raising children

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I'm a 23 year old male and I'm really interested in getting married and having children one day. I'm actually a preschool teacher( yes a guy preschool teacher) and a lot of my coworkers have kids and I look at the parents of the kidI teach. It's really made me think that Iwant to have children myself. Teaching them and having them are different and I do see some of the things required and what it takes, but what is it like actually having children. What would I need to do in order to become a good dad one day. Experienced parents, please share.

Just the fact that you would think to ask that question is a good indicator that you'd probably be a good parent. Forethought is quite admirable. Talking about what you expect out of parenting - deep issues you and your SO should discuss - you will need to work together like you have never worked together with someone before. Practice sleep deprivation...

Kidding... but not really...

Having kids is a big big lesson in learning to deny your own wants and desires. There are many many rewards but that level of personal denial can be a shock to some.

There is so much... but those were the biggest issues for me.

Oh, how I wish there were more male preschool and elementary teachers! My sons could use some male role models in the education system.

I'm a mom, not a dad, but these are some of the things I wish I'd really thought about early on:

1. Your relationship with your spouse is the foundation of stability and the model of love for your children - foster it FIRST and ALWAYS. Find a balance between looking after kids' needs and marriage needs because when the balance tips too far toward the kids, the irony is that they will ultimately be the ones to suffer the most.

2. Accept your children unconditionally, and resist the temptation to make them better/faster/smarter to keep up with your friends' and neighbours' kids. Take the high road by refusing to play the "who has the best kid" game.

3. Never spank or hit your children (this one I knew all along - I was never spanked as a child and I firmly believe it is abusive to do so. In my country, it is legally abuse if you have anything in your hand when you are doing it, and I think ultimately it will become illegal to hit a child even with a bare hand, as it should be).

I agree with the former poster, it's a good sign that you are thinking proactively about these things

Does being a parent for three months count?

You need to have lot of patience and accept the fact you might not get enough sleep when the baby is born and when they are little. They spit up a lot so tons of laundry unless you wear the same outfit at home so there is less laundry.

When you child does something wonderful like using the bathroom on their own or going pee pee or poo poo in the potty or bring home a good grade or report card , you praise them and tell them good job or tell them how proud you are of them. It helps their development and build up their self esteem.

Also talking to your infant, even though they can't talk yet nor understand a word you are saying, talking to them is still very important. Tell them what you are doing to them like when you change their diaper tell them "I am going to get your diapee changed." "Oh what a mess you did in here" "We're almost done" (if he cries) and "Okay what clothes shall you wear?" it helps them develop language. Same as when you can't get to them on time when they are crying, tell them what you are doing and that you be there when you are through. That also helps with their development and lets them know you are still there for them. Even if you are driving. They need to hear their father's or mother's voice when they are crying if you can't get to them on time.

And also they take away your time from yourself, especially your special interests and there be lot of interruptions and routine disruptions. Kids also rely on touch because babies need to be held. It also helps them develop love and trust. Also you need to spend time with them. It does require flexibility.

I would also recommend reading child development books or go to Babycenter and read on stuff there about baby development. It tells you what you should do with a new born and so on. It tells you what activities to do with them or what to do and it also tells you about your child's development so you know what to expect. It goes by week by week and monthly for development. They learn so quick.

The most important thing in my opinion is that you need to have a stable and comfortable family situation for kids to be born into. Kids are wonderful, but they take lots of time, money, and effort, and unless you have of all those things available in excess before having the kids, you will be short of them when the kids come along.

I'd recommend first trying to get to a reasonably high level of financial stability. You don't have to have a house paid off, but it's nice to have the down payment saved up, as well as a stable career. Then you need a girlfriend and eventually wife to be a mother to your kids. Fortunately, as a man, you don't have as strict a time limit as women do, so you can take your time and find the right woman. Then, once you've found her, take a few years to get the arguments out of the way and get to a good working relationship with your wife before adding the stress of kids.

What is it like actually having children? Well, they take up all your spare time, so don't count on continuing any hobbies other than the kids. However, if you really want kids, they're really wonderful to have. There's nothing better than sitting on the couch with my two kids each snuggled under one arm.

Maybe I should add in cloth diapers. They are cheap to use (or frugal I shall say) because they save money on diapers and you won't have to go out and keep buying them because all you have to do is keep washing them. They are not that much work. You can keep them in a bucket with a lid on and rinse out the poo in the toilet. You can buy diaper sprayers now that connect to the toilet. You can buy them online. You also don't need that much diapers. 24 diapers at least. I bought way too much so I have 64 total and I only use like 24 of them or 30 (I never counted) and I wash them every four days. They may be pricy at first when you buy them but it's cheaper and you don't need that much diapers. You can buy them in baby resale stores or online like ebay or etsy. I also use baby wash cloths as wipes to save on baby wipes and I keep a jug of water at the changing table and put some on the washcloth to clean him up.


