AS children the "decline" in social skills around

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I'm interested in hearing further comments on what parents have said on here before that kids who are affected by Aspergers seem to show more noticeable traits around the ages of around 6 to 8 and that problems in the social aspect of things starts to become more noticeable.

My son is awaiting a diagnosis and is five, he will start primary school in August here in the UK. He has made good progress at nursery in interacting with other children but is still prone to the odd example of not wanting to join in. Outside he clearly can exchange with other children and will play with both children he knows and doesn't know...he will start exchanges etc and everything seems resonably acceptable for his age..obviously there is a chaotic nature to pre-school play.

Is it because the social interaction becomes more sophisticated that kids struggle? Or is it because their mannerisms become more noticeable to others..? I suppose there's a fair chance it's a bit of both.

I'm just interested to hear from parents experience in this area to help us prepare for what may lie ahead.......

Well, my daughter never really played with the other children very often. Even at a very early age she would shy away from other kids and want to watch them from afar. Once she became old enough to have "friends" she saw on a regaular basis (ie neighbors) she began to warm up around them. Even then, the play was centered on her rigid play and the other children would tire quickly of her controlling the play. Now she is 8, while her play hasn't really changed all that much, what has changed is that the other children notice her "differences" more and will shun her or ignore her due to them. She doesn't seem to mind. Some of it is sensory based, she is overwhelmed by a group of children talking, laughing, playing rambunctiously. Her social skills are lacking but in a strange way-it is almost as if she prefers to be "invisible" and therefore doesn't respond to prompts or niceties from casual people she meets. A lot of people see this as rudeness, therefore we have "social skills training" where she learns to say "hello" and "fine, thank you" and "please", etc. But the training doesn't help all that much because while she KNOWS how she is "supposed" to act, her anxiety or desire to withdraw takes over and she becomes mute and unreachable. The reason this becomes more "pronounced" later in age is because children are less likely to be oblivious to it and see her as "Strange" because of her aloofness or lack or responsiveness.

I think it's a combination of a lot of things. Outside expectations change as children grow, other children are more aware of differences as they mature, asp traits become more pronounced in some ways, special interests become more unusual...

For example.. at 5 Jordan was much the same as she is now socially.. quiet, stayed on the edges, etc but her 'interest' was my little ponys.. sooooo lots of the little girls her age liked ponys and that is what they all played. At 7 it was littlest pet shop.. now at 10 it is wolves, writing, and a computer game. Not as many 10 yr olds are passionate about wolves as you will find 5 year olds who love my little ponys so now the social difficulty is more pronounced.

It is often overlooked as shyness or whatever when a 5 yr old doesnt talk to someone who speaks to them, doesnt say thank you or wont ask for something themselves. At 10 it is another story. it's considered rude. Her behavior hasnt changed but the expectations and perceptions of others have.

At 5 it is still considered 'age appropriate' for them to get all bent out of shape is plans change or they dont get what they want etc. Being 'self centered' is still ok. Some behaviors and understanding dont come to children until around 6 yrs or so .. like really being able to put your own needs aside for anothers, patience, etc.. At 10 my daughter still does not really have these skills but others expect her to.

I think people just dont know how to handle children who are truthful when it's not all cutesy.. 5 yr olds do not censor there ideas for social correctness and most people think its 'cute'. But 10 yr olds are expected to be doing this - aspergers kids do not. Asking my daughter 'how she is' at the wrong time can get you quite an earfull.. it makes people uncomfortable. They are trying to be pleasant and they expect the usual pleasantries. My daughter answers the question.

But anyway.. I just think it's a lot to do with how expectations change as children age. Some of the deficits that aspies have all children have at young ages because they come on with maturity level. So aspies blend in better at younger ages. Then all the other kids develop these little social know hows and ours dont. So rather than a 'decline' in social skills its more of a lack of advancement in the social arena while the other children her age move forward.

This is my first post and we only just received my 7 year old daughter's diagnosis a week or so ago, but this is how it seems to me in my sample size of one. She acts the way she always did, but while it's considered shy-but-normal for a 4 year old to refuse to answer a question asked by her own grandmother, it's considered odd for a 7 year old to do that. And while you might just think it's a lack of paying attention when you have to tell your 5 year old to look where your finger is pointing to see what you want to show her, when your kid is 7 and still doesn't EVER notice or understand the meaning of that displayed index finger, instead looking every which way until directed to notice your hand and look that direction, it doesn't seem like it's just a lack of attention anymore. You also sort of expect them to grow out of tantrums at some point, but my daughter is showing no signs of that yet. At 3 or 4 it seemed par for the course. At 6 it was starting to get old. At 7 it no longer seemed developmentally appropriate to have tantrums over little things every day.

There are lots of other things I could think of, but mainly they are all things I've expected her to either grow into or out of, not things I thought were unusual from the beginning, you know? It's only as she's gotten older that they no longer seem like something a typical kid would do, so they become more noticeable. She always was different, but it never seemed unusual when she was very young.

I think your hypothesis is correct. The NT children continue to advance socially while the children with AS do not, and this causes mannerisms to become more noticeable. However it has been noted that hypersensitivity also onsets and peaks around this time. My own theory on that is the hypersensitivity is due to a largely transient neurological state as the brain develops.

My daughter is 5 1/2 yrs and it was towards the end of 2010 before I realised she may have Aspergers, or any other ASD for that matter. Until that point, she'd been a handful, to say the least. But, I wasn't able to pin it down to anything more than being incredibly active, spirited and strong-willed and I thought there might be a possibility of an ADHD diagnosis. Autism wasn't even a consideration, especially as she's so outgoing, chatty and confident. I now know this is totally irrelevant and, as those traits are quite extreme in her, they are actually indicative of autism, not the opposite.

When she started school, I began noticing things which hadn't been obvious before. I don't think those things were present before or maybe she wasn't much different to her peers on the social side before then, I really don't know. I started to notice that when another child was with us and speaking, I had to prompt her to respond, although she does talk a lot at other times. She also showed that she couldn't care less about peer pressure, which definitely has a plus side, but is unusual. These things, along with her lack of concentration skills, prompted me to speak with the depute head at her school.

Six months on and we've just had our first appointment with SALT and the therapist told us he could see Aspergers traits in her. He's recommending that she goes for an ASD assessment and this could be 2 years away. At least we're getting somewhere at last. I realise she's quite young for an Aspergers diagnosis (although she will probably be 7 before it eventually happens), but given the behaviour problems she's had since she was very young, it's not surprising.

Some kids with Aspergers are perfect angels as babies and toddlers and they might slip through the net until much later. I suspect I have Aspergers (I certainly have significant traits and sensory issues) and I'm told I was a dream baby. I was 7yrs old before I was obviously different. For me, it resulted in a complete loss of confidence and extreme shyness. I hope that identifying my daughter early will prevent the same happening to her, as that is my biggest fear for her.