Anxiety & Fears-when they become severe

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My daughter is 8. She has always struggled with anxiety & fears but I thought as she got older the more "immature fears" would dissipate. However, they are becoming a part of her reality almost and I am struggling with how to deal with it.

Here are some examples:

She is afraid of "monsters & bears" breaking into our home. She will not go into the kitchen alone and panics if I am not near her, This morning she wanted to call my mom and my cell phone was in the kitchen and she was genuinely too afraid to go get my phone unless I walked with her to get it. I talked to her about how monsters aren't real and she states "they are real in my head" or she'll state "I really see them in my eyes".

She is afraid to be outside alone so she wants me to sit on the porch while she plays in the yard. We live in a small town in a very safe neighborhood but she still is afraid to go outside without me.

She is afraid of snakes. We found a snake skin in the bushes and now she is obsessed with a snake being "about to get her" so she runs from piece of furniture to piece of furniture keeping her feet off the ground.

She has never gone to sleep alone. She panics when she is alone. She is easily startled-as if she is constantly "on alert". She freaks if you accidentally sneak up on her.

Of course she also has social anxiety and is afraid of people she doesn't know. She still hides behind me, clings to me, hides her face. Even with people she does know she is hesitant. There's a neighbor girl she will play with and yesterday I was watching her ride a scooter and she would ride past the girl and actively "ignore" the girl until the girl flagged her down. She didn't say "hi" when she saw the girl at first.

I know these are typical for much younger kids and I thought she would grow out of them over time but I am worried they are becoming a part of her psyche-so ingrained. When she was 11 months old (I promise you I am not exaggerating here!) my dad gave her a brother bear stuffed toy and she reacted with such FEAR and intense LOATHING of that bear that I had to hide it in the garage because she would scream if she knew it was hidden in the house! This was the start of my recognition of the fear of bears and it has never decreased.

We have tried anti anxiety meds with too many side effects so I would like to avoid that if possible (plus the meds never made a dent in her fears). So my question is: have any of you dealt with these types of fears and if so how did you deal with them? Did they go away?
Thanks!

BTW, she doesn't watch scary movies-for obvious reasons-so that is not the issue.

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation both you and your daughter are currently facing.
For me I'm still battling with social anxiety and general anxiety disorder to this day. It has been chronic and an ever present since very early childhood and unfortunately has had a very negative impact on me. Only medications at present are of any help. I'm currently 26 years of age.

From my experiences I can tell you that being a concerned parent is already a plus for your child. My parents, didn't bother much about making me feel comfortable, in fact a lot of times one parent in particular didn't mind making me feel really uncomfortable. My parents really didn't mind that I was solitary, in fact they loved it - coz they basically had one less child to look after. I would always be on my own, and would hardly speak. It never really bother them to see me so alone, and in all honesty I was terrified to show them how much of an effect my fears were having on me. So I kept all my fears in and that's a bad thing. I in fact became terrified of being terrified - coz I knew I would just be shouted at most times for acting in a way which was being "unsatisfactory". Being afraid to go to school and being afraid to sleep alone most times just annoyed my parents, so I acted like nothing was happening, when it was having a big impact on me.

Don't get me wrong my parents aren't the worse in the world, but in terms of how I felt they never took much of an interest. I can say though that you are doing the right thing by showing concern and caring for her emotional state, as one of the main things that impacted on me negatively was how people reacted to my fears - not just my parents. I did complain once to my parents about the person who sat next to me in class as this person always spoke to me and asked me questions which made me uncomfortable and used my stationery without asking etc and my mum asked my teacher if she would find another seat for me. Well the next day the teacher obliged but not without making me feel very small by mocking me for wanting to change seats. I hope that your daughter isn’t getting this type of reactions from others as it’s a huge dent to self esteem.

Try not to make it seem as if her behaviour is a burden or that it is in any way something to be ashamed of - although I'm pretty certain you don't, but body language is key to making her feel better. I think that is a sure way to help the fears ultimately seem less of an obstacle. Another big help would be to distract her by letting her occupy herself with things she enjoys, so finding a hobby or a sport to play can help with confidence and help one to forget about the fears. That's usually it... the fears don't necessarily go away but are usually forgotten if something better is being focused on. Unfortunately that's all the advice I can give. Best wishes for you both.