Oh and don't be surprised if you find you and your wife arguing more during pregnancy. I found out it's very common and the most number one argument is about finances. My husband and I went through it.

Invest in a good wet vacuum... and a carpet cleaner... No matter how considerate your child is, they will eventually vomit while in bed.

I just spent 45 minutes cleaning my son's floor, wishing I had at least one of those.... And for some reason, the older my son gets... the weaker my stomach gets..

Uggggg.... I really think I'm going to be sick....

Just a note... I was allergic to cloth diapers... try them out before you really invest in them. Though they do make good spit rags and cleaning rags too..

How can you be allergic to cloth diapers? They have no chemicals in them. Could it be the laundry detergent that was used on them when they got washed?

Could have been... I dunno, I don't remember it.

Actually, that makes sense... I only have two allergies now.. and one of them is perfume. I have no idea what my mom might have used waaaaaaay back then.

Good point.

Some people have allergies to certain laundry detergent so they have to use a certain kind. My son has some possible allergic reaction to a chemical in the diapers we were using because he be red down there but when I started using cloth, it went away within a couple days and it never came back when I kept using cloth. I just thought it was a diaper rash when I was using disposables. My nurse thinks it could be a allergic reaction. Even some babies have to wear a certain brand because of what the companies put in their diapers and they are allergic to it. So the parents have to find the right brand and stick with it that doesn't give them redness or a burn.

Yah for preschool teachers im one too (female!) I too always wanted kids and of course knew lots and lots about them after working with them for over 7 years, but after having 2 of my own now, it is totally toatlly nothing like being a teacher, both good and bad!! I feel i understand the parents much more now, along with doing things i never thought i would ever do with my kids - i do now - haha - the thing about becoming a parent is its one of those annoying comments like 'you have absolutly no idea about it untill you actually live it/experience it. And I swear by that. The best ever highs and lows in my life!

And sometimes your judgments on parents change too. Like I have seen women admitting at babycenter how they used to be against kid leashes and judge people harshly for having their kids in one. Now after after one of their own, they had realized how hard it can be to control your child and not have them take off so a leash is needed. Now they judge the parents less harshly and instead sympathize with them because they figure what they are going through.

Another example is sometimes their judgments change when they have a special needs child or work with special needs. Pacifiers, people judge parents harshly when their older kid is still using one but then one day they get an autistic child and he tends to suck on things so a pacifier keeps him calm and prevents him from melting down in public. So now they judge parents less harshly if they see an older kid with a pacifier because they know know if their kid is special needs.

Sometimes an experience with a special needs child or having any kid of your own can sure change your views on other parents and their parenting choices because you now know where they may be coming from.

I used to be against co sleeping and thought it's a stupid thing parents do and how foolish they were being. Why? Because I had been told you could roll on your baby and kill them and also the fact the baby can die from SIDS because of the soft mattress and extra blankets and pillows. But when I had one of my own, my baby wouldn't sleep on his own and would only sleep when I had him on my chest or by me. So I ended up co sleeping or else I'd never get any sleep so I learn that is why parents co sleep so they can get some sleep, not being they are being stupid and can't let go of their baby and be separated from them, even by a few feet or in another room. But I had always made sure his face was facing up and that he can still breath and nothing was blocking his nose and mouth. Now he can sleep on his own through the night but sometimes he still sleeps with me because sometimes he doesn't stop crying or I nurse him and I fall asleep and I don't want him to wake up if I move him. I read on babycenter the Parents magazines are against it but not all doctors are against co sleeping. They say don't co sleep if you are sleep deprived or had a lot to drink (alcohol), or if it isn't your baby because your mind isn't as intuned to the child so you have a huge chance of rolling on them.

I also think it is wonderful that you are a preschool teacher. I so wish my boys had more male teachers in their lives.

As much as cleaning vomit and changing diapers and sleep deprivation make parenthood difficult, the first time your baby smiles or laughs or does any of the "first" things, or even if they don't do those things when you feel and smell your baby, all of that difficulty melts away into oblivion...at least for a moment. Try not to worry too much about whether or not you will be a "good" parent. Even if you read every book out there, it is just one of those things in life that you will only really figure out by doing it. And even the person who feels prepared will be thrown many curve balls!
What is it like having children? It is the most wonderful, awe-inspiring, gut-wrenching, tedious, enjoyable, boredom enducing (you get the picture...) thing a person can do. Don't be in too big of a hurry. You are young. As others have said, one of the best things you can provide children is a stable home environment so finding a SO to share your life with and nurturing your relationship with that person first is very important.