we're both aspergic, will our child be severely autistic?

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I have aspergers and so does my fiance. we both hope to have a child once we're married. My main concern is whether putting two aspergics together will lead to our child being severely autistic?
I dont mind if its high functioning or aspergic, but I fear we would really struggle if it was low functioning. (I also have bipolar).

what have your experiences been when you're both autistic?

Last edited by hopefulaspie on 17 Feb 2011, 5:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

We're one Aspie and one "some Aspie" genes and we have one NT child and one AS child. Honestly, you never know. I think the odds go up for a more severely affected child when both parents are on the spectrum, but since it's a mix of genes the child could also be completely NT. We've seen a little bit of everything on this forum, all sorts of combinations. Don't let fear drive your decisions or you'll miss out on living.

I have AS and my children's dad thinks he has ADHD (no dx) we have one aspie son, one son with adhd, maybe AS and a daughter who so far appears NT (she's 10)

Both my husband and I are suspected Aspies, and so far my children have both shown ASD traits but are for all intents and purposes NT.

I am NT and my husband is mainly NT with some AS traits. Our son is somewhere on the spectrum in the high functioning range. There are no diagnosed cases of autism on either side of our family. So I guess my point is, you never know how it is going to turn out.

my SO has classic autism and i am an introverted NT with some funky traits (asd or ocpd or ocd, whatever). our two biological children are NT and classic autistic.

there are no guarantees. you have a higher likelihood of having an asd child, since there is some genetic component and asd runs in families, nothing to say where that child will fall on the spectrum tho.

it may just be anecdotal, but it seems to me that the more severe cases of autism are not necessarily ones where there are other diagnosed autistics in the family. i may be imagining it, but from seeing families here on the forums and elsewhere, it seems that aspies beget aspies more than they beget severe autistics. the severe cases seem to be ones that hit out of the blue or come from severe regression. thats just the feeling i get tho, no proof of it.

since it is genetic there is more chance that the baby will be on the spectrum. if i use the simplest form of genetics and assume that you and your hubbies AS are caused by one genetic trait then there would be a 25% chance NT baby, 50% chance AS baby and 25% chance of baby getting both of your AS genes. now, does the 25% chance of getting both mean it will be more severe or low-functioning? i suppose there is a chance that is what it could mean, or it could mean nothing. if you are planning a family and are concerned about this you could always talk to a geneticist about it because that would probably be the only way to get an accurate answer.

Thanks everyone for replying, its quite reassuring I've been feeling really worried about it because we both REALLY want a child, but wouldnt want to knowingly bring a very ill child into the world. We would love to have an aspie child, I think in a way we would find it easier to connect with because it would understand us and we would understand it
Its been loevely to have such friendly responses, i've mentioned my conditions on a other forum before and I was ripped to shreds was told I was selfish and would be a terrible parent

My husband is an Aspie. I'm NT. We have one son and he's an Aspie.

My husband's parents aren't diagnosed, but we think dad is an Aspie and mom is ASD (higher functioning). They had three kids. As far as we can tell neither of my husband's brothers are ASD (they might have some tendencies, though).

We have 9 of nieces/nephews on his side. None are diagnosed with ASD. We think that 3 are "undiagnosed" (higher functioning...at least one is CLEARLY an Aspie) on purpose.

In our opinions, it's genetic. As to severity, we personally think that's genetic too. Do you have family members on either side that are low functioning? Are most people on both sides verbal? (we think that friends of ours had a non-verbal due to the parents both being "less verbal" children themselves).

As for those other forums...WOW!! ! I was completely blown away by other opinions/discussions on a few I've been a member of. I found Wrong Planet and am now making it the only forum (even though I'm NT, this community is by far more supportive and insightful without being harsh and negative).

My son is almost two months and he has not showed any abnormalities. So far his development has seemed normal so far. But some kids don't start showing signs until they are older so you never know

I'm sorry to hear you've had bad experiences elsewhere. I've noticed here at Wrong Planet that your concerns are actually quite common among AS adults. AS adults have a different approach and way of expressing such worries than NT's might, but none of it means the person is selfish or destined to be a bad parent.

I've recently been diagnosed with aspergers, I'd not considered any effects it might have on my children.

2 aspie parents = my aspie son

I totally agree with the genetic element. Ive never believed its due to vaccines or the like. Its clearly genetic as my family has proved! I have it, my sister has, so does my father and my fathers grandfather! All have been able to function and have only been Aspergic, but I'd be the first aspergic in our family to concieve with another aspergic; hence my worries!


How have you all found it as aspie parents? Have you found it especially challenging?

I could be wrong, this is just what I think, but I think Asperger's is mostly genetic, and Aspies will pretty much make more Aspies. I think the "classic" autism has more of an environmental factor as well as genetic susceptibility. Kids who appear "normal" and then out of the blue seem to go downhill I think usually are more likely to be the more severe autistics. But as I said, I could be wrong.

The good thing is, if/ when you do have kids with Asperger's, they will have the advantage of BEING UNDERSTOOD! That's huge.

It is challenging for my husband. He was raised in a situation where he & his two brothers weren't able to shout or fuss. Due to the way he was raised, he has some unreasonable expectations for our 5yr old.

Being NT, I'm the one to step in and give suggestions. We're all in therapy right now and he's learning ways to parent with baby steps. Our situation is different since my husband was just diagnosed.

The best suggestion I'd have for you is to make certain you're both on the same page with raising your future children (such as discipline and schooling).

Luckily we both wanted to home school prior to our son's diagnosis. Our discipline styles are different. I prefer time outs and calm talking. My husband is in the process of learning this.

When I asked my husband his opinion on this question you posed:

He & I both discussed the fact that if you aren't both truly on the same page, it will present a challenge raising your future child(ren) and pose a threat to the stability of your marriage. Right now, though our son was formally diagnosed with AS, we are still in the doctor/diagnosis process. If we weren't both equally concerned about our son's health issues, one of us would be resentful of the others. This is a common problem in marriages with ASD children. One parent often becomes solely involved in medical/schooling decisions, while the other is either wrapped in their career or in their own interests.

Having an ASD child adds stress to any marriage. Obviously you and your fiance really need to sit down and consider how (in advance) you would deal with the added stress of adding a child to your daily routine. And, plan what you would want to pursue *if* your child had ASD (what type of schooling/socializing/sensory therapy/intervention programs-etc). This would need to be planned out with any NT child you had, as well. Do you both agree on discipline styles?

A tidbit: My husband had young cousins that lived nearby early in our relationship. I had agreed to care for them several times per month. Going over to their home together gave me insight into what my husband could and could not handle. With four children, he was *VERY* stressed out and prone to "reaction" discipline. Knowing this I had an idea of how he'd be as a parent. In our parenting, I am at the steering wheel, as that how it needs to be for now. He's getting better at controlling his reactionary nature, but it does still happen.