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Hi Everyone,
My name is Katherine, my husband is Steve and we have an 8 year old son, Chris who was diagnosed through the school system with AS almost 2 years ago. He has an IEP and is receiving special ed at school and we are currently trying to pull teeth at our regional center and get some help/counseling from them. I have always "known" that there was something different about Chris. As a baby he was content to be on his own and would not make eye contact with me and I had to work hard to get him to smile at me. I worked very hard to establish a "bond", but I thought this was my fault because he was my first child. Chris has a sister (almost 4) and a brother (2) and with them things were totally different. I can remember feeling shocked when the pyschologist was asking me these types of things during Chris' evaluation. Chris can be very loving and I feel that he has a good soul. It scares me when he gets aggressive with his siblings and being an only child I have a hard time defining what is rivalry and what is impulse control issues with him. He has problems with writing and cannot yet tie his own shoes (thank God for velcro!). He loves to read, is good at math but sometimes cannot seem to apply himself. He is OBSESSED with Star Wars and was around Christmas time was convinced that Qui-Gonn was going to land a space ship near our yard and take him off to the jedi academy. He believed it so very strongly that it would not have surprised me to find a space ship land in the yard! Over time we were able to convince him that Star Wars is fictional but that he can pretened to be whoever he wants. He is also interested in the pirates action figures and we are relieved that he is branching out! He typically sleeps with many assorted action figures and books.

I think we are here to get ideas from other parents on how you all deal with issues that arise as it is very clear to me that things need to be framed differently for Chris. A lot of the time I feel very overwhelmed with having to deal with Chris one way and the two younger ones a different way.

Katherine

Star Wars is fiction? I had some crazy idea like your son had when I was age 12.
I thought a girl would magicaly appear in the woods oneday. But when you think about it its no crazier than religion.
I'm not a parent but if I ever see something I can answer I try to. I'm not sure
how it should be done but the most important thing your son needs is social skills
training. If I had a kid and I thought he had asperger I would forget every other
subject and have him focus on social skills alone. Teaching eye contact, body language, speech, etc . Social skills problems is going to be the number one problem
your son will face later in life. It will be hard to impossible to learn social skills later
in life but old people learn how to read , write and do math in their 70's.

Hi! You mention your son has an IEP and is receiving special ed services at school. Is he getting pull outs for things like social skills class, speech therapy (for pragmatics), etc; or is he in a separate class from his peers altogether?

For our son the reality issue was dinosaurs, he was he!! bent on finding a way to get dinosaur dna so he could set up his own lab and clone it to hatch his own "pet" dinosaurs. (He assured us he knew which ones were friendly). He was 7 at the time, and we had no dx back then. Now he's almost 12 and while he has that typical naivete of believing all he's told, he can tell generally most reality from fiction.

We have a younger daughter, and there are times our son's behavior impacts negatively on her day. It happens in all families. We have a schedule, to help keep everyone on an even keel, and at just 7, she knows if it isn't on the schedule, it isn't happening! We also make sure each kid gets alone time with a parent, to feel special and not be tied to the needs of their sib. It has made a big difference.

Our son also has a dx of dysgraphia, which is the handwriting issue. By 3-4th grade most kids are using an alphasmart. Our son just learned to tie his shoes last fall, he was almost 11. That's fairly typical for a child with AS. Some get it right away, but many are older.

welcome! if you have any specific questions, go for it....
we have a son, age 14, who was dx'd last year...a daughter who is going for eval tomorrow..and a hubby who was dx'd at the same time as son...life is never boring...

Good Morning!

TheMachine1- Yep... sorry... so far as I can tell Star Wars is fiction. I know, bummer! Thank you for your suggestion about the social skills. I can see what you mean about it being important and I am currently promoting a friendship with another boy Chris' age who has some AS traits. They seem to enjoy their time playing together and get along great unless video games are involved so I have learned to steer them away from that.

AspiesMom1- Chris is in an integrated class and he is pulled out for speech & social skills as well as help with math in the resource room (he knows the math, he just will not focus long enough to read and do the problem properly). He has adaptive PE and was receiving OT for his handwriting. What is an alphasmart? I have already been told that they will not be forcing him to learn cursive (is that what they call it these days?!?) but that he will have to learn to read it. Sounds fair. hehe... I guess we got off easy. I would not have wanted dino's being hatched in my house. We are looking for more constructive ways to deal with Chris so that he feels he is able to meet the expectations (ours or societal). Steve found a chore chart idea about rating for the job completed as well as the attitude. Things like this we can also use for our other two. I can relate to spending individual time with each of the kids. In our home I think the baby gets the least 1-1 time. Parenting... always a struggle for balance no matter the situation.

Ster- Wow! It sounds like you have your hands full and then some. It is very kind of you to offer to help me with questions. We are sending some sunshine and smiles your way!!

Katherine

An alphasmart is basically a virtually indestructible keyboard with a small screen for the kidoes to use instead of handwriting. It really helps as they get into the upper grades where it gets more writing intensive.

The hard thing about raising kids is what works with child A may totally backfire with child B, even from the same genetic pool! For our son we found that keeping to a schedule, lots of advance notice of changes, and doing what's necessary, however off the wall others find it, keeps everyone happy and his day running smoothly.

Since kindie, my son has taken his bath/shower at night, gotten completely dressed and gone to bed. He then only has to deal with shoes (velcro!) and grabbing his backpack in the morning. Anything less and he'd never see the inside of the school building! He's starting 6th grade next week, and he's still doing it. (A buzz cut helps!). He hates tags, and only wears "worn" clothes.

This week, he put ground pepper on his mashed potatoes. For other people, I sound crazy. But to us, this was a HUGE step. No one even suggested it, he just decided to try it. And he is Mr. It's Tuesday we're having pork chops, so any food change is a big change.

You do what works. And keep in mind that sometimes, he's just being a kid.

I think thats a good idea I spent way too much time by myself playing lego's.
But some expert showed autisic spectrum kids playing lego in groups learn social skills. Yeah TV/computer kinda stops social communication.
On handwriting I could print fine but cursive was very bad. That caused many problems. I started printing again in High School by my earily 20's I could write in
cursive fine. So if your son has real problems with cursive handwriting tell the
school he will be printing and if they do not like it you will seek legal help. Or call
me and I will break some legs.

Welcome Katherine! I can relate in a lot of ways to your post. Our little guy is 7, and was finally dx 3 mos ago. He shares a lot of the same traits as Chris and we're currently trying to deal with the meltdowns that turn into rages. Thankfully the rages are becoming further and farther between as we help him learn more coping skills that make sense to him.

Since he was my first and we had no one/nothing to compare him to, I was shocked when we had his sister (who is 15 mos) and how "easy" she seemed when compared to him.

ourchris~ thanks for the smiles & sunshine...bad tantrum at store last night by daughter~i just don't remember son being like this...guess it was too long ago