To a certain extent she could possibly get a bit better with age. I have gotten better with my "irrational" fears but a lot of things, like my social anxiety has actually gotten worse due to abuse. Im sorry your daughter has such high anxiety and fear and I understand how she feels. I think when it gets to the point where it severely disrupts someones life something needs to be done. Its not pleasant to live with this type of fear and anxiety, I can assure you. I still am afraid someone is going to break into my house or when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I am gripped in fear sometimes that someone or something is following me back down the hallway. Im 43 and these things still scare me. When I was a child I would watch something on TV like Godzilla and be terrified that he was going to step on the house, so try to be vigilant on what she watches on TV some things that may seem innocent can scare a kid like her. My son is like me and we recently watched Old Yeller, he was terrified and it took us over an hour to convince him that he could not get rabies so that he would go to sleep and he is still having issues and asks me over and over, it is reassuring to him for me to tell him over and over and I understand this. Sometimes its hard to gauge what is appropriate for them to see or even hear about in stories, sometimes the "horror" movie may be something you find completely innocent.
Does she have any psychological therapy? Even though Psychologists and psychiatrists can not help with Aspergers/Autism in itself they can help with the co morbids like Anxiety. I saw a Psychiatrist for awhile, he is actually the one that diagnosed me, and he did do psychotherapy or "talk" therapy with me and it helped a lot, I realized a great many things about myself. Also when I get really wound up I take a very small dose of Valium. I first tried SSRI's and Ativan but they made me sick or made me feel funny. For some reason the valium does not. I think trying therapy first is good because I am very hesitant about putting very young children on medication unless there is no alternative.
There are some things you can do as well like give her a flashlight or light up her room with LED lights, maybe even the hallway. Make things around the house brighter and make sure there are no pictures or paintings that might upset her. My Mom had pictures in my room of a sad dog with an old rope around his neck, this only fueled my anxiety. Since Im more of a visual thinker these frightening images are stronger, it may be this way with your daughter as well.
Be very careful of things that startle her, like you say "sneaking up on her" as this can send her into a panic attack. Like I alluded to earlier you have to really watch what sort of things bother her, even ask her if there is anything in the house that scares her because I never told my Mom that that dog picture scared me, if she had asked me I would have told her. It is good to talk about what scares you and it helps you to figure out why and understand the fear which is why psychotherapy is helpful but you could always be her therapist and talk things out with her. Just make sure that when you talk about it that this is not overwhelming her as well. Sort of like walking on egg shells but fear and anxiety are very strong emotions....think of it like tripping a wire or knocking over domino's, once it starts its hard to stop or control. The first time I talked to my doctor about how I feel when I get "nervous" he told me "you are having panic attacks"....I was surprised, I just thought it was how I was, I thought panic attacks were something like you see on TV, people clutching at their chest and acting all dramatic. Sometimes I felt nauseated and sometimes I felt dizzy but it was more of an internal overwhelming fear. Also sometimes I have these "attacks" with very little stimulus. Sometimes it is something that Im thinking about. I say that I torture myself sometimes because I start thinking about something and it just gets bigger and worse and I can actually see the horrible thing happening or coming but Im powerless to stop myself from thinking these things because I have reached this level of fear/anxiety that I can no longer control. I can tell you that it is a relief to know that I have my valium and I see my Mother suffering like I do and I tell her to ask her doctor but she doesnt want anyone to think shes crazy but that is another story. There are other things you can try with your daughter, relaxation methods, massage anything to calm her when she is in high anxiety mode or panic attack. Sometimes I have someone brush my hair (my older daughters used to do this for me) or I have someone, like my husband lightly rub my back with their finger tips, this can also calm me down. Squeezing also helps me and makes me feel safe, these are bandaids, just like the meds but they help you get through. I do think that some people can gain better control of their anxiety than maybe I have but this is how I deal with it. I dont put myself in situations that I can not handle, I do my best to avoid high anxiety situations. For someone who may need to go out into the world some day and overcome this type of fear and anxiety I think therapy may be the best solution and maybe since she is young it will help even more.

My daughter 15yrs recently dx GAD was and still is very anxious as a child. She would have fears about the toilet using it at night and still doesn't like to use a toilet in new surroundings. I would have to go with her. She doesn't like it when her plans change, she hates when I am late and will text or ring me constantly until I arrive even when in familar places. Doesn't like to wait anywhere on her own.

Once she does things for a number of occassions she then relaxes about it and manages on her own. She slept in my bed until she was near 13yrs I tried everything to get her to stop but this proved very difficult. She would be very upset and would refuse to go to her bed and sometimes get hysterical. Any sudden noises or something unexpected would upset her, toileting issues also refuse to use toilet at her pre school until I was there. Lots of her childhood anxieties have got better over time and with age and that she understands better. she does develop fears and then I will talk them through with her when she understands she handles it better.

She doesn't let me know about all her anxieties and will get upset if I keep asking her, she feels embarrassed at times. If I tell her not to worry about whatever event she will get annoyed and tell me she is not worrying but its visible. I will talk about it in a different way sometimes it works. As she only recently got the dx I am still learning what does it mean for her in the future.

