7 Year Old Son

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My husband recently diagnosed with Aspergers (albeit on the milder end of the spectrum). My son is aged 7 and his behaviour has been a problem since he was about age 3, although I am not sure he meets the ASD criteria. May more ADD.

I have always explained my son's behaviour as "eccentric". to give specific examples:

when he was 4 we travelled through Europe and when we were walking in public he pretending to be a robot. this was repeated over and over for weeks.

as a 3-4 year old he became obsessed with the word "chicken" and would repeat this over and over. This was particularly worse in public whereby he would yell it out over and over again. He would do this in theatres, school assemblys. places that would get attention from others.

he continues to have obsessions with certain words or actions although they change from month to month. At the moment he makes "Pow, Pow" sounds all day long which is extremely irritating and we have to keep telling him to stop doing it.

now at school he is considered by others as a class clown

teachers report his ability to "pay attention" is poor.

at the age of 7 he still throws tantrums like a 4 year old. prone to break things, swear, throw himself around and physically hit family members if he does not get his own way. he graphically threatens me and others in the family eg: threatens to smash me with a hammer. On the other hand, 2 hours later, he can be extremely loving and wanting to cuddle up with me under a blanket or offer to do some jobs around the house

he rocks back and forth in chairs and always has done since a baby. he used to head bang but has grown out of this

he still has problems with bed wetting

He does have friends and generally gets on well with his playmates. my son is musical and will sit and watch/listen to music videos for hours. he is physically active, not clumsy, but does walk on his toes (like his dad). he is a full on child, always moving even when he is just watching tv. he constantly needs reminding about using manners, calming down in certain places. I remember one of his childcare providers describing him "when he is in the room you always know he is there"

My father tells me my son needs a firm hand. I do implement discipline by removing priviliges, taking aways toys. but these forms of punishment do not make any difference to his ongoing behaviour. he acts very nonchalant about missing out on something that his sister gets. I am already a carer for my husband who also suffers depression and anxiety. I do not know if my son's problems are along the same lines or if he is just "acting out" as a result of the difficult family life he has been exposed to over the years with my husband's problems.

My biggest concerns are his attention problem at school and his violent and threatening tantrums. I worry he will completely go off the rails as a teenager.

He certainly sounds autistic, I think a diagnosis could be possible, it's those little things like rocking and walking on toes that give it away the most to me i think, and his tantrums sound like meltdowns.

Your father is incorrect, autistic kids respond poorly to a "firm hand" and it generally makes matters worse, autistic kids need understanding, low arousal environments, empathy and routine, a firm hand works poorly on typical kids, but autistic kids have an adverse reaction since they generally don't fully understand what it means.

I would encourage you to seek an assessment with a REPUTABLE clinician. In the meantime, I would stop punitive discipline and talk with him about implementing a reward based motivational system. I wouldn't worry too much about the graphic threats, I have found with my son that they are his literal way of expressing how he feels based on what he's seen in the media. So if he sees that a character on a cartoon or movie smashes something with a hammer when they are enraged, those are the words he will use. And it could be from a scene he say years ago so you don't have any recollection of it.

Advice to use a firm hand is the WORST POSSIBLE ADVICE for ANY child, let alone one on the spectrum if that's the case for your son.

thanks. that is really helpful and I agree with your comments. my father can be very narrow thinking and i really don't think he "gets it". you are probably right about my son just verbalising what he has seen in terms of violent behaviour. Deep down I don't really think he is going to take a hammer or an axe to me or anyone else in the family. I just find it disturbing that he thinks this way. I am waiting on an assessment from our Child and Mental Health Services Clinic

Hi

I agree, he sounds like he is on the spectrum for sure.
You have to be very careful with a ADHD diagnosis. If he truly has AS and they missdiagnose it as ADHD your son wont get the help he needs.
Our son was first diagnosed with ADHD and as his mother I knew deep down inside something else wasn't right. I truly believe in my heart that ADHD is a symptom of SOMETHING and not a true condition on its own. If you took away the sensory issues, the loud classrooms and making them sit for long periods of time which is hard for any child my son would have no ADHD symptoms.
Go with your gut, it is usualy right.

I agree.

To be honest, In cases not related to autism spectrum, I think it's often a symptom of excessive intake of sugar or other carbohydrates.