Do Aspies always get violent in their teens?

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I just finished reading all of the posts in Aspieparent's thread and I'm concerned. DS is only 7 and got an early diagnosis compared to a lot of Aspies. But frankly, I'm scared after reading that thread. Do most (ie: a large percentage) of Aspies get violent when they hit their teens?

Is it a matter of not having a lot of services available to them when they were younger so they don't have the coping skills when they're older?

I think I only remember 2 violet episodes when I was younger. In both cases, they were the result of being in situations that were getting too stressful for me with no way to get out. For the most part, I was way too passive of a person in my teen years.

A couple of things that would help would be for the school to have a relief valve of some sort. Some way where your child can escape if the stress gets to be too much. Our society allows this to its adults, why not its children. When at home, especially after a long day of school and other activities, give your child a chance to be alone to work off some of the buildup from the day. I know the mother of a 7 year old AS child and she tells me that by the end of the school day, he is just so tired that they have more of a problem than the school believes.

Finally, if you know what sets your child off, at least try to document it in whatever is used in Canada as an IEP. That will at least help you out if your child does get violent in school because then you can turn and say that the school was forewarned about the issue in a legally binding document.

I hope this helps

Unfortuantely when you are looking at a small sampling of examples of behaviors from some Aspies, it tends to look like it is more serious and more general to a whole group than it may be. As a teen, I would get frustrated and scream back but as far as getting violent as in hitting and all, that was rare for me.

Hey, I'm fifteen and since I hit thirteen I haven't had a single violent outburst--actually, I haven't had one since I threw off my depression--so I can confirm that not all of us get violent as teenagers! I was diagnosed at eleven, by the way, so it's not like I ever had real services available to me. Most of my violent actions were against my sister, when she was seriously bothering me and I didn't have a way to get her to stop. When she stopped teasing me around the time I turned ten, that stopped, in no small part because my mother had let her know that if she didn't stop teasing me after I told her to go away, I was going to be allowed to hurt her. My last violent episode, at age twelve, was also a result of being teased with no escape for a very long time.

As ljbouchard said, a place to come home and cool off really helps a lot. So does knowing that you CAN escape from a particularly tourtorous class, even if you don't actually leave. I was granted this privilege in middle school, when I was really having issues, and it really calmed me down, just knowing that I had an escape route (this was granted after that last confrontation that I mentioned).

I think that depends on each person - like some may not become outwardly violent towards others but self abusive. I used to hit myself when I was frustrated but I was not inclined to do that to someone else even if they were mean to me. I turned that inwards which was not a good thing either. And as far as raging or stuff like that well alot of that may be related to not only teenage hormones and puberty but also to the more difficult social environments in middle school and high school. That is why some have advocated homeschooling in the junior high years if things get too much with teasing and bullying.

And if you look at things - your son already has behaviors so it is not necessarily a matter of them suddenly developing behaviors but those behaviors continuing into the teenage years and becoming more difficult because they are bigger. My son is 8 and when he gets mad at me he goes back to an old favortie and bites. I thought that had really stopped but now I see he is using that as a form of communication that he is unhappy with me not letting him have his way. He has language difficulties and has HFA so it may be easier for him to "express" himself this way. So that may be the case in the teenage years also where frustration results in falling back on old behaviors. That is not to say that every child on the spectrum will do that - but alot of behaviors are a form of communication even if it is that they are frustrated and don't know how to express themselves.

I think you also have to remember is that your crowd on a site like this, by and large, is going to be people looking for help - and so more than likely will be ones having more difficulties. The ones where everything is smooth as silk aren't looking for support.

My son is 11 1/2 and built like a man. His meltdowns however, have become fewer and further between. A large part of that was the education I received at places like this - learning what kinds of things might trigger him off.

After school particularly, we learned, was a time to be very hands off. Our son comes home about 3:15, goes straight to his room and closes the door. In there I know he is on his chair, spinning around, letting the stress of the day fall off of him. About an hour an a half later he comes out, homework done, destressed, and ready to join the family.

While there are certain rules, etc., in the house that we as parents lay down, we recognize the need to be flexible and make changes needed to keep our son where he needs to be.

My hope is, that as he enters jr high this august, and school is more about the academics, he finds his niche, and has less stress to deal with.

But the good news about jr high is that its like that for most kids - meaning it's a leveller playing field. Elementary school kids were teacher's pet b/c their mom helped out in class or school or was in PTA, or just b/c Susie was so gosh darned cute. Jr. high that tends to happen a lot less. All the kids are going through hormonal wreckage at the same time, so yeah, it's like a 40 car pileup on the freeway, but nothings so bad when you're all in it together.

Besides, he joined band

My son was a complete, compliant angel until he turned 10 1/2 at which time he began growing facial and body hair and go through puberty. Suddenly, he was surly, beligerent and chronically complaining about everything. It was at this time that his intense, narrow interests emerged and he will obsess on things that he wants to do but isn't allowed to, such as drive a car! Thankfully, the only violence he has displayed so far is slamming doors and throwing things down but we correct him on these outbursts immediately and assure him that it's okay to feel the anger but he must express it by hammering, sawing, jumping on the trampoline or bicycling. These are the agreed upon anger-relieving activities. He has become pretty good about apologizing for his slips, especially after the door hinges gave out! He wants to do the right thing and that is a real blessing!

at the age of 11, my son began to become intensely fearful of others....thought everyone was out to get him....lots of violent, erratic behaviors.......he's 14 now, and things are much better. a change in schools has made a tremendous difference for him

I wasn't violent. But I wasn't far off.

I've actually calmed down a lot since my teens.

Umm...I never would intiate violence and I still don't.
Since Middle School though (Yrs 5 - 8, ages 9-13) I have been quite happy to hit back.
Yeh, Yeh, Yeh, I know I shouldn't but the fact is, it's the one thing that works with bullies.
Tell a teacher?
1.They ignore you
2.They tell you not to disrupt the lesson
3.They point the finger at you
4.The best situation, rarely happens in middle school, they get punished then back to square one.
Does. Not. Work.
Is it a case of itnianting violence or returning violence?
The two are very different things and as such, need to be dealt with very differently.
I am confident that I can tell you why any other recommended methods don't work. My stuff isn't just 'theory' either. It's real life, it works. Tried and tested.
Good luck!