"Borderline" Asperger's PreTeen Daughter

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Hi:
I found this website from Cynthia La Brie Norall's "Quirky, yes. Hopeless, no" book. I have an 11 year daughter who has been seeing a therapist since last September. It started out because she had developed a flying stinging insect phobia which was stopping her from going out at all. She also transitioned from a private Catholic school to a public middle school and she has had the worst year. Her therapist initially diagnosed her with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, the phobia, and ADHD, and "possible Asperger's, although the diagnosis is not made at this time."

She has become very depressed, isolated, and negative over the course of the school year. Reading more and more about Asperger's, I am thinking that AS may be the primary culprit in our issues. I am trying to educate myself as much as possible so that I can be her advocate and teach her how to help herself.

She started seeing a psychiatrist because the therapist wanted her to get ADHD meds and our family doctor said no, because the meds for ADHD and anxiety can be counter productive. So, we went to the psych. and they started her on Prozac. I have seen a little change, not much, other than sleeping better since she's been on it which has been about a week now. I am very concerned though because she scratches herself when she cannot cope with her anxieties. She scratched a sad face into her forearm using her nails. I know that is a HUGE call for help, so I have been talking to her about it a lot. I've let her know it's okay to use coping mechanisms when she's stressed or anxious, but that we need to find one that works where she is not hurting herself.

We are a military family and move fairly frequently, which I'm sure adds to the anxiety and stress. We are moving to Rhode Island for a year while my husband goes to school. So, we will be moving twice in a year (or 13 months). I am trying to be so strong for her and help her, but I really find myself getting scared and not knowing what to do anymore.

I have another daughter who is 13 and has not been diagnosed with AS, but definitely has a lot of the characteristics. Both of my younger girls are very bright and straight A students. They have both had a very hard time socially this year and have not made any friends. This is the first time they have never had friends at school.

Should I ask the school to re-evaluate my youngest for AS? Does anyone have any suggestions for resource material? I think I am the best advocate for my daughter(s) and will have to be armed and ready to help them. Meanwhile, I just need to breathe and keep going.

Thanks.

Resources: asdstuff.org click on the goods and then Congratulations Your Child is Strange on the left. One of the first threads this WrongPlanet's Parent forum has recommended books, many of which you can find at the library.

You sound like a great mom. Any chance you can homeschool at least your 11yo until you figure all this out? This will "save" her from stresses you currently can't put a finger on and will reduce her school transitions since you will be moving so much. I meet plenty of military families that homeschool.

A very independent, fun online curriculum is Time4learning.com. They are light on history and science so you could supplement a bit there. Try a grade up from where she is in public school. Then if you decide to keep it up, I recommend K12. K12 is very rigorous but will take take up your time as well as hers. Also check out Classical Conversations communities. Some millitary families are able to join one wherever they move. My aspie son has thrived there and I had a more disabled aspie in my class this year. He progressed through his own goals well. CC is very academic plus a nice environment.

Hope some of this helps.

To be honest, her issues sound reactive. When life is treating you horribly you get depressed and anxious. And when a girl is 11 life often treats her horribly. I know, my NT daughter is in 5th, having a rough time, and I've spent lots of time talking to the "been there" families I know from my 13 year old AS son's school life. Whether or not she is AS, you won't get very far unless you figure out the environmental issues. If the environment is wrong for her, she won't thrive it, whether she is NT(nuerotypical) or AS (autistic spectrum), taking pills or not taking pills.

The voice that I feel compelled to need to hear, reading your writing, is your daughter's. What has she said about school? What has she said about the counseling? How does she feel about the situations she is in and being asked to cope with? What does she identify as the problems? Is she being bullied (and with girls this is most likely very subtle)? How does she feel about going on medication, and how does she describe the effect it is having on her? IS she talking to you about all these details, and are you gently asking? I do see you wrote that you have been talking to her about it a lot, but I'm not sure what you are gathering from that. This is really important for us to know, in deciding what might be appropriate advice.

While I don't want to focus on it, I do feel I should ask you to proceed with care on the medication. Your family doctor was right to hesitate, and you need to really be there with your daughter ground level assessing how it is affecting her. I spent 8 years on anti-depressants myself and they are VERY difficult to go off of, and one I tried almost threw me over the edge; it really is a last resort thing, in my book, especially since they remain untested in kids. I wouldn't mention it but you aren't too far along into the protocol to abandon it. Are you comfortable you had the full information making this decision? Yes, the self-harm is of deep concern and that is when most families will take the step to medicate, but not that many GP's will say no ... I can't help but feel he must have had a good reason.

Anyway. I hope I haven't scared you off, but some decisions are big enough to warrant asking more about. I definitely want to find out what is going on environmentally in her life; most of us here have found mitigating the environmental issues to be HUGE. Welcome, and I hope you will find the membership here helpful.