22 month grandson showing some signs

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Orion will be two in March, and UNreliably uses three or four words. He responds to his name less than half the time, does not look when you point, and pretty much ignores verbal direction of any sort

He is affectionate and cuddly. I've not noticed any sensory difficulties, either hyper or hypo. He is very busy all the time and plays by himself unless you engage him and then he will play with you . . . sort of. He shows no "imaginative play" whatsoever, and plays with parts of his toys rather than grasping the concept of the toy. For instance, a car is a wonderful thingy with wheels that spin, his LeapFrog toddler computer is a source of amazing noises (his favorite is "You have a new email! which he presses repeatedly).

He loves anything with a string. His favorite toy of all time has been a bathtub drain. He will carry a tea bag around by it's string for an awfully long time . I had a heck of a time figuring out what to get him at Christmas, and I am beginning to understand why I thought "Just get him a set of assorted bathtub drains, make it easy on yourself."

His development physically was very average and on time. He does appear to have had a mild regression around 18 months of age, in that he used to say "mama" but no longer does, as well as no longer responding consistently to his name or verbal direction.

He's whiny and has what appear to be "average" toddler meltdowns but over all, he is a peaceful little guy. No tantrums that can't be soothed. He uses nonverbals and whining to let you know his needs, which are predictable most of the time.

He has two mommies, and we all live on a large farm property in two houses. His bio mom (my bio daughter), in the process of realizing Orion may be "on the spectrum", is having herself tested for AS. Now that I have been delving into ASD/AS, I can really see her point. She was a puzzling child, obsessive and hypersensitive, spoke before she was a year old meaningfully, and drove her teachers nuts with her obvious abilities and refusal to "perform". The more I read and learn, the more I have to agree with her.

What's even more interesting is my daughter in law is HFA, sits on the state autism society board, and is a lead geologist in the Dept of Natural Resources. Between the two of them, I am GRATEFUL that Orion will have almost the perfect situation, if indeed he is on the spectrum (about 99.9% sure).

I took the Aspie Quiz on a lark and was SHOCKED at my results (Aspie score 119/200 and NT 101/200). I had no idea. I just thought I was a bit eccentric, but it probably IS a bit weird to have farm animals that can come in your house.

Sorry for the long intro.

My daughters are of the mind that Orion should receive a formal diagnosis . . . eventually. They are not concerned about "early intervention" nearly as much as I am. He is their kid, and I respect that. What I really respect is, especially in the case of HFA daughter-in-law is that she KNOWS from the inside out, and now that she is a fully functioning (and amazing, beautiful, brilliant) adult, I see her as more of an authority on how we should proceed with Orion than . . . . well than NON spectrum NT types.

Now that we have adults on the spectrum speaking out, I really want to hear their opinions. I am very interested in NT parents opinions as well. I'm not the type to stick my nose in there and try and convince the daughters of anything, I just want to understand. I want Orion to just be himself to the best of what nature and environment can be.

Will Orion be "missing out", will he suffer needlessly for the lack of formal early intervention? I mean ABA therapy, speech therapy, that sort of thing.

HFA daughter described the development of children on the spectrum as being delayed, but only delayed. She believes he will come along on his own.

What we DO do, is during interactions, reinforce his speech, and get down on the floor with him and rather force him to play WITH us. Which is fine with him. And when he goes to his 2 year old ped appointment, the subject will be approached then.

What do the adult Aspies/ASD folks think about this? Do you wish you'd had early intervention if you didn't?

My two children weren't diagnosed as ASD until the middle school years and even then the dr. didn't seem to have much knowledge of ASD. so I never got help for them. Outcome? They're grown and doing fine.

Early intervention? I guess I was the usual wearer or many hats. I home schooled them. Occupational therapy was legoes, trips to the park, sandboxes, etc. The eldest did have speech therapy due to mis-pronouncing words.

I have to note that neither of them had trouble communicating. My first spoke exceptionally early, and the second could speak but chose not to until about 3 years old.

