looking for opinions on discipline changes...

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Okay.. my girl follows the rules to a letter and IMO really tries to not be in trouble.. not have others mad at her etc. This has always been very important to her. So, after looking more into aspergers and reading a good bit of parenting your aspergers child I really feel that her 'misbehavior' is beyond her control. I simply have a hard time rationalizing that a child who spends so much effort in doing what is right and following the rules would 'choose' to get in trouble continually in one area. So I'm thinking problem area

She gets in trouble for arguing and being rude and disrespectful.. yelling, slamming things around and just having a horrible attitude at times. I think this behavior is just frustration and over stimulation that she doesn't know how to handle.

I'm telling everyone (her caregiver and tonight her dad.. LOL) That until further notice there is to be no system of rewards, consequences or punishments for behavior issues. I want that just off the table. It hasn't worked and I think it just adds to her stress.

Changes we have made at her caregivers this week that are working are

- giving very specific instructions with little to no explanation unless she asks. Keeping it short and to the point.

- at the first sign of irritation, huffy attitude, stomping, etc she is immediately removed from the situation and there is no interacting with her until she has had a few minutes to compose herself outside of the situation. At home I give her a choice of her room or outside. At her caregivers she was told her behavior was inappropriate and she has to go run around the house twice and sit on the porch for 5 min. They discussed the behavior with a white board when she came in. This worked well.

I think that consequences and punishment are only adding to her frustration and rewards seem to cause her to put a lot of pressure on herself and leads to more anxiety which makes her behavior worse in the long run.

So do you think I'm on the right track or am I just crazy to tell them no consequences or rewards for behavior. Just deal with the behavior calmly and move on!! How can we teach her to move on from negative events if we aren't doing the same?? I don't know.. I may be crazy.. but I think she is getting punished at times for things she cant control and that is unfair. I also don't feel at this time that we know enough of what works, doesn't work, or what she can manage to decide if she could have done better or not. So to err on her side at all times I'm thinking of ditching the whole damned system for the time being.

Just correction, time out, and encouragement/acknowledgement when she does it right. I want her stress reduced as soon as possible.

Crazy? or Good plan..

I could have written this post! I think it's fine. The only difference I have is when my DS just doesn't like doing something but I want him to do it - I like giving rewards for this.

He really does try to comply with rules, and the reward / consequences model causes meltdowns. I am fighting the school right now to understand how punishing him helps develop coping skills.

Squirrel flight, I have the same problem and I'm not sure my answer will help, but I think your idea might be a good one to try. My daughter doesn't seem to respond at all rationally to rewards and punishments when it comes to her tantrums. She is becoming mean, almost cruel to her 4 year old sister, of whom she is very jealous. She's hitting and kicking things. Last night, even though it was completely distracting her brother I let her jump on his bed to her heart's content and didn't tell her to jump in another room. It worked and she calmed down and was pretty nice to everyone. I don't know what your daughter's favorite stims are, but maybe you could just go with your plan for a week and try to facilitate her stims a little bit. Maybe it could break the cycle for a bit?....or, I suppose it could teach her that bad behavior is OK and she can use it to get what she wants

squirrelflight-77, I think you are on exactly the right track.

It sounds like what you are doing could be summed up as redirecting her before she escalates and I think it is a very good solution. I think sometimes people find it hard to identify those early wanring signs which you seem to have a good handle on thus making this strategy easier to apply.

Thanks all.. just trying to phyche myself up... LOL Needed the reinforcement that this IS the best thing to do right now. As I know its hard to be told that you are not supposed to punish the child who just yelled and slammed the book down while calling you stupid. She just needs a good old time out!!