Crying

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This is new for us, lately when my son L is overwhelmed/upset instead of melting down in an angry out of control way like he used to, he cries. He sits there and weeps for ages and ages. It is heartbreaking to watch. He refuses any sort of comfort. It seems he just needs to sit there and cry. He is doing it right now. He found a scratch on one of his Lego pieces (very, very small scratch that no one else would even notice, but a big problem to him), and at first got agitated -raised voice, insisting we go on ebay and immediately replace it- but then dissolved into tears on the couch, and has been crying for over an hour. I feel so sorry for him.

I guess in a way this is progress though, crying is better than violence/shouting etc.

I also have crying type meltdowns, but they only last for 10 - 15 minutes. I've had them my whole life.

I'm a crier. Some time around 7th grade I came to the conclusion that I couldn't throw punches every time I got angry and that's when I started crying. That want to strike out and scream and shout and throw the mother of all fits is still there. The need to control it and not having any other outlet, I guess it comes out in tears.

Yes, preferable to hitting and melting down, but wow it can make a situation worse when someone misinterprets the reason for your tears. It never helps when someone mocks your tears when you're concentrating on the reasons you can't stomp them into a blood puddle.

I just want to say, I haven't thrown a punch in 19 years, but damn I've cried rivers.

This post reminds me of myself.

Where as my nineteen year old brother P Boy is the opposite and lashes out with anger.

And my younges brother, fourteen, J Bird does a mixture of crying and lashing out in anger.

My more or less NT daughter can cry for 5 hours straight, and off and on for days. With her I've wondered if she's bi-polar, but maybe it really is a form of melt-down, the AS side of her coming out (she's decided that "a few AS genes but not AS" is the most likely to fit her; she's is a pretty self-insightful 10 year old - except that she can't explain why sometimes she just needs to cry).

I guess the crying may be an evolution step off the violence, because she did go through a very violent period.

I still do this as an adult, though like CockneyRebel, mine don't go on for very long anymore. Its exceedingly embarrasing when it happens in public, as I have absolutely no control over it, and it often looks like I'm upset over something everyone else deems to be trivial. Usually after I'm done crying I get a bit more perspective on the situation, realise its not such a disaster, and move on.

Mine has these too. I prefer the crying to the anger because anger is always a secondary emotion. It's probably much more positive in the long run to feel the original feeling and let it run its course rather than transform it into something secondary.

I used to cry all the time and now I'm just a pissed off old lady who struggles to cry unless I'm TRULY overwhelmed. I don't think it's done me any favours.

I have to sometimes leave mine to cry it out, he asks me too. It's not easy to do.

This is very true. Maybe allowing himself just to feel sad shows that he is more in touch with his actual feelings.

Thanks to everyone who shared their own experiences. He ended up crying for about an hour and a half, and then was able to calm himself, although he felt really worn out and ill for quite some time afterwards. It was nice when he finally got to the point of allowing me to show him some kindness. I made him some tea, and we looked for possible replacements together on ebay.

His spring allergies are acting up, which is suddenly making all the sensory stuff very raw and all the anxiety and rigidity much worse for him. Poor little dude.

Poor little dude. Life is hard.

My kiddo started crying over everything...someone here recommended "How to Free Your Child from Anxiety" and after reading that I realized a lot of his tears are from being so anxious/worried and being very stressed. Working through the exercises from the book with him has really helped him gain perspective on why he feels the way he does, and what he can do to calm himself before things get there. He is almost 7 and he seems to really understand it.

I'd try to figure out the things that are triggering him and see if there is an opportunity to work on it before it gets bad. Poor kiddo

I think I was the one who recommended that book. It is a fantastic one! My son does indeed have high anxiety, and we work on it daily with him. Right now he feels so rotten that his threshold for stress is much lower than usual. The crying is just a brand new manifestation for him. Very sad to see him so sad. And we will definitely keep looking for those triggers and trying to reduce the stress/walk him through his coping strategies. Hopefully a very restful weekend helps too.

My soin is a rocker like me. if something is out of sorts we rock until we feel better. He only explodes when someone interrupts his rocking.

There's a whole thread on this in the General discussion page: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt151469.html

This used to be how I dealt with meltdowns (and still do, though I rarely have them now.) I also can't take in any comfort or information of any kind when I'm really in the middle of it, I just need to be alone until I can get it all out, and I usually feel much better afterwards (meaning, like, the next day - I also often feel sick right after.)

How on earth do Aspies survive in situations where they have to share space? I'm so grateful that I've always had my own room, and my son is able to have his own room.

Thanks for the link. It is interesting to me, because I am not a cryer when I am sad/frustrated. As a matter of fact I sometimes can't cry when I feel it would be a release. When I am overwhelmed/melting down I withdraw. I get quieter and quieter, until I sometimes feel like I am "locked in" and can't speak or move, except I may be rocking back & forth or shaking and not even realize it.

I do however cry when I am happy or excited. I can't help it, it all just comes spilling out and is sometimes quite embarrassing. My favourite things trigger tears. There is that rush of recognition and pleasure, and then I get all welled up. I have been reading some of my favourite books out loud to my sons, and have to keep stopping to get a grip on myself because I start crying at all my favourite parts!

My son woke up miserable today. He is still thinking about that lego piece. The last couple of days have really been showing me that we have some work to do on his perfectionism. It is causing him such grief right now.

>>hugs<< to your son. I can't tell you how many toys my son just can't play with anymore because something went "wrong" with them. (And, of course, he can't throw or give them away, either.) Sigh.

Well now that's embarrassing now, isn't it? *hidesunderrock*

Okay I'm back. I'm sure you guys will figure it out. It's heartbreaking to see them so upset