What do i tell him?

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Hi all

My 7 year old son is soon having an assessement for ASD.

How do I explain the assessment to him without him feeling like he's being "tested" or that he's done something wrong or is not good enough.... if that makes sense.

I dont want to tell him that he is being tested for Autism etc at this stage....I know he wont cope with it. I want to wait and explain everthing to him if and when we have a diagnosis.

But how do I explain why we are going to see so many different ppl within the space of a few hours?!.

My daughter is 10 so a bit older but I focused on the problems she was having and that this was a way to help her with those problems. I mentioned how I felt she was getting in trouble for things she couldnt help, that she seemed to be frustrated a lot, that I had noticed how much noise bothered her, etc. And I told her that after we got the evaluation we could get some ideas on helping her feel happier and less stressed.

I also told her that part of the process is that we talk about things that are problems. But that I didnt want her to feel it was negative. That it was like when you go to the dr because your foot hurts - you dont talk to the dr about all the parts of you that feel great.. you tell them about the foot so they can tell you how to help the foot. And I assured her that we would not make any big decisions without her and that is she did not like the therapists we would see someone else.

Thank you for your reply

Some great ideas you have! Thank you.

I can use his sensitivity to noise as part of it. This is really affecting him at the moment, and I've sympathised with him over it a lot latley. I can also mention about him tiring easily....

Thank you!!

7 year olds don't have all of these insecurities that adults have unless adults instill them in them by constantly implying that the child is always doing the wrong thing. For example, always correcting behaviors they don't like, while never rewarding behaviors they do like.

7 year olds are generally also still in the phase of enjoying showing adults that they can do things, or know things, so he'd actually probably be rather thrilled to answer the questions.

I don't think I would mention anything about helping him with problems at this point, as it might not even occur to him that he has problems. And if he has AS, he doesn't have problems, people have problems with him, and he would not have the slightest clue what you are talking about.

If you never mentioned that this is out of the ordinary, the thought that it might be probably won't occur to him.

After the appointment you can take him to get some ice cream or something. He'll see it as no more than an exciting day where he got to spend some special time with you, and get ice cream.

Right - when my son (who is actually pretty astute about this stuff) was assessed at that age at school, it didn't occur to him that anything unusual was happening. (Note: I am just a parent, so don't take the following as professional advice.) Kids go to doctor's appointments all the time without really understanding the purpose. Just tell him you're taking him for a doctor's appointment with a new doctor; they're going to make sure he's healthy and strong. I don't know that he would be able to distinguish between a psychological evaluation and one by a pediatrician - not because the two aren't different, just because he's only had 7 experiences with a physical thus far in his life (and can probably only remember 4,) and they've probably all been slightly different.

If he asks questions, I would answer them matter-of-factly with the minimum amount of information and let him ask follow-up questions if he wants more: e.g. Will there be shots? No. Why are we going to a new doctor? This doctor checks different stuff than (pediatrician's name) What will they do? Probably ask you some questions, they might have you draw. Why? For the same reason that your doctor checks your ears; to see how things are working, or how you're doing. What if something is wrong? Then the doctor will tell us what we can to do to help you.

If your child starts asking about your specific concerns, it means he already has an understanding of being different - and may already have the types of ideas that concern you. He may also be relieved to find he's not the only one who noticed something is going on and that it's not all in his head. I think this would be a good time to discuss the sensitivities, etc. and talk about how all kids are different in some way.

If you get a diagnosis, I highly recommend All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome and the other books by Kathy Hoopmann to help him understand his differences in a non-judgmental way.

hello again! The others may be right here.. My daughter has arthritis and diabetes and 2 specialists every 3 mos plus a yearly checkup and has since toddler hood. If we have an appt she asks tons of questions.. but then some appt involve lab work, very extensive physical exam, may take up to 7 hrs at the childrens hospital, xrays, etc .. so you may just want to see what he actually asks. Jordan asks all the questions and then depending on the answers either is cooperative or not. So I have to be sure my answers are about benefits SHE will have or she will simply glare be uncooperative the whole time. She is very 'doctored out' at this point. So another child without all the medical mess may not give it much thought.

Thank you for your replies...

Good points there to consider..

I guess It's really only an issue if I make it out to be an issue. I'll keep it simple and take it each step at a time.

I tend to over worry about things sometimes!

My son was seven and of the type to want to know the why for everything, and the process of evaluation was so different from anything else he had done, that there really would have been no way to hold the reasons back from him. We kept it short and simple focusing, as Squirrelflight did, on the issues he was already well aware he had. We told him the process was to look into those concerns, see if there was a reason for them, and discover information that would get us better direction for helping him with them. He was totally on board with it, it was logical to him that we'd want to solve his problems, and he was getting frustrated enough himself with his own problems to be eager for resolution.

You have to know your child in these situations. Mine has always done best when we've been direct and open. He can't understand why people are ever anything else, and he is smart enough to integrate the answers appropriately.

I think you are right. Keep it simple, one step at a time. When you are sitting face to face with your child odds are good that you'll just know what he needs to hear from you.

You know, I actually asked the psychologist this question, before we started the eval for my 7yo daughter. She said I was fine to just tell her she was going to be doing some testing, to find out a little about what she knew, what kinds of things she liked, what kinds of things she didn't like, and things lie that, and that some of it would be boring and some of it might be a little fun, but that it would help us help her in school and at home. That's all I told my dd and it seemed to suit her just fine. She never realized it was anything unusual.

I was very "doctored out" by eight years old because I have seizures that are very serious and life threatneing and had them since I was 4, but the psych tests were actually kinda fun compaired to....spinal taps, but all this doctor stuff affected my self esteem because no one told me why I was going through this and the other kids werent. I think it would had been alot easier if my parrents were able to tell me why I was different, but honestly, things were different back then. The internet was not invented yet, and the doctors said that I had PDD-with classic autistic traits. My mom had no idea what this meant and the doctor did not clarify, so I spent alot of my life feeling like an alien cause "pervasive developmental disorder" does sound damning to a kid who has no idea what that means. So I guess what I am saying is be clear that it is a difference, not something wrong with her. And that many other people have it too and talk about the edisons the einstiens and Jamie hyman of mythbusters has autism too. talk about the hard stuff but also the gifts too.

Thank you all for your replies, very helpful!

I think it's important to warn the child about what kind of tests will take place. There are some that are misleading and manipulative in nature, such as the one where a therapist asks a child to explain a favorite subject, then feigns to complete ignorance in it, to test for patience, empathy, or god-knows-what. Let's say, as an example, your daughter chooses to talk about horses, and the therapist pretends to know nothing about them (like "duh... uh... what's a horse?") While someone whose specialty is psychology would not know the difference between a Thoroughbred and an Arabian (while your daughter might), it's reasonable to expect a grown man or woman with a Ph.D. to know at least a little bit about horses. And a child knows that. So how would he/she feel when encountered with a supposedly trusted therapist who is lying to her!? So, empathy has no place here; patience, maybe up to a limit. Parents, warn your children about these kinds of tests. I had them done on me when I was 13, and I failed them miserably. In other words, I was flagged as "emotionally immature" because I wasn't patient enough with a therapist who I knew was faking it. So much for "there are no right or wrong answers".

Thanks Aspie1
I'm a little clueless as to what they will be asking him during the appt. Might be a good topic for my next thread. To be honest I dont think they'd give too much info about what goes on. Sorry you had to endure that. I can understand your frustration. I'm hoping that my son being younger might not be as clued onto the silly questions, but then again he is pretty clever Thanks for your reply.