Do aspies answer yes or no?

Post Reply New Topic

My son is AS or HFA- not sure which. He and his apparent NT younger brother live with mom in another state. I have monthly visitation when mom doesn't interfere and half of summers.
This summer has been especially hard. My kids do not like that I have remarried, but get along fairly well with my new family. My oldest son does have a lot of AS tendencies, but not sure of the extent of his dx yet. The problem we have right now is that he will not give a straight answer to anything. Every answer is evasive and incomplete. Example: "Is it raining outside?" (full storm is going on) "Well, it does seem that there is substantial precipitation". "Yes or no, is it raining?"....No answer.
My ex constantly spoke like this, and was impossible to pin her down to anything. I could never get a straight answer but would always get a negative one.
So, is my son's responses nature or nurture? The 'little professor' stuff doesn't bother me; it's the inablity to answer a simple question. Any suggestions or similar experiences?

My boss is always ragging on me for not giving a yes/no answer. He's also mentioned my pessimistic / negative outlook a few times also.

I do like the "Well, it does seem that there is substantial precipitation" statement. It answers your question, and also tells you how much it is raining (which could be your next question).

One doctor (psychiatrist) I saw was like this and only wanted yes or no answers to his barrage of questions. I couldn't stand it and stopped seeing him because it is very difficult to give yes or no answers without some explanation. It is almost like lying - hard to explain I guess. But for example, if someone asks you a question - do you like pizza - well it depends because some pizza I think is OK, but depending on the toppings or restaurant making the pizza, I might not like it at all. So that question which might be a simple yes or no, really isn't without further clarification or without an explanantion. Don't feel bad though - it drives my husband up the wall too.

I can answer 'yes' or 'no' ... It just depends on how bothersome I want to be. If I don't want to really be bothered, and someone asks me a question, I'll reply with a simple yes or no. If it's something that moves me and I want to talk about it, I can go on and on about what I'm talking about. Then, I don't like simple yes or no answers.

Sometimes, if things are a bit too complicated, I may find myself in a situation where I know the solution but can't easily explain it. Then, I'll sometimes just say yes or no and try to avoid having to give an explanation. I sort of don't mind the yes or no stuff, but there are times where I don't exactly like the 'how' questions. I tend to figure a lot of things out on my own, which can sometimes take a few minutes depending on what it is, and people want step-by-step answers to how I did. That's annoying, especially when telling people how to work particularly complicated stereo and television equipment. People mess around with buttons and sort of screw things up. I know how to get things working, but it's seems to be somewhat intuitively. It's not usually the same process the next time I do it, and I know that. People tend to like everything to be cut and dry.

As far as the precipitation statement, I like the statement, though I doubt if someone asked me if it was raining or not, that I would then come up with that complicated of an answer. I would instinctively just answer yes or no.

"Substantial precipitation" sounds like words coming from a weather reporter. I imagine your son probably listens to the news or the weather channel or something, hears these phrases and knows how to apply them, and then just speaks using them. Why he's doing that, though, I really can't say. Maybe it's intuition, or maybe he's trying to impress.

- Ray M -

Translation of statement: It's raining heavily

I ocassionaly use 'yes' or 'no'. Sometimes, I'll lauch into a lengthy explantiation.
Really depends on a few things which I'm not going into.

My saying: It's not pessissm, it's accuracy.

((I live in England.))

im aspie and i will word questions in suck a way that you can only amswer it yes or no and it infuriates me when peopel wiggle out of this option and give a long drawn out explanantion....so i suspoect that you are aspie....also people especially your ex wife will learn that whe you want a yes no answer,,,they will give you the longest drawn out answer possible as they have learned that this annoys you.......so your son is copying her and your aspie too.

I'm longwinded and can't seem to say things in a few words. I probably couldn't answer the rain question in one sentence. I would probably, however, at lesat bengin with "yes" or "no" before I supplied you with details about what was getting flooded outside and what various web pages said about how long it would last.

I also think that he might be teasing you with his wording. Hold old is he? Both of my boys are autistic, but the 17 year old is a real adolescent wise guy somtimes.

I will give anything but a yes no answer evrybody must know exactly what i'm saying or it drives me nuts but I have no tolerance when I ask a yes or no question and get a longwinded respose becuse it's not what I asked

I am like this. If I don't know something exactly for sure, and I mean just checked it 1 min ago sure, I give long winded explainations. I want to be as accurate as possible in my explainations, I don't want to leave any room for error. And in many situations there are unknowns that I can't account for, which results in long winded explainations.

I fairly poor short and long term memory(for some things) causes me to second guess and give long explainations accounting for all the lapses in memory that I may have.

I know it can be frustrating to some, who value speed and excess confidence in answers. So if I remember I'll give out a short answer and then a longer explaination. But I would love to work and interact with people that appreciate these long answers.