That said, I wish I had the support system that is available now, but ASD wasn't as recognized then.

i am not diagnosed with AS but i beleive i may have a mild case of it. i do have 2 children on the spectrum with my third possibly going to be diagnosed with AS as well. my 2yo also shows some symptoms.
at this point i find that early intervention has not been all that helpful. the services available, at least where i live, are severely lacking at best. i think that as long as all of you are there and are working to help the baby develope as much as you can on your own that will be more helpful than any professional intervention. as for speach therapy do some googling, you and the mothers may be able to find out what exactly can be done and do it on your own as well. it is very hard to get a diagnosis at such a young age unless there are obvious serious problems. he is not yet 2 so i wouldn't worry as much about it yet. my youngest son who just turned 2 in march did not make any attempt to speak at all before the age of two and i yes i was beginning to get worried. he had a 'tssttp' noise he made in place of any words. just before x-mas he started saying a few words and now he is suddenly talking non-stop. it is also fairly normal for boys off the spectrum to start talking later than girls do because they are more focused on other things. i also have a nephew who did not begin speaking at all until he was almost 7, he could not read or anything either. he is now 11 and is almost caught up to average grade level.
while it sounds to me like he is probably on the spectrum i think that early intervention is over rated provided that he is a happy and loving child and is receiving as much support as possible at home. i was also told through dealing with all the doctors and psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and therapists that they generally try to wait until the child is a bit older to see exactly where they are getting left behind before they make any formal diagnosis, at least where i live.

Good luck.

Hello-Welcome to Wrong Planet!

My son was diagnosed at 2.5 yrs of age. He was a very late walker (21 mos) He had words at the normal time, so autism was not really at the front of my mind. We started physical therapy with him at 1 yr of age because he was not even attempting to walk and would lay on the floor and flap his hands. Once I started physical therapy the therapists started pointing out all sorts of other developmental delays and concerns. So needless to say, we started him in Occupational and speech therapy at about 18 mos. We then started him in a special needs pre-k program through the public school system at 3 yrs of age. He is now 5.5 and is progressing very well. He speaks in full sentences and most of them make sense. He is running and climbing and jumping now, and he is learning pretty well. He still has many social difficulties and struggles with attention issues and staying on task, but overall, he is doing fairly well.

In answer to your question, every case of autism is different, so there is no way to know what the outcome will be. In our case, I think the early intervention was absolutely necessary, and it gave me lots of ideas on working with my son to help him come out of his shell. But, I had no knowledge of autism so I was totally lost. I have seen big improvements in my son, but there is no real way to know if the improvements can be attributed to therapy, or just time. I am a stay at home mom, so I spent lots of time with him, engaging with him, taking him places, reading to him, playing with him in his own way, playing music and singing to him. All of these things I think were very helpful.

Keep in mind, therapy can be good, but it is really only for a short period of time (a few hours a week, unless you are willing to pay big bucks!) I think what you have described that you all are doing sounds very good. Also, since both of his moms have knowledge in autism, and especially the daughter that is on the spectrum, she probably has a very good idea of what is helpful for him. I think you can do a lot to help him on your own. Many adults here on this forum never got any therapy since they did not know they had autism until much later on, and they are doing fine. Others do report that they would have maybe benefited from some early intervention.

As far as a diagnosis, I think this just depends on the educational path that you want for him. If you are going to go with the public school, then more than likely, they will suggest doing an evaluation if they notice that he is exhibiting autistic traits. I think that decision depends on what types of services you would like to receive. The school doesn't formally diagnose, but he still could receive services if he is displaying traits of autism.

Hope some of this helps-----Good luck with the decisions, sounds like he is getting what he needs, lots of love and attention!

