"25 Manners Every Kid Should Know By Age 9"

Post Reply New Topic

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parentin ... 9-2480238/

What do you think about these? Not just for kids, but for adults too.

I know plenty of adults that haven't even mastered half of that list.

My kidling is still working on some of those but, for the most part, she is quite polite.

I have issues with this though:

Manner #8
When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.

In my experience, people are not looking for a truthful answer to this question if the answer is negative. One of my many pet peeves with the concept of 'social lying' - white wash the negative and unpleasant and force interest and a smile even when you want to do the exact opposite. It is all a form of a lie that I think AS kids recognise and have a difficult time rationalizing because the concept is inherently illogical. Instead of teaching kids 'lying is bad', perhaps they would be better served if the different variations of lies and how and when they are acceptable, taught right from the start would make this difficult social concept easier to grasp.

Manner #13
Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.

if only

Manner #16
Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.

Not in a million years good sir

Some of these rules seem very paternalistic in nature, used to make the individual conform and remain complacent within his or her community. Some of the others need clarification.

Manner #6
The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.

What if somebody does something that I find offensive? Do I not have the right to voice my transgressions? What if some of the things everybody else likes are bad for them? Shouldn't we be allowed to debate these things?

Manner #7
Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.

What if the guy's got a really ugly mole that you never noticed before, and it turns out to be a melanoma? If you don't get him to check that out, he could die.

Manner #13
Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.

But I can still use foul language around children, right?

Manner #14
Don't call people mean names.

Why's it okay for celebrities to name their kids Apple, or Audio Science?

Manner #16
Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.

Why should I have to waste a couple hours of my life on something I don't have to? And what if I don't know any of the people involved with said play/assembly? You know who also forces people to sit through live performances against their will? Kim Jong Il, that's who.

Manner #20
If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say "yes," do so -- you may learn something new.

What if I don't have the time for it? And do I have to this every single time I see someone working on something? And what if the thing they're working on is illegal?

Manner #21
When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.

What if they ask to sexually molest me? No means no.

Manner #25
Don't reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

What if the other person doesn't have any arms?

omg.. snarkKnight.. I think you and my girl may be related lol.. this is so how she responds to everything.. I can totally see this one flying my way.. hahaaa

Manner #25
Don't reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

What if the other person doesn't have any arms?

@snarkknight - Thank you for that eloquent demonstration of exactly why aspies have so many issues with social rules. It call comes down to pure logic.

I dislike manners 3, 6, 13 (I mean think about it) and 21.

3 because I think it belittles the child and causes a negative self viewpoint for a child.

6 because it denies a child a right to say "I don't like..." and everyone has a right to say what they dislike (and like) within reason (and respectfully). Saying "I don't like..." excessively (when it has understood and noted) is a different thing.

13 because why should children speak differently than they have observed others speak. My parents only swore when they were in pain (physical or emotional) and thus I learned what it meant in context. If a person wants for their child not to swear, they shouldn't do it.

21 why should anyone have to just smile especially when the have to do something they dislike?

I think this list could be much better, also I'm wondering about where is the one regarding mutual respect?

I think this list was created in the era of "children should be seen and not heard" and doesn't necessarily apply socially to children as we relate to them today. It's an interesting study in how pragmatic speech is cultural and changes constantly - I'd bet these rules are not much more than 60 years old.

However, it's an interesting starting point for those of us who have rules-bound children. I think I'm going to take this list and re-write it a bit, and then give it to my son as a point of discussion. For a child who struggles with social rules, being a bit over-polite and pedantic is better than being outright rude while intending to be polite.

Snark, I'm not sure if you meant any of that tongue in check, because I read the quotes and think pretty quickly, "but that's not what they meant! My attempts to clarify are in bold.

Some of these rules seem very paternalistic in nature, used to mOake the individual conform and remain complacent within his or her community. Some of the others need clarification.

Manner #6
The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.

What if somebody does something that I find offensive? Do I not have the right to voice my transgressions? What if some of the things everybody else likes are bad for them? Shouldn't we be allowed to debate these things?

This rule is about dislike, not offense. That habit kids have of announcing their opinions on everything, including the contents of another child's lunch box. Actual harm can come from announcing you don't like carrots to a child who wants to fit in with you; now he'll hesitate to eat them and will be hungry. And, no, you shouldn't remind a stranger that ice cream, for example, isn't healthy. They already know that and should be allowed to enjoy their indulgence in peace.

Manner #7
Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.

What if the guy's got a really ugly mole that you never noticed before, and it turns out to be a melanoma? If you don't get him to check that out, he could die.

The proper way to point that out wouldn't be by saying what an ugly mole. You would tell your friend that you've noticed a mole you think he should have a doctor look at.

Manner #13
Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.

But I can still use foul language around children, right?

Only if you are also a child and that is your social norm. The list was written for kids.

Manner #14
Don't call people mean names.

Why's it okay for celebrities to name their kids Apple, or Audio Science?

They don't consider those names mean. Obviously a matter of opinion.

[/b]Manner #16
Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.

