Should ASD kids be discouraged from trying to make friends?

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...Given that difficulties with relationships cause so much psychological trauma? Are kids better off if they're allowed to engage in their special interest as much as they want instead, when social interaction is not necessary for them to live meaningful lives, as it is for NTs?

This does not include developing the interaction skills necessary to acquire and maintain a job.

Discuss.

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Discuss? what is this, a philosophy assignment? when is it due?

Um no, it's an encouragement to get the conversation going in the thread.

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If said children want and can afford to live a completely isolated life outside society sure, why not. Otherwise, they'll have to go to school, get a job etc, so they'll need some level of socialisation. Those "skills necessary to acquire and maintain a job" you're talking about are developed through practice. Years of it.

It doesn't have to be no socialisation at all or forcing someone to the point of psychological trauma . Plus, not all people on the spectrum are extreme introverts - judging by what I've read on this forum, many of them would like more interaction and feel frustrated that their lack of social skills is limiting their options and creates such difficulties in making friends, finding a partner or getting along with their co-workers.

No... children need social skills. Besides, contrary to popular belief, not all ASD children lack a desire for social interaction.

F**K NO!

I'm gonna give it to you straight, that is absolutely the worst idea for an AS child.

Let me tell you my experience. I was diagnosed with AS when I was 5 years old, and everyone from my psych to the school admins was like "we should probably put him in the sp. ed. classes, it would be easier on him because he won't be with the main part of the school." My parents flat out refused and insisted that I be put in mainstream classes like everyone else.

Was I picked on? Yes, and not just by students, there were teachers and admins in on it too.
Was it difficult? You bet.
Would I have been as well off as I am today had it not been for this fact? Hell no.

See, the average person who passes me in the street sees me as normal. Well, maybe slightly eccentric, but for the most part the only people I've known who have guessed that I was an Aspie have been those who have either had AS people in their life or were psychs/psych majors. I have 13 years of mainstream schooling, of having to socialize with my classmates and deal with friend and foe alike, to thank for that.

Here's a metaphor. The difference between NTs and AS individials is like the difference between a ROTC student and an army conscript. With the ROTC trainees, they are given years of training on how to fight, shoot weapons, strategy and tactics, etc. With draft recruits, however, they give you the most basic of training: basically it's "Here's a gun, there's the enemy, try not to die." And once the Aspies and NT's reach the age where they are supposed to socialize with others, thats like the moment when the transports make landfall and the ROTC'ers and the conscripts all pile out and start the battle.

And just like there's the chance for you to get maimed or killed on the battlefield, so too is there the chance that you could suffer emotional trauma as a result of the heartless actions by others. But just like that chance is equal for both the trained soldiers and the draftees, so too is it equal for NT and AS individuals. And just like those who survive the war are considered veterans upon returning home, whether or not they had training before being sent off overseas, the NT and AS indivdual both learn from their experiences socializing, and it makes them better at it.

The point I'm trying to make here is that, just like how a recruit fresh off the draft eventually reaches the same level as an officer who trained in ROTC for X years, so too does the AS individual eventually learn how to socialize the same as an NT. The difference is that the NT has the "prior training" in the form of innate social skills, whereas with the Aspie it's a trial by fire. But if the "draftee" doesn't get a chance at combat, then they don't gain the experience that would get them to that level. Likewise, if an AS individual is kept sheltered all their life, then they will never learn to socialize.

I know it's a weird metaphor equating socializing to war (though to be fair that's what it's like sometimes) but hopefully I've managed to convince someone that it is important to allow Aspies to socialize and meet new people early on. Sure, they may not have the best time of it, and they might have some bad memories from it (just like combat can cause trauma like PTSD), but in the end they become better people for it.

There's a vast difference between pushing a child to make friends (which I experienced as well) and discouraging social interactions.

i bet you learned alot about people in the process of making and losing all those friends though, didn't you?

i have 2 kids diagnosed on the spectrum and a third starting his diagnosis process(aka. the big waiting list) while i don't really encourage them or push them to make friends or develop specific relationships i am teaching them the importance of being able to get along with their peers and that being a good person and doing the right thing is far more important than being popular and that is the goal we set for them. so yes, they do have to learn to interact with others in a way that is polite, and kind. they have to be able to stand up for themselves or others they see are being picked on or threatened. they have to be able to work with others and be involved in their activities but they don't have to like the person or become attached to the person. that is my philosophy. how it will work out in the end, i suppose i will let you know in 15-20 years when they are grown. i consider all these things to be what socializing children is about and that the friendships and alliances are second to these skills. i would not want to deprive them of learning these things because it would be easier for them(and me) not to make them try and just let them hide in the house doing their own thing.

just to add: at this point in time i don't really have any friends to speak of either. this is my own choice and yes, i am pretty much hid away from the rest of the world. i raise my kids and have my own interests i work on in my spare time which is rare. BUT i could make friends if i wanted to and i am good with people and can cope very well in almost any social situation because i have the skills i learned when i was a kid going to school and hated every minute of it.

What do you mean by "discouraged" and "encouraged?" Of course they're better off allowed to engage in their special interest as much as they want. That doesn't mean they can't make friends as well or at least try to. If they want to try, that's not a bad thing. Sure, they'll fail. Do you think that means they shouldn't try? Maybe one of those friends will be a friend they can keep forever. And how do you propose to go about discouraging them? If engaging in their special interest as much as they want prevents them from also having time to try, you don't need to do any discouraging. It's not for you to say if they make friends or not. It's not a choice between "forbid them from trying to make friends" and "force them to socialize so much they don't have time for what they love." Just make the opportunities available for them to socialize if they want, but don't force.

And it's not your place to pass judgment.