My son is 10 and aggressive at school

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My son was diagnosed about 6 months ago with Aspergers, we have had problems with the school since he was 5, them labelling him as a bad child but at home he is nothing like they say he is at school. Lately he has become very agressive at school he has threatened a couple of teachers and hit a couple of children. We have no clue what to do. We always make him apologise and write notes to say he is sorry. But he has said why should he say sorry if he isn't.
The school have been good as they know he can't help it but i don't know how to stop it or control it at least.
Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Try taking privalages away if he contiues to be aggersive. If he not being aggersive for sometime reward him with things he likes to do. Ask him why is he being aggersive. I really think writing a sorry note would work as you metioned. Have you thought of putting your son on medcation to help his aggersive behivour. I don't guarantee that medcation will work. You could also help with his Social Skills.

Have you wondered why your son is so aggressive? You say that the school has labelled him as bad in the past, and now they are saying that he is being aggressive. If he is not aggressive at home and he is at school, then I would suspect something is going on at school that is pushing him to be aggressive. I really think you should try to find out what is behind this aggression, since a public school atmosphere can be chaotic and at times threatening, especially if the kids are mean to him with the staff tending to stick up for the other kids.

- Ray M -

I have been to the school a couple of times to sit in his class and he is out on a desk on his own away from the other kids, he is left out of stuff different work activities etc, his teacher is really young is this is her first teaching job, the headteacher i think has just given up on my son, she lets him do what he wants, no discipline and when she does discipline him thats when he becomes aggressive with her. I am taking him to the doctor on Thursday to try get some help. I don't want him on meds as i don't think that would solve anything.
He is going to our high school, we're in England, next September 2007 and i really need to get something worked out by then.

our son was having major problems in school 2 years ago...agression, suspension, etc....we pulled him out of that school~they had no clue what to do with him. happy to report his new school is much better....does your son have a BSP?(Behavior Support Plan)

Elementary school children can be some of the most sadistic people ever encountered; they'll eventually grow out of it but in the meantime you're going to have to teach your child to deal with it somehow.

I remember I got in quite a few fights, until I was first suspended in 6th grade (this was only time though). Oh, I'm sure there were quite a few people that afterwards would've been more than happy to pound my face into the dirt but since Columbine, most students were afraid of anyone remotely different from them (e.g. kids with AS or any other neurological diagnosis) so I was left alone for the most part. Eventually, I found some social acceptance in high school as a smart academic/comedian type, but by that time most of the aforementioned sadistic kids had already grown up.

If there's any advice I'd teach your child, it's that if he's being bullied, it won't last forever. Perpetrating violence himself will only cause extra wrath to be brought down upon him and we don't want this to happen (as many AS people are pacifist and don't want to be labeled as evil people...Dr Phil, I'm leering at you...). Contrary to what psychologists tend to believe, if you monitor your child's reactions, I'd say violent videogames would help your son deal with aggression by providing an acceptable outlet. Not that I'm suggesting you go ahead and get your 10-year-old San Andreas and leave him to his own devices, but something like Smash Bros, Metal Slug, Contra, etc. would be better. Be sure to involve yourself with his playtime, and maybe at the end of the gaming session talk about the differences between reality and fantasy.

i have found that in school my son can do things that he would not do at home.. we have come down to the conclusion that there is too much stimuli in the classroom/school for him to deal with. AS kids are like this... and the only way they know how to deal with over stimulation is to act out themselves. i do think your son needs counsel. he needs an outlet to discuss why he is so angry. i think my son could have these issues also but he knows my wrath if he is violent in school.. he is on the spectrum end of things that he must be GOOD! he knows that its unacceptable to be bad. you know as kids with AS only think of right/wrong. good/bad. legal/illegal. i think your son needs to seek counsel to get it all out and find out why he is acting out in school.

I think it is important to support your son (even though not agreeing with his behavior) but looking for the reasons behind it. He has a long history at the school as having been labeled a troublemaker. So it seems like maybe he has received alot of punishment for behaviors he might not have been able to control. Besides a FBA perhaps the teacher needs to be educated also or find another classroom.

It sounds like there is no structure, and that he may be craving structure. Why a school or teacher leave him to sit on his own and not try to get him to participate is beyond me, but some of these teachers do not have experience dealing with us. It could be that the teacher is seeing it from only an NT perspective and getting confused about his AS, maybe even refusing to deal with it. These teachers tend to have quite a bit of kids in a class, and there is a lot of responsibility. Honestly, I think public schools can really do more harm than good. They operate best when all kids are transformed into robots and do as they are told. When this happens to not be the case, all of a sudden there is a bad kid amongst the rest. If the teacher would find out what his interests are and tend to use those to his advantage, he may find it much easier. That's how some teachers deal with AS. We're all different, and we all tend to require different teaching mechanisms. That's why there are IEPs. Besides, labelling an aspie as bad can really damage his self esteem in the long run, because we tend to take things very literally, and if we are told we are bad, we may literally believe it.

- Ray M -