Why should I have to waste a couple hours of my life on something I don't have to? And what if I don't know any of the people involved with said play/assembly? You know who also forces people to sit through live performances against their will? Kim Jong Il, that's who.

This list is written for children, who don't have control over the functions they attend. Voicing your opinion during the performance ruins the experience for others, and THAT you don't have a right to do.

Manner #20
If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say "yes," do so -- you may learn something new.

What if I don't have the time for it? And do I have to this every single time I see someone working on something? And what if the thing they're working on is illegal?

If you are a kid, you have time, unless you are on your way somewhere, and presumably your parents and teachers don't do anything Illegal. Not meant to be an absolute all the time rule, just a suggestion.

Manner #21
When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.

What if they ask to sexually molest me? No means no.

Yeah, well, that isn't what they mean here, is it?

Manner #25
Don't reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

What if the other person doesn't have any arms?

And that is, of course, tongue in check. I think. Every rule has exceptions. Kind of goes without saying in the NT world, but I do get a kick out of how someone like my son jumps so quickly to listing them.

Manner #21
When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.
I REALLY wish more kids would do this, at least once in a while. I was sitting in the grass at the park the other night trying to calm DS down from a meltdown provoked by another child grabbing him from behind unexpectedly. I had purposefully moved to a quiet spot out of the way of other people. A girl, about 5, comes up to us and starts talking. DS is quite visibly upset and I am holding him in may lap rocking him. I say to the girl in the nicest voice I can muster at the moment "Sweetie, could you please leave us alone right now, we need some space." She looks at me and says "Why should I?" Gritting my teeth I say, trying very hard to maintain composure, "Because I asked you to, now please we REALLY need you to leave us alone." It wouldn't be so bad if kids would just do things once in a while just because an adult asks them politely to do it. It's not "Becasue I said so" its "Because I asked you politely to do something why does everything require an explanation?"

OK, WITH ME....

Manner #1

When asking for something, say "Please."

I do this!

Manner #2

When receiving something, say "Thank you."

I do this.

Manner #3
Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.

DREAM ON! They may NEVER notice you! I TRY and NOW often succeed, but the author is WRONG!

Manner #4

If you do need to get somebody's attention right away, the phrase "excuse me" is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation.

I TRY!

Manner #5

When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later.

I TRY, but MAN!

Manner #6
The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.

STUPID ADVICE! The REAL manner is that they SHOULD care if they are too loud, etc....

Manner #7
Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.

I TRY to avoid such comments. The author is WRONG though! Even COMPLIMENTS can be taken the WRONG way!

Manner #8
When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.

I DO, and they are usually GONE without ever listening! Most ask out of habit and DON'T CARE!

Manner #9

When you have spent time at your friend's house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.

I TRIED TO! All too often, I was forced or some such, or THEY mistreated me.

Manner #10
Knock on closed doors -- and wait to see if there's a response -- before entering.

I TRY!

Manner #11
When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.

YEP, always do!

Manner #12
Be appreciative and say "thank you" for any gift you receive. In the age of e-mail, a handwritten thank-you note can have a powerful effect.

I try to!

Manner #13
Never use foul language in front of adults. Grown-ups already know all those words, and they find them boring and unpleasant.

I generally don't use foul language in front of ANYONE! AGAIN, the auuthor is WRONG and/or STUPID! "adults" LOVE them!

Manner #14

Don't call people mean names.

I try not to.

Manner #15
Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel.

I try not to.

Manner #16
Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.

I TRY, and often they ****AREN'T****!

Manner #17
If you bump into somebody, immediately say "Excuse me."

I do if it is MY accident. I generally obey the manner they MISSED! *******DON'T RUN INTO OTHERS*******!

Manner #18
Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don't pick your nose in public.

I ALSO follow the manner they MISSED! I don't cough/sneeze in their direction, and don't blow my nose in public. It is a FILTHY and DISGUSTING habit!

BTW one of my coworkers picks his nose, spits, talks with his mouth full, and talks a LOT! TODAY, we ended up at a table made for 2, and he and another coworker sat there. Seeing that I could NOT stay out of his debris field, I sat ELSEWHERE! Do you want to guess what he did? HE moved right across from me. I had to move over, and the other coworker moved next to me, across from him. I was VERY uncomfortable. Had I MERELY told him the truth, MAYBE he would have changed. MAYBE! But I was trying to be "polite"!


Manner #19

As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.

I generally do.

Manner #20
If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say "yes," do so -- you may learn something new.

I generally help anyone accepting that deserves it.

Manner #21
When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.

MORE stupid advice! I will if I can and it is reasonable, etc...

Manner #22
When someone helps you, say "thank you." That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers!

I generally do, IF it is real help! And it ISN'T especially true of "teachers"!

Manner #23
Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do.

I DO!

Manner #24

Keep a napkin on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.

I DO!

Manner #25

Don't reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

I DO!

Originally published in the March 2011 issue of Parents magazine.

WOW, I guess "teachers" and lazy "parents" write it, huh?

Sorry if I am too honest here, but such stupid generalizations and one sided advice makes me feel like THROWING UP!

BTW I am in my late 40s, and the aforementioned coworker is older than I am.