I have nothing constructive to add - I'm a grandmother of a 2-year old too - and ZZ looks to me to be displaying signs. His parents think his obsession with numbers is a normal interest. They don't see that he uses numbers to interact with people instead of normal socializing habits of babies and toddlers. They remind me that toddlers are obsessive - and I know that - I had 4 of them myself. It's just not the same with ZZ and I don't know what to think about him not being interested, or even understand, interactive play other than getting me or his parents to count with him. Not that I'm sure he's got AS. But I found your description of your grandson helpful, as well as a couple of the comments above.

Thanks everyone!! Angelbear, you hit upon two important issues in my grandsons's life.

The daughter in law with HFA believes Orion's timetable for development is not going to be typical, but he WILL develop. We don't need people to pounce in him and pigeon-hole him.

To this day, the daughter-in-law gives public lectures about ASD issues and has parents of ASD children approach her and speak to her like she was an exceptionally talented savant. She says what she developed at six or seven years old, NT kids develop at age 2-3. She is NOT "ret*d" any more lol, but the people that rub her the wrong way the most are the NT parents who assume she just wants to run home after her "amazing public speech" and turn the lights off and on for a couple of hours.

I think daughter in law is a little bit sensitive but she comes by it HONESTLY and therefore I respect her sensitivity toward Orion.

We were not thrilled with sending him or any of the future kids to public schools before we knew about Orion's condition, and now we are sure we'll be seeking alternatives. SOMEONE will be able to do homeschooling around here, or pay for private school.

So early intervention to prepare him for mainstreaming in public school? Not necessary. I hadn't thought of that.

My concern was that special window where young children learn exceptionally fast passing us by. But maybe that's just NT kids?

Thanks WowLi, I'm new to all this too.

We just want our kids/grandkids to be OK. Not miss out or get irreparably "behind", but I'm beginning to question if this is a neurotypical bias, and not really "true" at all. Or, if being "behind" is really a bad thing.

People with AS lead lives that are satisfying to them. I don't think we have to treat it like it was a debilitating disorder. But certainly, they won't have the same needs as NT children and adults do. But how can we know what those needs are if we are NT? This is where I feel on shaky ground. How about you?

From what I gather, I don't think this is the point of early intervention - I get the impression it's more to make sure that kids are as "caught up" as possible - but it doesn't seem to be a use-it-or-lose-it situation. My husband didn't speak until he was 3, received no intervention at all, and, though he had a difficult time in school, he's doing fine as an adult.

In my own experience, the "quirks" my husband and I share were what brought us together, even though neither of us knew we were on the spectrum...in other words, it doesn't surprise me at all that your daughter-in-law shares the diagnosis with your grandson. I have a feeling this happens with many families.

That's an excellent question. It seems as though what's important for Orion is in large part what is obviously already important to HIM. He's not even two yet, so his needs are simple. Trust in his caregivers, safety, familiarity, ability to make his needs known and have them met. In whatever manner he is able to make them known. So far, he's "conventional" except he uses actual language about 5% of the time. When he's hungry, he goes in the kitchen and whines and moans at the cupboard where his snacks are , or brings you his cup and says he hehehehe! I figure responding to ANY attempt he makes to get me to interact with him is something I'd better do, on his terms moreso than mine.

Since he is not manipulative (maybe more of an NT trait?) I won't worry about indulging him. He may be almost two, but his language is at least a year behind.

So for him now, it's pretty simple. As he gets older? I'm gonna heavily rely on my HFA daughter in law for direction.

I don't want to insult or diminish the reality of an AS or ASD diagnosis, but in self reflection and a few self tests I may be on the spectrum myself. I was MUCH more un-NT as a child, though like my daughter, had no delays in language, but did have social problems that plagued me into adulthood. I will still eat the same food day in and day out for months until I get sick of it. I go to a local bead store just so I can feel beads and stare at all the different kinds . The people around me are used to my eccentricities and I somehow manage to have them laughing with me after initially finding me quite strange. I don't mean to be, I don't intend to be, I just am unless I try very hard NOT to be.

