Please can adults with AS help me, scared for dd :(

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Have to say I have been looking on the rest of the forum and saw a few posts where people want to commit suicide.

I am distraught and devestated. What can I do to stop my own dd (just dx at 7 with AS) from ever hitting such a low point?

Thanks

Love him. Accept him. Encourage him. Nurture him. Be there for him. Be courageous. Accept your own shortcomings. Allow him to be your guide. Know when and where to set boundaries. Ask for help. Mostly, be a happy and healthy role model, but never deny your true self, your true feelings.

I think the most important thing is to have the type of relationship with your child where they feel they can tell you anything and everything. My son has always been very open and honest with me. When he had those feelings of killing himself at 10 years old, he was able to tell me exactly how he felt about his life. His complaints were of feeling "different" and even "weird" and feeling "alone and lonely" even when surrounded by people. It helped him to know that I had many of those same thoughts as a child. Once he was diagnosed with AS, it helped him even more to know that there were so many people out there who shared his feelings and were like him and that he wasn't alone. We've always focused on the positive aspects that come with AS. We gently guide and help him (never pressure or push him) to overcome some of the deficits that are bothersome to him and that he wants help in overcoming.

As your child, he is the most important thing in the world to you, just be sure that he (or she) knows that and feels it every day.

I think the others have said it above but I have one more thing to add. Be a protector to your son. If you son is having problems with bullies as school for example, do not brush it under the rug as "Boys will be boys". Do something about it and keep screaming until those that can do something will do it, even if to just shut you up.

oh I thought "dd" meant "darling daughter"?

I think it's different again for the kids, teenagers and people in their early 20's because they got the professional diagnosis, (I'm generalising) earlier than myself.

Some of the people who post saying they want to self harm etc are late to getting the diagnosis, which is different, to your daughter - this is the type of posts I've read on forums (maybe I am generalising/assuming again). Although there are some poor kiddies I've heard of saying that. I think it's to do with putting up with lots of things, trying to fit in, coping with anger, sadness and frustration.

Hormonal changes will be a big thing in a few years time, they can create mood swings. I went on the pill for about 10 years, but in some ways that made me depressed over time.

I had thoughts last year, but they were exacerbated by an SSRI that I had just started taking, and I realised it was the SSRI, not me! So I went to hospital for 3 days, and they changed me to different medication. I was feeling depressed though, but I was strong enough to realise, that it was the medication making things a lot worse.

I'm not sure what else to say, you can only do your best to support your daughter, there is help available, it is difficult to find, but there is more assistance then what people think sometimes. You may not always get people that understand Asperger's, but some assistance is better than no support at all.

The others have said it well. The biggest things for me would have been if my mother would have:

not blamed me for the bullies. Her response was always "well what did *you* do" and whenever she heard about me doing things weird, she would yell at me about it and tell me it was all my fault.

tell me she's proud of me. I never once heard her say that to me.

help me find workarounds and understand how to fit in when I want to, but let me know she doesn't consider me to be a hideous monster.

Send her here when she's older and let her interact with others and see that she's not alone.

You're already doing great - just by caring and wanting to learn so you can support her. You're a good mother and she's a lucky girl.

Tell her that she can talk to you about everything, even her Obsessions. Tell her that she adds Joy to your Life. Be the Soft Spot that your daughter can fall back on, when everything in her life seems to be going badly. Find out what her Strength and Skills are and build on them, because they might even pave the way to an interesting Career. Tell her that she can accomplish anything that she puts her Mind to, and that no Goal is impossible to reach. Tell her that she's your Perfect Angel and that Jesus loves her, just as she is. And if she has an unusual Accent, just let it be.

I tell my son its not his issues but the others who have them. i tell him to seek these jerks out in 10 years and see what they are doing.. Nothing... you will be somebody and they will be NO ONE.. I tell him its because he has 2 parents who care! 2 parents who tell him he can be anything he wants to be. positive feelings do help.. my husband is my sons step father. but he is the best father a boy can have, he is fierce protector of all evil against Ryan and would personally kick some asses just to help Ryan along.. I know that having my husband in my sons life made all the difference. I can say that you must fill your childs life with all thats positive. no matter how putrid it might be. you fill that childs life with happy positive thoughts about him.her.. you have much patience with them and let them know they can come to you with it all.. that you will tackle the burden. and I think the best advice of all is to seek therapy if one becomes depressed.. both of you.. remember AS is not a life sentance.. and truthfully you have a perfect child.. they are perfect just the way they are.. when you get down know that you need help.. i went to therapy.. not because i could not accpet my son.. but because I was doing it all alone before my husband.. i was beaten down by society who let me know at every turn that my son was not normal.. whats normal?? i would never change a hair on that childs head.. the people who have the issues are the so called normal.. they need to practice what they think they preach.. And know the world is made of very different folks.. stop coming off as perfect to the world and admit some where in that closet that they have something..

I suffered from depression for a long time because I just couldn't fit in. I only heard about AS 18 months ago, but since then I have started to feel a lot happier. I don't fit in any better, but I don't feel so bad about it now. Instead of trying to make friends, and then failing, I've realised that I just don't need lots of friends. I have one or two, I am happy with them, I do not feel lonely, so why make myself uncomfortable trying to make more just because it is 'normal?'

This is why I think it's important for children (and adults) with AS to understand their diagnosis.

I think it's also important to keep the lines of communication open between you. Another reason why I became so depressed was because I did not get any help when it first began. I was too afraid to tell anyone about the way I was feeling, you see, and so I only got treatment for my depression once I was 18 and knew that my parents wouldn't find out. If your daughter knows she can talk to you about her feelings, you would be able to get her help much earlier on if she does have trouble with depression.