NT mom of 4 wants to ask ASD parent or teen for an opinion

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what do you integrated asd teens want from NT peers?

Welcome to WP!

thank you!

Understanding and acceptance... but that is much easier said than done ultimately, especially at an age when blending in and finding what group you fit into is a major concern for most teens. If someone doesn't fit in, they are usually just part of the "outcast" group essentially.

I'm a Mum... an autie mum of an aspie kid.

When I was a teen, all I wanted was for someone to treat me like a human being, and not like a sidekick to all their jokes. I hated it when kids would ask me to help with their homework, then jeer at me when I got to school. Yet in private they'd be nice.

My son has a slightly different set of problems... he's given up on school work (at least for the time being). He's got a higher IQ than me, and he is bored to tears (I do mean literally) in most of his classes.

What both my son and I would like to see amongst NTs in general is an acknowledgement that aspies are normal. Yes, we do see life differently... but we're still human. If someone makes a joke about us, it still hurts. We mightn't give the facial expressions that another NT would give, but we still hurt.

When I was a kid, Star Trek was big on the telly, and it used to upset me no end when my Mum and brother said, "M...s got no feelings" or would call me "Spock" (much and all as I loved him.) Yet I find out now that my brother didn't mean any harm, he thought it was funny, and he never guessed I was upset, because I was so "Spock" in my reaction.

My son tells me that he would just like one friend who wasn't obsessed by appearances. One friend who was more interested in what people thought than how often folks cut their hair. (It's difficult to get my son to have a hair cut... he won't have it cut in winter, and he won't have it cut in a hair dresser with popular radio on ... it hurts. So imagine a young man with beautiful blond curly hair, who won't get it cut but once or twice a year... then imagine our current society!)

So... combining what I wanted, and what my son wants...

We would like someone who is a friend. Auties and aspies are very loyal... we'll do anything for a friend. And yet all we want in a friend is someone who will still be friends with a boy whose hair curls below our collar, who won't jeer at us if we don't wear socks on a hot day, who won't call us a robot or vulcan if our faces go blank when we're upset.

I do think that when I was at school the biggest problem was that I didn't know my diagnosis, and neither did my school mates. It might be worth explaining neurological differences to an autie teenager's friends.

But what it boils down to is this...

What I want in a friend is just what an NT wants.

Someone who is kind, who is patient, non judgemental, who will stand up for me.

Someone who will expect me to be kind, who will open up to me, someone for whom I can stand up for.

In other words, I just want a human being... someone just like me.

As the others have said, to be treated as a human being.

We do have feelings, we can be hurt, we are usually intelligent (so the assumption of stupidity annoys and/or hurts sometimes).

A thing that I would like (but know that it is unlightly to happen), is for people to explain what we do wrong and how to do it right but to not try and fix us into NT's because we have a different way of looking at things (and our viewpoint is as valid as the neurologically typical viewpoint).

Thank you for asking and welcome to wrongplanet.

I have moved this to our Parent's Discussion, hoping to broaden your information pool.

I'm no longer a teen but when I was at school, I wasn't that concerned about NT peers. I just pretty much would of liked not to have been bullied like I was.

Hmm... to be open and honest as Aspies can't pick up on subtle hints that something is annoying etc.

Exactly!! !! !! !!

Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. Something that I didn't get from my bloody peers in high school.

A phonecall once in awhile, just to ask how it's going.

An invite to see the latest cool movie.

A wave in the hallway at school. Sit with me at lunch. Admit to your friends that I'm your friend too.

If you're bored at home, ask me to suggest somewhere we could go together for a few hours.

Shoot me an email of a funny joke.

Commiserate with me about 'parents who don't understand'.

Share a cool playlist with me.

Volunteer to help me with note-taking or to be my partner on projects when no one else will. (Trust me you'll get an A!)

To be invited to activities and things and not be excluded.
To not be stabbed in the back by those pretending to be my friends, then using what I disclosed to them against me.
To be able to have not been treated like I am something to be avoided.

Teens and kids with Asperger's Syndrome want NT's to be Aspies. To paraphrase one of the member's signatures here, they just want to meet somebody "like them". In most cases, after a life of being picked on, the one thing many with Asperger's want from NTs is to be left alone.

I really just wanted to be left alone, at that age. I hadn't really got the idea of what friendship was supposed to be like.

Nowadays, what I want from my peers, in addition to not being abused (that should go without saying) is to have someone who has similar interests to mine, and is willing to be OK with my only socializing a couple times a month. Since this is impossible to find, I stay mostly friendless.

I personally just wish that they would get that there are some things that they do with ease that are really tough for me, but there are also some things that may be difficult for them that i find impossibly easy. Life would be so much easier if they just accepted that i'm a little different, but that i have a lot to contribute to the world. Also, I wish that they would be better educated on certain differences, so that they would realize that i'm never mean on purpose, but if i am, i don't know it. Another thing, don't tell me that it's not fair that i borrow a pencil often or get/ ask for any special treatment. I try so hard to do things like remember pencils, but i can't always do what you can. And I'm not a know-it-all or a concieted brat, I just remember so many aimless facts (especially about my aspie interest) and I don't know i'm bragging, I just know that it's the truth.
Please just accept me for who i am and all i aim to be. Chances are, i could wish i was you. Don't bully me, it's not my fault that my brain works a little differently than yours.