autism, one person at a time. Maybe this woman will think twice before opening her mouth next time. Hopefully she is seeing ASD with a whole new understanding. I believe that every time we educate someone on ASD, the world improves just a little more for all our kids with ASD.

Thank you.

A soft answer can go where rage can't. Rage causes self-defense and turns off the hippocampus, so whoever is being raged at can't learn.

Once some teenagers were calling each other ret*ds at the bag filling part in the grocery store. One of them carried my groceries to my car and I gently said that I wished that people wouldn't use ret*d as a pejorative term because I have a daughter that is ret*d and she wasn't a bad person because of her retardation. He nearly dropped the groceries as he turned bright red.

And now I have a daughter-in-law who uses the word ret*d as a synonym for bad in quality. Sigh. She stopped for a few days when I told her how I felt about it. But she keeps forgetting.

And you want to stay friends with her?

How about "thank you for revealing that you're a bigot. I've enjoyed our friendship. Now let's never speak to each other again?"

I mean, how can you keep being friends with someone who says something that distasteful?