Wow ... Some aspie people here seem to be way more talkative than I would have imagined. I can ramble on and on, too, usually out of excitement, when I am interested in something, or when I am bored. Most of the time, I am in deep thought, and I tend not to even worry about what others are saying around me. Sometimes, I listen in to this and that conversation, and I apply what was said to things in my mind. I seem to hear everything, however, almost intuitively at times, and I have a long memory for bits and pieces of conversations. I sometimes can even remember the tone of voice used by the people in those conversations.

Overall, though, I don't like to be bothered. Most of my answers to personal questions are a simple 'yes' or 'no' or similar.

"How did you do in school today?" ... "Good."
"How was work today?" ... "Good."
"Did you do your homework?" ... "Yes."
"Can you do something for me?" ... "Why?"

That tends to be how I speak quite often, unless I am in a conversation. I don't get up from my computer, because I tend to be on the computer like 70% of the day, and start rambling about the weather in long and winded sentences, if someone were to ask me whether or not it is raining. If I was in a conversation with someone at the table, then I may ramble on about something.

I'm just sort of amazed that many aspies seem to want to converse all the time.

- Ray M -

egghead

I'd agree that maybe it is possible your son is doing this to annoy you. How's that for vague? But you may have asked a question that wasn't specific enough. Suppose it was hailing not raining, or snowing, suppose it was dark so you couldn't tell by looking out the window? Then perhaps your son is covering all bases by being overly pedantic or literal.

You could try asking him if he has a more specific or definite answer (and/or) if he's just trying to annoy you or if you didn't ask a clear enough question to get the answer you need.

You could ask him if he thinks it matters one way or the other. You could tell him why you need a definite answer - maybe that would help you both work out if his answer is important or not.

You might actually try explaining in detail, using the correct, literal words, your frustrations with his non-answers and that you know you're not the perfect parent, you're trying the best you can, and sometimes you could use his help with clearer decisions on his part.

And don't encourage him to study philosophy because you'll never get a straight answer out of him again. I'd be a rotten witness for instance: "Yes your honour, I'm as certain about this as I am certain that anything is certain ie not very. "

The other thing I do is interpret the answers from certain indecisive friends. I'd ask them a yes-no question and I'd get unhelpful answers along the lines of "maybe, not sure, I don't know, I'll think about it", and I tell them straight out, that I will interpret that as a "No" ie anything that is not a "Yes" is a "No". It worked very well for me. If things were on delay, like I'd sent an email or txt message, I would give them a deadline to reply "yes" or I'd assume "No". If they really wanted to say yes, then they work pretty hard to make that clear, even if they missed the deadline, otherwise they get to "be nice" by not saying "No" but know that's what I'm going to act on.

Additional thoughts to add to the previous posts:

I think very few questions (in my opinion) can be answered easily with just a simple yes or no. Whether that has anything to do with AS, OCD, or whatever I don't know. But even at looking at the "is it raining" question - you specifically mentioned that it was storming and really pouring outside. The term "raining" could mean anything from a light sprinkle to just short of a hurricane. So it seems to me in terms of Aspie accuracy perhaps your son decided to give you a description of the rain instead of just answering yes because he may not have known your motivation behind the question (too close the car windows, put something in the shed, decide not to go to the store). I think if you want a yes or no answer than perhaps the question needs to be as specific as possible without leaving room for vagueness. Perhaps something like it seems to be really storming outside, is that right? Maybe you would get a yes or no, but most likely he may engage you in conversation about the precipitation. Which weather also is a subject that can be a big obsession with those on the spectrum. I know I love rain so for me it is a deep subject with hundreds of nuances of rain (no two rainstorms are alike - lol) - so there is no such thing as "just" raining .

It could also be that it is an attempt on his part to engage in conversation with someone - and Aspie kids tend to be able to better converse with adults than with their peers. Does he do this with his siblings too or does he give them abrupt answers like Aeturnus mentioned to brush them off?

Thanks to everyone. Lots to think about.

My son is 14.

I have done AS testing and am halfway between an NT and AS, so for him to be AS is not surprising if you believe in genetic predispositions.

In many ways I understand his more convoluted answers. He does these with everyone, adult, sibs, and classmates. I did it as well, and still do so, but I was raised by teachers (mom, dad, aunt, grandmother) so I learned that everything has an explanation.

My ex spoke this way more in a effort to not be pinned down to an answer. Our therapist (prior to the divorce) opined that she had a personality disorder, and her roundabout statements, obtuse answers, and incomplete sentences, were due to an inablility to express due to an inability to complete her thinking. As she has deteriorated post divorce (IMO because no one is there to intercept and enable- i.e. me) this seems to become more evident. I'm not sure if my son is attempting to be more concise or more evasive. The first I can work with, the second I would have to work against, since I see how it has worsened his mother.

Actually, I don't often want to converse. The trouble is, with the diffucultes with social situations, I get nervous. When I'm nervous, I. DO. NOT. SHUT. UP.