Crazy Mom?

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I'm new to this & honestly the reason I became interested in this site is because my 20 year old son with Aspergers is struggling with reality. He had an overall "successful" school experience, but college, job seeking, girlfriend seeking, etc. has all been super frustrating for him and us(his family). I don't know how involved I should get in his life; he had a major nervous breakdown in December, and is finally starting to feel better. Ugh-this is soooo hard! I just want him(& us) to be happy.

sounds like he needs to go to the dept of labor, vocational rehabilitation which can get him a case worker who will give him the resources needed to get help in college, and job skills and a job coach that will help him find a job. If he does not have a diagnosis, they can pay for testing too. basicly it is a vocational resource broker for those with disabilities.
As far as the girl friend goes, has he tried to go onto aspie affection, which is an aspie dating site, the link is on the left side of the page, you can narrow your search to your area too.

Hopefully some of our adult members will post about how the transition has been for them but, mostly, I would suggest this: let him slow down on growing up. Let him take his time. Developmentally AS kids and adults are on their own unique time-line, with some skills super ahead and others lagging. Which makes everything complicated and frustrating.

Welcome to the Planet!

It's a bit difficult to comment appropriately as you have not revealed what the nervous breakdown was about specifically, but I'll try to comment anyway.

He should momentarily forget about the girlfriend seeking and focus either on college or job seeking.

If he chooses college, he should apply to receive services with the disabilities office on campus. They might want to do a learning disabilities assessment if he can't provide documentation from an acceptable outside source.

As to how involved you should get, it depends on the nature of the particular problem. If he is suicidal, you should get involved to the fullest extent possible to get him help. If he's severely depressed, you can lend him emotional support, encouragement, and suggest he see a doctor.

For most other things, if he is amiable to your involvement, you should work with him, not for him. For example, you can show him how to write a resume, or take him to a resume writing workshop, but don't write his entire resume for him. You can tell him how to enroll for classes at college, but don't go enroll for him. You can even tell him to call the office for students with disabilities and make an appointment, and get him the number if you want, and if he wants you to, accompany him to the appointment, but don't call for him.

How does he converse with strangers in business type situations? Does he clearly articulate his needs to them?

I agree that since it's not clear "why" the nervous breakdown took place, it is hard to comment. But I can say this: all people are basically the same, Aspie or not in terms of wanting to feel accepted and normal and fit into society. He should know that there are so so many people just like him - why not refer him to this board? That should be a good starting point. Not all son's want to talk to their "mommies" about everything they're feeling, especially in the girlfriend department. My husband (now 29) always felt different, less social, struggled in many ways - although he just recently discovered why. But he has always been a very hard worker and that's what has got him through. There are jobs that your son can be very successful at, there are women who will love him for who he is. Interviews may be tough for him, but he CAN learn how to get through an interview successfully. He may need to learn the most basic things like making sure to make eye contact etc, but it can be taught. Have you ever watched the movie Adam? It's a movie about an adult aspie male, it's a good watch. Although my husbands apergers is fairly high functioning, I found the movie interesting anyway.
The other thing to keep in mind is he is only 20! Although years ago, it would be common to be married, holding down a full time job ready to have children, that is just not the case with young adults that age today. I have family and know many young adults in the age range of 19 to my age of 29 and although I got married at 21 almost every other person I know in that age range is no where close to that point in their lives. My little sister in law (25) is still at home with her parents without a full time job and still "dating". Most of my friends from school are just getting married now at 29. It's very common that major life events are happening later in life than they used to. So I really wouldn't stress at 20. All you can do is point him in the right direction and try to give him the help he needs if he can appreciate it. Some people will end up only getting annoyed with parents that are overly involved...just depends on if he is accepting of the help that you try to provide for him IMO.
Good luck