Young Adult Aspies graduating from college

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Hello Community,
I need HELP! I have a son who is 23. He really is more advanced than many Aspergers people from what I have heard. I really do not know for sure, however. That being said, here is my/our problem. My son is in college and is supposed to graduate in May of this coming year. Up until this semester, he has been doing pretty good academically, better than he did in high school actually. However, this semester, he is not on task as much, less organized and near failing in a few classes. He had to drop one class, ended up pulling a "B" in another miraculously and got a "C" in the other one. This is not bad considering it all. However, his attitude is worse than it has been in a long while. As I sit here, he has one more final. He is just livid about studying. This is not like him. His college has a extra program for learning disabled students that costs extra. In past semesters he has used it willingly and often. This has been a God send. This semester he has shown up once in a while and not been consistent in any of his study methods there or at home. He has missed important points studying, has not communicated with Profs like he should and over all been less engaged in school. HELP!! It has taken him 6 years, off and on, to get to a point where he is a semester away from graduating. Thanks to the school he has been at for 2.5 years, where he is currently, he has made GREAT progress in many ways! WHY WOULD HE THROW ALL OF THAT AWAY! We have talked with his doctor and adviser of the special program at his school. His doctor has no idea. The adviser said this is typical of aspies. Is this true? If so, any advice how to get past this would help. If it is not true, any ADVICE to the cause and/or solution would be appreciated! Needless to say, this caught us "blind-sided"!

Is he having any trouble in his social life this term? I heard that could cause trouble with school

Could he be afraid of what happens after graduating? The job market is really hard for Aspies to navigate. It requires a ton of social skills and job hunting is really stressful. He may be afraid of graduating?

I have no idea if this is the issue, part of the issue, or completely off base, but I am throwing it out there.

Thank you for two replies quickly!. To deltafunction, my son's social functions are about the same as they always are. For a aspie, he really has really good skills in this area to some extent. It is the main reason he was not given an official diagnosis until he was 15. However, thank you for mentioning it. I will keep an eye out in case that changes.

A whole bunch of things could be going on, and I think you should find the source. How can you decide what to do if you don't know the source?

Social problems aren't limited to Aspies or those with bad social skills; anyone can have them, so I would not rule that out so quickly. If he is experiencing some sort of social issue, he is likely to have a lot of trouble figuring out what to do about it. My ASD son is social and generally well liked, but utterly clueless when something doesn't go as he thinks it should. He sails along on his natural talents as long as the road stays smooth, but only as long as the road stays smooth.

He may also have decided for some unknown reason that he no longer "has" to put out effort. My son gets these odd ideas in his head, and he certainly doesn't do homework for the joy of it. He loves to learn, but the work that shows the learning is pretty much always, in his eyes, silly and a waste of time. He puts forth effort because we've sold him on how "playing the game" and getting good grades will benefit him. If there isn't something he values in the outcome, he won't put effort into it.

Or ... he's just fed up with school and hoping it doesn't hurt him much to slack off.

Hard to say, there are dozens more possibilities. See if you can find out.

There are three possibilities:

1.) He is having some trouble in his social life. It may not be that he's having trouble making friends, but that he's having trouble with an existing friend.

2.) He is afraid of leaving college

3.) He thinks he can slide through the last semester.

to the last post,
I forgot to mention that I work at his college. He also is still friends with, and hangs out with some friends he made in grade school. As a result of both items above, I do know his problem is not socially based. I do take some merit in other items you suggested, however, when he was much younger, like in 6th or 7th grade, he would slack but he had straight "A's" back then so it did not matter much. His grades are not like that now but he could be reverting somewhat. The thing is that he has gone from mostly caring a lot about school and putting forth reasonable or above reasonable effort to being very sporadic!! Tonight, he had his last final to study for. He had the study guide ready 2 weeks ago. However, he has not taken the time to study the whole thing, 44 pages) even once!! ! He thought today would also be a GREAT day to take a 4 hour nap! Finally at 7 p.m., my husband suggested he forget the study guide and just write the terms. We have been suggesting this for days!! ! AS of 11:47 this evening he said I'm done and I'm going to bed. He did ONE flash card! I am seriously worried since he is not like this!! !! !

sorry, the above post was meant for DW Mom.

The last semester of college can be really stressful because he's probably feeling pressured to get a job and his own place. I'm sure most of his peers are already getting their careers under way. He could be feeling a bit depressed and inadequate because his plans may not be as well-defined as that of his classmate's. I could be wrong. I don't know your son he may already have after-college plans. I just know from personal experience that the idea of the "real world" is scary. I found myself slacking off during the last year of my undergrad due to stress and feelings of inadequacy. My grades suffered as a result.

rabidmonkey4262,
This is his second to last semester or at least hopefully. I understand what you are saying. The weird thing is that just a few weeks ago he was massively concerned about getting one "C". In the 2.5 years he has been at this school, he has only gotten one other "C" and that was not in his major. This one this semester is. Anyways, he went from worrying about one "C" to almost guaranteeing a "D" or worse in another class since he barely studied for tomorrows final. If he gets above a "D" on his final, I will be shocked! So much for his GPA! What did you do to get past it?

rabidmonkey4262
I really appreciate your input. When my son first started college, he definitely had serious apathy going on. He attended his first college part time in hopes of a scholarship. Grade wise he did not do bad but the scholarship never happened. This was a bit overwhelming since part of the reason this happened was due to a lack of communication he could have avoided. This started the apathy. At his second school, his grades got worse for many reasons and apathy was his crutch! The weird thing is at this school, his third, it really seemed like he found his niche. He has barely missed honor roll every semester except one, when he got a "C". Nevertheless, going into this semester, he has a 3.34! He'll be lucky to get above a 2.5 this semester. That will bring his overall down quite a bit! As far as having plans after college, he has plenty! He even has a few back up plans! I get that the next step is "scary" but that is true for everyone to some extent! I'm 48 and still do not know what my future holds, let alone his. My husband and I are just dumbfounded that after everything he has accomplished, he might throw it all away so close to graduating!! !!

Several things:

1) Even if he is not afraid of what is next (I wouldn't necessarily take his words at face value on that, either. Even though Aspies are usually straight forward about things, he may not want to have a big talk about scary feelings) he may be comfortable where he is and it could be a rigidity thing.

2)That "C" could be the problem. Aspies can be very binary. If he got really upset about the "C" he may feel like what is the difference if he gets more bad grades. That may not seem logical to you, but Aspies often have an all or nothing way of looking at things.

3)When you say he has plans and back up plans, what does that mean? Are they plans you gave him? Are they his own? Is he happy about them? Even if someone has a job waiting for him, he may not want it.

4)If he is sensing the urgency that you and his father have about the "end game" that could make it worse. I understand why you feel that way, believe me. My son is seven, but already there is a ton of stuff I am way invested in, that he could not care less about. Your son may resent that you care that much about this. It is hard to describe why. He may feel pushed into something he does not real ready for... He may feel like it is about you---even if it is not.

5)If his social network is good, he may not be looking forward to it breaking up when people all get jobs and to an extent start to go their own ways. Their plans might be better than his plans, and he could resent it, too.

There are so many things this could be and even NT young people don't necessarily want to talk about it with their parents. So unfortunately it is going to be hard to get him to talk about it, especially if you push. He is going to have to want to come to you. So it is very hard to say what would be best to do.