Eating

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My wife and I just found out our 7 yr old son has Aspergers. We are still trying to learn as much as we can as fast as we can. One of the problems we have is with his eating. He stops eating because he isn't "sure if he has eaten enough." The therapist he is seeing said to make a Tummy Meter so he could show us how full he is. This worked for a bit, but now he is back to either trying to eat too much or eat too little. Anyone else have this problem?

I haven't run into this problem, but maybe if you reflect back on the portion sizes that he was consuming before, you can kind of gauge the amount he consumes now. (?)
Feeding issues are pretty common( my son has the ever fabulous gag reflex), so maybe someone else here will have a better strategy for you than mine.

Welcome to WP!!

The reason for your son's problem is that he is not or insufficiently aware of his own appetite. Maybe it would help if you asked him a couple of times each day in different situations (before dinner, during a meal, after he's eaten, while he's watching TV, while he's playing a game, reading a book, etc. etc.) whether he's hungry. He'd probably have difficulty answering that question at first, but the more often you'd ask it, the more aware he'd become of his own hunger and the degree of it. Don't ask this question too often, though, that would just be annoying. Maybe two or three times a day, casually.

Thanks Willem! That is a good idea. It might also help him with the trouble he has answering questions in general. I guess it is part of Aspergers, but he has the hardest time answering any question or making decisions. Often times, he falls back on "I will if you want me to" or "whatever you want the answer to be" We really noticed it this Christmas when we took him Christmas shopping. It is something else we are working on. Like I said, we have just started this journey. We noticed more and more of his ticks (for lack of a better word) as he started first grade. It took the better part of the school year to get him diagnosed, and to now be seeing a therapist. My wife and I are trying to get as much information as we can, but it seems like such a slow process. I thought joining a forum like this might be good for us because it puts us in touch with other parents facing the same thing.

Bauhauswife, my 12 yr old has a gag reflex like that. Dinner time as always been an adventure for us where he is concerned. He is also a picky eater which makes it interesting. We also have a 1 yr old daughter, but she will eat anything not nailed down.

This is a bit off topic but as for making decisions, we limit it to 2 choices as much as possible. Our son just turned 5 so he is a little younger than yours, maybe you could increase that to 3 if he seems up to it.
On the appetite question, I too like Willem's idea. Help him to mentally focus on how his body is feeling and the more he does it the more likely he is to become aware of what the sensations in his body mean. On the other hand, there really are neurological conditions that prevent people from being able to feel when they are full. Hopefully that's not the case here.

We have been cutting down on the portion sizes and what all is on the plate. He has to eat off a green plate and it only has space for about three things - main dish and two side dishes. He also gets really hyper around time to eat, but I think that is just being a seven-year-old. Sometimes it seems like the therapist says "That's probably the Aspergers" for about every thing. He hurt his toe. "Oh that's the Asperger's", but we know the decision thing is Asperger's. Do you want X or Y, and his reply is always "I will have which one you want me to have." Are you full (which the therapist said to quit using that word)? "I am if you want me to be." I just wasn't sure if eating issues are common. I have seen in several books where picky eating is common, but haven't really seen where the "full" issue is. He will eat just about anything, just seems to not be able to tell when he has eaten enough on his own. The tummy meter works sometime, but now he is having the same trouble at school during lunch. His teacher said he had a meltdown the other day because lunch was over, and he didn't think he had eaten enough. Like I said, we are still very much in the learning process of all of this. Finding this forum last night was incredible because my wife and I don't know any other couples with Asperger or Autism children. It nice to have a sounding board and no you aren't alone.

At the risk of committing a bit of armchair psychoanalysis, it sounds more like he has anxiety about meeting some perceived expectation in regards to eating "enough". Is it possible to convince him that once he has eaten the portions that are put on his plate then it is enough? He doesn't necessarily need to be able to feel the "full" sensation to just acknowledge that once the servings on his plate are gone, he's done.

And welcome to WP you will find some good info here!

Right, that is part of it, but at the same time he has to understand that leaving some on his plate is still ok too. He does have anxiety as well as Aspergers. He was first diagnosed with just Anxiety Disorder, but he had other issues that lead into Aspergers. The bigger problem isn't just the eating, but the inability to make a decision - in this case if he has eaten enough or not. It is my understanding the Anxiety can be part of Aspergers and also be in addition to Aspergers. It just seems like it falls under such a large web of this is part of Aspergers. It also seems like he doesn't hear what we say. We say "That's ok you don't have to eat it all just until your not hungry," and he processes it as "Eat it all or you are in big trouble." He still has to go for some kind of occupational therapy evaluation where they are going to see if he has sensory issues and even some kind of hearing issue. Like I said, we are a bit in the dark with all of this and just kind of going along with what the "professionals" suggest. There have been a couple of things the therapist has suggested that I thought were the silliest thing I have ever heard, but wow they did the trick almost right away.

Based on what I'm reading, I would suggest simplifying the process. AS kids tend to be logic and rules based, and it sounds like he is struggling with this wishy washy gray subject of "eat until you are full." It sounds like he would like to KNOW how much to eat, and be done with it. In which case, sitting down and calculating how many calories he needs (let him be part of the process), and putting that much food on his plate, will answer the question for him.

An alternative theory is that he is afraid of being hungry, and afraid of over eating, but that wouldn't explain his need for direction in other areas of life, as well. Still, it is possible he has a real fear in this area (I know I am afraid of being hungry), in which case taking the pressure off by allowing food any time he is hungry would be the answer, the way to take that pressure off. He wouldn't have to feel he's eaten "enough" at this meal, because if he's hungry in 30 minutes, more food is available. My younger child is a natural graze eater and trying to fit her needs into a regimented dining schedule is challenging. But, you would need an accommodation at school for that "eat anytime" rule, but if this theory works out, then I think it would be necessary for him to re-align and re-learn.

Overall, don't be afraid to break apart situations after they happen, and try to find out exactly what your child was thinking and why he was thinking it. You may hear things that make no sense to you, but are very real to him ... listen, take it seriously, and get creative about what to do about it. AS requires a very different way of parenting. It's OK to be weird! All that matters is for it to work for your unique child.

Don't forget to check out the book written by one of our members, free for download at ASDStuff.com

Good luck and welcome!

DW, thanks for the tip, and I had actually tried something like that at dinner time a few hours ago. It seemed to work a lot better than the sitting down to a formal dinner. We all just kind of took it easy, ate pizza and did our own thing. He seemed to not stress about whether he was full and actually asked for more because he was still hungry! I know his teacher at school lets him eat more of his lunch during a class break if he doesn't finish it at lunchtime.
Also thanks for the tip on breaking apart situations after they happen. We are still new to this and my wife and I are scared of having a landmine in his development go off because we did something wrong in the early goings.

There's already a lot of good advice on the eating issue, so I won't add to that. However, I will say something on the question of choices.

As an aspie, I find it fairly stressful to make choices. I have to understand the available choices, then evaluate all the available evidence to figure out which is the best one. Since the correct choice is rarely obvious, there's stress associated with uncertainty, stress associated with not having complete information, stress about how other people will feel about the decision, and then sometimes after making a decision, it turns out the preferred choice is not available after all, which is a huge amount of stress.

I think that's why he prefers to have you make the choice. I'd recommend just picking your preferred choice if he doesn't care enough about a particular question to make a choice. It will be quicker and you'll help preserve his sanity.

Do make sure you don't ask the question until you're sure all the choices are acceptable to you. Even an occasional "oops, we can't do that after all" when he does make a choice will likely be a real turnoff for him.