So I hope my natural bias toward accepting Orion just as he is, as I do myself, will be one of my better contributions to him. Lord knows his parents are on board. In a way, Orion is just beginning to show us he is "one of us". That's one way of looking at it, anyway.

I found a way to live my life and be satisfied with it. I know for a fact it would be a real trial for most NT types. That's what I hope for with Orion, when it gets down to it

This answers the question that was bothering me a lot. I'm seeing many on this forum who say they received no intervention. My HFA daughter in law never did, and from what she told me, she was very delayed.

If early intervention means to keep a kid "caught up", I have to ask, "catch up to WHAT?" We don't plan on public school, and even if he was NT, or simply has a lower IQ to account for his delays, we don't have expectations of conventional "achievement" to corral him into.

Thank you, your post put me even more at ease

Can I hire you to be MY son's grandmother?


No, seriously. Name your price


My mother-in-law believes my son has Aspergers because I fed him too many avocadoes as a toddler.
I kid you not.


I think at your grandson's age, you may just want to focus on the language development insofar as working it into casual daily activities, emphasizing some language based toys and games, etc. Maybe even see what he does with an ipad? Once he hits 4-7, that seems to me to be the time when you can start making sure he has opportunities to "soak up" knowledge, by expanding on his natural interests (drain plugs by then, may expand into how plumbing works, toy cars into how an engine works, etc.

It sounds to me like he is going to be FABULOUS

I just wanted to add one thing. While I am certain that I made the right choices for my son by starting him in early intervention with the public school system, I am not certain that he will stay in the public school system. There is no way that I could have afforded the therapy that they have given him free of charge. But I do want to share that I am only planning to stay with the public school system as long as it is working for us. I am ready to pull the plug on it at anytime! I don't want my son to be bullied, and I don't want to see him held back in special education classes because his behavior is disruptive in class. He is 5.5 now, and is not displaying genius or gifted traits, but he is able to learn.

I guess this is the only reason that I think a diagnosis can be helpful. It gives you the tools to know what you are dealing with and to make the right decisions for your child. But it sounds like you and your family do know what you are dealing with, so you are way ahead of the game!

I would LOVE to have more grandchildren And more daughters too, bring 'em on I'd do it for free.

If a food item caused my grandson's possible ASD, then in our case it would have been mandarin oranges. He eats three or four every day.

That is pretty much what we are doing. Going out of our way to name things and encourage but not get huffy about him saying the word, responding quickly to his attempts to communicate in whatever way he chooses. Not allow him to spend TOO much time lost in his own little world, but to at least sit with him and interact. This morning, I babysat while Mom went to college and Orion watched her leave calmly (usually gets upset) and them walked up to me and held up his arms. He's never done that before. Daughter said he's been doing that the last few days and they've been picking him up every time. So that's how we are working on "language" and creating intentionally pleasant, gratifying interactions to keep him plugged in.

He's coming up on his 2nd year ped check up/shots/whatever they do nowadays, and the subject will be brought up. It's true, the public education/early intervention provided by the state will be low cost or free, and there's no obligation to keep him in public school afterward. The daughters and I could pool our money for self-pay therapies, but if he'd get the same thing as a state benefit, it's something to think about.

Not going to public school was a "plan" before we had suspicions of ASD. I'm sure the first few grades are pretty harmless, it's when kids hit eight or nine years old that the bullies get bad Schools are improving on this issue but it's going to take longer than I'm willing to wait. My daughter was bullied and so was I for a time, and I still remember it, it's some painful stuff. The world is a rough enough place, and if I can prevent even SOME of it, I will try.

I think it helps to relate to ASD or AS as a "variance" in human expression. Of course I realize there are ASD and AS children who suffer terribly from the symptoms of their condition. And those of us one the spectrum or NT family members have a responsibility to DEAL with the variation and bring out the human being WITH the variation. It's just who the child is, and loving them means shopping for bathtub drains for Christmas sometimes