Help with Young Adult Meltdowns

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My nephew who is 23 has recently turned in his resignation at Publix (employed 2 yrs.) and we'd hope that this would help with the meltdowns he's been having - NOT. He seems to think that everything is to be his way or no way. His parents and I have been very patient with him lately and try to decipher what exactly is wrong. I think alot of it comes from Facebook and the fact that he can't be as social as he would like. If someone doesn't except him as a friend he becomes very upset. He has girls that call him and would like to date, but he only wants the ones he can't have. Most of these girls are NT and treat him as a friend but will not date him. As I understand of most Aspies it is important that they receive a response from someone one way or the other. I have asked him when texting girls or calling to make sure that they understand that if they aren't interested in him then they should tell him and not leave him hanging. He has had some really bad meltdowns lately and his parents along with his grandparents are at wits end. They walk away from him and tell him they are sorry that he is having problems and that they hope things work out - then they leave the room and shut the door and he screams outside the door stating that he can't take it anymore. This type of situation is hard for anyone to deal with, Aspie or NT, on a daily basis. We all love him very much and no that he is a good kid, but lately it is taking a tool on everyone. Any advice?

Personally, I think you all need guidance from a psychologist well-versed in Asperger's to guide you through this. He needs to be working, out of the home, and on his own. To do all of this, he needs assistance transitioning into adult roles and responsibility.

Get him off Facebook for now. He needs to be focusing on the REAL relationships and social issues within his own family.

Hello there.

Based on what you have written, I am beginning to suspect that you are dealing with more then just asperger's syndrome here. If your nephew's meltdowns were caused simply by being over-worked and over-stressed, then I would say that is entirely related to asperger's syndrome. But having angry and overly emotional responses to things like not getting phone calls returned tends to indicate that there is something more going on.

Is it possible that your nephew is also dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder? See here for more details:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline ... y_disorder

It is hard to do a diagnosis based on the few paragraphs you have posted here, but I think that you may have to look beyond just Asperger's Syndrome to understand the source of the problems. Keep in mind that I am not doubting that your nephew has Asperger's Syndrome, I am just pointing out that there may be more going on here. Part of the situation is that the stresses associated with Asperger's Syndrome can (and do) exacerbate problems such as borderline personality disorder, which means that his problems are more then just one dimensional.

As for advice: I have to once again say that you CAN NOT do anything by yourself to fix this problem. In order for your nephew to deal with the problems that he is facing, he has to be an integral part of the process. In other words, your nephew has to accept, and understand his problems, and be willing to work on them. From there, you can help him, but you can't do anything to him in order to fix the problem without his active involvement. So I have to give you the same advice as I gave you last time: sit down with him, talk with him, and help him to realize that he has a problem, and then help him to help himself. Because anything other then that is going to be an ineffective waste of your efforts.

I'm sorry to say that my husband's family gave him the boot at 18. While it did cause him anxiety, he did survive.

I'm not saying this young adult needs the boot. I'm saying they need to enlist professional help to transition him to adulthood.

My husband is 35. He admits his emotional maturity is still extremely stunted. That hasn't held him back from having a family and a career though.

Ok, I have read a lot about this story through different threads but here is my advice

There needs to be a shared mindset regardless of what's going on here:
He may have a lot of problems but ultimately they are his problems. They are things he needs to work through not you.
Of course having said that you should give him whatever support as you feel comfortable with. That might mean money, a place to live etc, giving him advice about his behavior etc.
This is the adult way of thinking: you support him, while he "owns" the problems.
Since he has AS I would actually explain that to him very directly. This needs to be a serious frank discussion.

If you don't, then you risk enabling behavior and he might never want to (or need to) be independent. OTOH he seems to have some issues that need support so the "kick him out" method would not be approprate here.
I think you may need to have some family counseling to sort this out.
I think you have to keep pushing him little by little to take more responsibility for himself.
I would think the next step would be finding and keeping employment.

Don't get involved with the drama that is happening on Facebook with his friends, girlfriends (or lack) etc.
You really need to stay out of his personal life. It is not helping him become an adult when you get that involved.

I would address his "meltdown behavior". Whatever is happening he needs to work on controlling his behavior.

So focus on employment, apropiate behavior, and what you will and won't support him with--you know adult issues.
Oh, did I mention to stay out of his personal life.
Good Luck!