Wondering

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Would someone tell me why it's okay for a classmate to call and cuss out his 16 year old classmate? (the girl was an Aspie, who cussed out back, the male classmate (neurotypical), who called HER and CUSSED at her.).

When the girl got off the phone, her dad paddled her hard, saying, "I'm going to paddle you like they do in school!"

Who says that's okay?

Its not Ok. Under any circumstances. The father is unfair. Probably he is just mad at her or do not believe his daughter and prefer to believe her classmates. That happens. This is sad. When my daughter has problems with classmates I always take her side (if she is right; when she is wrong and I tell her she is wrong) and go to school to fix the problem. Thank God she is in a great school. The principal always listens, takes action and follows-up.

I must be honest...I also sometimes come down to hard on my son because I think he is being rude to his friends, but I started to listen to both sides and realized that sometimes my sons reactions is justified!

Most probably your son's reactions are ALWAYS justified. You have to take into account that sometimes they do not react to the FACTs but to what they PERCEIVE, and usually they do not perceive the same things we do. They do not decode the situation correctly and that's why they react the way they do. It is very important to talk to them and ask them questions about what happened to help them understand the situation and how to react in a better way next time they face the same situation. It has helped a lot with my daughter. She's been learning and she is doing better in social interaction now, but she always faces new situations and needs help with those new situations she does not understand. That's why I support our kids going to school instead of home schooling. In home schooling you cannot reproduce all those situations they face at school, so they will not learn how to manage those situations. I know it's hard. She had very difficult times at school (from 1st to 3rd grade was the worst), but with the proper help and the proper school she is doing great now, and learning new skills every day.

Let me start with....

I don't like paddling ever and certainly not a 16 year old. I think that piece was just ridiculous. At 16 my kids are allowed to use whatever words they would like. There are some words which will not work when talking with me, but I think that my children are in process of figuring out who they are and I will not be choosing their words, especially in dealing with other kids.

That said, we are all responsible for our own actions. By 16, I hope my kids can follow the rules that we have set up regardles of what some other idiot does or says on the phone. If my rules were no cussing, I would expect the child to have hung up the phone and not engaged. If there were consequences associated with cussing, I agree that the consequences should be imposed.

Like I said, that wouldn't happen here because I don't hit and my 16 year old can cuss BUT overall, as a parent, I don't think it was incorrect to stick to the rules.

I'm utterly confused. Among other things, in today's world, hardly any schools paddle.