Son with Rage issues
Our son is 7 (he has been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome) and lately he has been getting angry over the seemingly smallest things.
For example we were going to take a family walk down to check out the neighborhood chicken coop, something our son usually doesn't mind. This ended with him screaming at me, making threats,hitting me, calling me an idiot. He goes on for about 20 minutes then he is quiet and appologizes.
When he does this we do time outs, and we have come up with a rule that anytime he hits he looses his computer,and electronics (his obsession) privlages for the rest of the day.
Its always some tiny thing that sets him off. Sometimes its absolutly nothing. He will go from being happy and having fun, to screaming at us.
My wife and I have always wanted to avoid meds but we need to do something. We are thinking of making an appointment with the Dr who made the diagnosis.
Any Ideas that we could try?
It may seem that "nothing" is setting him off, but in his mind, it is something. I would just start looking for signs and talk to him to try and get to the bottom of the things that are triggering his outbursts. My son is almost 6, and he sometimes does similar things. If I really pay close attention, and try to get into his head and way of thinking, sometimes I can reason with him a little better. He probably has in his mind a set way that things should be or go, and if there is any deviation from this, it will upset him. Also, if you know something is coming up or something in his world is going to change, then giving him warnings and preparing him for these things will help as well.
Hopefully, other parents with more experience will have other things to suggest. Good luck!
I don't recommend taking away his computer time, etc., if that's what makes him happy. He has to navigate through a whole lot of things that are easy for most of us and taking away something that makes him feel good or relaxes him is just more punishment for the hardship he is already enduring.
There is definitely some sort of a trigger for what he's going through...it could be residual stress from something built over time and lots of compensation that he's doing and eventually, it catches up with him. It could also be sensory or diet related.
How about setting up a chart system where for every day that he doesn't hit, he earns extra computer time or extra stars and x amount of stars my earn him a toy or whatever he's into. Try to give him choices too. So, if you're going out, ask him if he'd rather listen to an iPod or not....in case it's auditory overstimulation.....or see if maybe he needs sunglasses, etc. For instance, today, I went to the mall with my boys after going to a restaurant. My son has always had a tough time at the mall and it was great because I was able to give him an option of staying in the car with his dad, rather than going in to buy shoes with his brother. However, if we HAD to go with him and we couldn't avoid it, I'd bring him headphones to listen to music or I'd bring a book for him to read while we try shoes on for his brother. The point is that he has a choice...not always possible, but very much worth the effort. As you pay attention to what sets him off, try to see if you can catch a pattern. At his age, it's not always easy to spot, but you'll find more and more clues.
I highly recommend reading an ebook (free) by Tracker, a man with AS who explains SO WELL what it's like and what we can do as parents. I haven't been able to finish it yet, but already, I'm understanding my son so much better and this has been a great help. The website is: www.asdstuff.com and you can download it.
I think meds are sometimes necessary, but I would really exhaust all other possibilities first. Try to decrease as many stressors as possible and remember, what may be pleasant for you, may be very stressful for your son.
My son has rage issues too and we're still working on it, so you're not alone.
For example we were going to take a family walk down to check out the neighborhood chicken coop, something our son usually doesn't mind. This ended with him screaming at me, making threats,hitting me, calling me an idiot. He goes on for about 20 minutes then he is quiet and appologizes.
When he does this we do time outs, and we have come up with a rule that anytime he hits he looses his computer,and electronics (his obsession) privlages for the rest of the day.
Its always some tiny thing that sets him off. Sometimes its absolutly nothing. He will go from being happy and having fun, to screaming at us.
My wife and I have always wanted to avoid meds but we need to do something. We are thinking of making an appointment with the Dr who made the diagnosis.
Any Ideas that we could try?
I have rage issues myself. Your son is learning a behavior that is bad. He is learning to stuff his emotions down inside of him. I believe he needs rage management and he needs to learn to be assertive and express himself in a calm manner.
I would start by focusing on the triggers. What seems like nothing to you is probably a final straw on an overly loaded camel, and your son is going to have to learn to identify - with your help - every small step that leads to the eventual loss of control. You have to remember that daily life is stressful for AS kids in a way that we cannot understand, and often our kids have been brought to an emotional breaking point without our even realizing it. The trick to averting the rages is to complete the detective work that will allow you to see the build up, and then teach your son to see it. Once you see the process, you can work on mitigation techniques and, eventually, transferring responsibility for implementing those techniques to the child. It will take, most likely, years. This process was CRUCIAL for my AS son and many kids on this board; it's no easy thing, but very important. Remember that your son does not want to lose control any more than you want him to, but most likely finds himself completely powerless to stop it. He doesn't understand, either, why things the world tells him are little can flip him out. If he is constantly disciplined without being given the tools to deal with the underlying issues more appropriately, he will grow increasingly disillusioned and frustrated.
One of our members wrote a book for parents about what we need to know about life from inside our kids heads. It is free for download at ASDStuff.com
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,869
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
Don't take away his computer unless you want a big fallout between the two of you. I also reccomend that you ask him what it is that makes him so angry. He isn't getting angry for no apparent reason, like the experts say that autistic people do.
_________________
The Family Enigma
I think some people with AS can identify the why and some, at least my son, cannot. My poor guy will just say he doesn't feel good. That is truly all he knows how to identify. We believe it's anxiety and stress, as we work on those stressors, he rages less and less.
To the OP - What we did was calendar every rage, write down what was happening at the time (that is unrelated to the rage). IE - time of day, who was around, food intake, My guy doesn't complain about specific things, but we figured out that once we changed these things....he got better.
An example would be sensory - he doesn't mind loud places, doesn't put his hads over his ears or complain. However, if he has been in a loud place too long, or even has left from a loud place and then another stressor occurs (maybe a kid isn't nice)- whamo, rage.
I think some people with AS can identify the why and some, at least my son, cannot. My poor guy will just say he doesn't feel good. That is truly all he knows how to identify. We believe it's anxiety and stress, as we work on those stressors, he rages less and less.
To the OP - What we did was calendar every rage, write down what was happening at the time (that is unrelated to the rage). IE - time of day, who was around, food intake, My guy doesn't complain about specific things, but we figured out that once we changed these things....he got better.
An example would be sensory - he doesn't mind loud places, doesn't put his hads over his ears or complain. However, if he has been in a loud place too long, or even has left from a loud place and then another stressor occurs (maybe a kid isn't nice)- whamo, rage.
Thanks for sharing this. We've been dealing with increasing numbers of incidents lately and I know from reading here that I have to be on the lookout for what leads up to them in order to diffuse them. The last two incidents from what I recollect have been after outings to public places (museum and mall). With one of them, it never got off the ground so to speak. He just started saying crazy and mean things when I asked an innocent question about how he liked his trip). I warned his father that he may start acting up.
I noticed that the 'trigger' (if you can call it that) was something that normally wouldn't warrant the extreme reaction in other situations.
I think I will start to keep a diary.
Thanks for all the replies. I wish I knew what the trigger was. I can't seem to figure it out. The other part is that this is just not like him. He was never violent. He would get worked up about stuff,but we could usually figure out what the root cause was. This one just has a baffled.
Keeping a daily journal of his activities is a good idea.
Keeping a daily journal of his activities is a good idea.
I can definitely sympathize. Ds was steaming mad about something that had nothing to do with dd. His eleven year old sister was coming up the steps and he thought she was coming into his room. He punched her in the mouth and made her cry. At first I didn't believe it as he's half her size, but he is totally capable of taking her on in that state.
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