I am so frustrated

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My son who is 3 years and 5 months old is undergoing assesments for Aspergers and ADHD... He doesnt tick all the boxes for both but me and my partner have always known there is something quirky about him

He goes to Nursery 2.5 days a week, and they have only ever shown one or two concerns with us.... 1st being his impulsive pushing and 2nd being very distressed by babies and other children crying..
So the Educational psycologist went to watch him at nursery yesterday, and met with us afterwards... she said she wasnt concerned with anything (she was only there an hour) she said he is a pleasant little boy with great eye contact, a great memory and very intellegent!! Yes we know all that as he is our son and he is the most pleasant gorgeous little boy ever in our eyes!!.... but that isnt what we are concerned about. Apparenty all the things we are concerned about he never shows at nursery!! ! So he is like a little Jekyll and Hyde?? it is just so frustrating!!

Has anyone else had any experiences like this?

many thanks

Hi. I am a relative newbie, but I am sure some of the more experienced people will chime in.

My understanding from my lurking here and from written sources is that it is not uncommon for Aspie symptoms to not show up in school diagnosis until 7 or 8 or so, when social demands are higher.

My son is labeled autistic but he is HFA and probably closer in skill profiles to how Dr. Tony Attwood defines Aspergers, although severely so. He is severely affected in his social behaviors so he was easily diagnosed at 4.

If your son is not that noticeably different from the others they are not going to be so quick to label him.

Also home behavior tends to be different because they feel more comfortable in being themselves at home. He may be saving a lot of his stimming (or whatever is raising a red flag for you) for home.

Impulsive pushing is probably normal (though distressing to them) for reasonably social children his age, and the being distressed with children crying may read to them as immature as opposed to overly sensitive to emotion or sensory.

What does he do at home that rings a bell for you as being atypical? The others can give better advice with more information.

My now 6yo son was observed in his SPECIAL ED preschool 2 different times by 2 different psychologists AND a social worker, and none of them had any concerns. Even though I had concerns. They reassured me over and over that he was just fine...actually he was the most typical kid in the class I was told. Meanwhile he has Aspergers. But they didnt live with my son, they just observed him in the class that was very predictable, routine and he was able to follow what the teachers expected him to do.

My son ALWAYS made great eye contact, he was ALWAYS very freindly, sweet, social (with adults extremely social) and his memory is of the charts.

EXACTLY how my son was...Jeckyl and Hyde. That is typical for Aspergers. They are able to hold it together in one setting then lose it in another.

What are your concerns?

Thank you for all your replies, we have had our concerns for over a year now, I think as a parent you just know your child so you know if something is a bit different.

Our main concerns are....
DS has no regard. For his own safety and has no sense of danger at all.... He is very impulsive just grabs and snatches things all the time, throws things jumps, kicks and climbs... Haha which I suppose describes most typical boys but not to the extreme our DS is, he actuall pushed a little girl down the stairs with no reaction what so ever.

Constant talking, I really do mean constant as well, asking questions all day long but will ask things over and over till he gets the answer he wants. He also gets very lost in conversation like he knows what to say he just can't get it out.

He gets in other kids faces a lot saying 'are you my friend' constantly and things like 'are we playing' over and over and I think they get a bit fed up of him which can upset me.

He can be very obsessive over things like he has to match certain toys to what he is wearing and the bowls he eats from have to match a colour he is wearing etc.... He usually fills his little lunch box full of hand picked toys that match something even if we are just nipping to the shop he has to take it with him.
He also likes to sit in certain places at home and freaks outif anyone else sits there.

He thrives off routine which I know a lot of children do, but he will get very distressed if we don't warn him of something happening that's not of the norm for that day etc.

I feel like he is very sensitive to some sounds, I think that's why he gets very anxious round babies as he knows they can cry... Loud. He hates the the windscreen wipers etc too and clenches his fists as he crys....

He can be very hyperactive but not all the time as he sleeps great on a night time, but he cannot sit still to eat dinner and gets up from the table constantly.. So sometimes it's quite hard to contain him.

There are other little things that I think are just quite quirky, but all in all I wouldn't change him for the world...


Many thanks again for your replies

You just described issues with social communication, emotional responses and repetative behaviors. Those are hallmark signs of ASD.

Stick with your mommy gut...I was told over and over how wonderufl my son was, how sweet, how calm, how he followed directions,etc...those people didnt see him in the real world where he had many many issues.
it took me a long time to figure him out but we finally got the Aspergers diagnosis and it fits him well.

good luck!

It can be difficult to diagnose ASD in a higher functioning child your son's age, but as he gets older the differences will start to become more apparent. My son was diagnosed when he was 7, and I honestly believe it would have been near impossible to pick it out with certainty much earlier.

If your gut tells you he is ASD, continue to do your reading and work with him on the assumption he is, and look into evaluation again when he is a little older.

Meanwhile, recognize that your child will benefit immensely from YOU having been so observant, and let him live life with mommy conforming his world to him best she can, just for a little while longer - isn't that what all preschoolers should have?

Thanks everyone,
The educational psychologist is coming to see him at home in march so hopefully she will pick up on more things then, if not I'm going to just keep observing him myself and it will just be a waiting game.

I will chime in with what I always say here: ask to have his speech assessed. This was never suggested by our school or the many therapists we saw before the "right" one. The social communication problems you are describing can be part of a deficit in "pragmatic speech," or the social aspect of communication. Even if your psych consult comes up goose-egg, a speech therapist might be able to see the communication breakdown - and can offer appropriate therapy (most schools offer this, but they don't tell you about it if you don't know.)

If they aren't disabling now, I don't think the rigidity, impulsivity and sensory stuff will get worse unless your son becomes extremely anxious. In our experience, nothing exacerbates anxiety like an inability to communicate with peers - so if you need to choose what to fight for, I'd pick intervention for communication deficits. (With our son, whose deficits weren't caught until he was 9 although like you we knew there was something, but once we got social skills classes and pragmatic speech therapy, they led to more flexibility, better self-control and even - and this one surprised me - better management of sensory overload.)