This makes me smile, because I have the same reaction to mice and struggle with it as an adult (I think it's a combo of not liking to be startled and the potential sensory issue of my feet being tickled, ugh!) Yes, I have stood up to neighborhood gang-bangers, but I stand on a chair and scream like a '50s housewife when there's a mouse in the room.

DS has severe anxieties that are not dissimilar to your daughter's, except that he's 11 and is now somewhat aware that they are irrational, which only makes him feel worse and doesn't lessen the fears any. We had good success reading "What To Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck" (a book for kids about OCD, but it applies well to other anxiety; I bet it's at your local library - see if it makes sense to you.) This book gave us a mutually understandable language to use when he's irrationally anxious about something, and it helps a little bit.

Having been that kid, my fears were assuaged somewhat when I moved out on my own and bought a dog to sleep with me and stop all the muggers and bears (which he did, at least twice.) I still can't drive on most highways, which is a recent fear brought on by having a child to take care of, but by and large my anxieties are there but don't run my life.

I wish I had better advice for you - CBT works well for me, but 8 is a bit young.

I have SO MANY fears!! ! One being snakes too!
My cousin is 9 and she`s afraid of her bedroom! She won`t go in it alone and she still sleeps with her parents!

My daughter suffers from fears. She is afraid of the dark. She does not watch horror movies, but she cannot even listen to her classmates talking about them or watch a trailer by mistake when watching TV or she will have nightmare and night terrors. A couple of months ago she watched a horror video with littlest pet shops (she loves those toys) in youtube and was afraid for weeks. This do get better with time, but my daughter is 11 years old and I still have to stay with her until she falls sleep because of her night terrors. We also do not let her watch TV before going to sleep and she drinks linden tea before going to sleep, there is relaxing music playing in her room while she sleeps, and she sleeps with the door open and the corridor light on. She also covers her head with pillows and hugs her favorite stuffed animal, that makes her feel more secure.

I have OCD as well as ASD and have had my share of irrational fears. One thing we found to work well is tension tamer tea made by celestal seasonings. It works well for me in those moments of intense fear, but its effects are not long lasting...about 30 minutes but it can stop an anxiety attack in the moment. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is said to work better for phobias than drugs. I learned this in my adnormal psychology class as I was a psych and art major in college.

She probably needs to be checked out for General anxiety disorder and OCD. OCD can also be treated by cogitive behavioral therapy if she is too young for meds. I would try the therapy and teas before resorting to drugs. A child's brain is not finished developing until late adolensence and drugs have a totally different effect on a developing brain than an adult brain, some of the stronger drugs can cause side efects that will not go away even after she finished taking the drug...like tics and things like that. Whatever you do, dont let them talk you into giving her mood stablizers because they can damage a developing brain and cause irreversable damage, but they dont do that to adult brains.

Also teach her the concept of "her happy place" by teaching her to think of things that make her happy when feeling alot of anxiety. Cue her when she is having anxiety to go to her happy place

hope that helps,

Jojo

I drink the tea myself. It is good, but not as strong as a medication.

For anyone interested in meds, Prozac (fluoxetine) is commonly used in the U.S. for anxiety disorders in children. Other than hyperactivity when first starting on it or when the dose is too high, it does not seem to cause adverse side effects for a child who needs it. (Some antianxiety drugs can cause sleepiness). My son, who is almost 7 and has classic autism, has been on it three years, and it works great.

My son with classic autism also takes clonidine at night. It helps with both sleep issues and anxiety. I have also given it to him during anxiety attacks in the past. It stops a severe anxiety attack immediately, but it also puts him to sleep.

Once I picked up my son from school and found out that he had had an anxiety attack that had gone on for over an hour. (The teacher had scolded him). I gave him the clonidine, and it made him calm down within a few minutes and go to sleep.

I also gave him just a little of the clonidine one time before he has to participate in a pageant at school. (He didn't have to speak, but he had to be on stage). Just a little was enough to prevent a panic attack during the pageant.

Im beginning to think that Blondeambition is a prozac pusher Im kidding, I think you have done great things with your videos and your work with your kids, Im very impressed, and I understand when you find something that works for you kids you want everyone to know about it but SSRI's do not work for everyone, but they do work for a lot of people. I tried several of them and they all made me puke, I had vertigo and even hallucinations on my first dose of Lexapro. Its why I do my valium's but only when I need them. I hate taking medication and Im on two different types of pain meds, NSAID's and Anti-TNF injections once a week (Embrel) for my auto immune disease that is fusing my Sacroilliac joints and my upper spine and ribs. Im in severe pain even with my drugs but I still remain positive that they will be able to help me or that I will go into a remissive state. I used to be very active, now I can hardly go shopping and try telling an autistic child that they can not jump on you.....she actually has gotten better and even lately is scripting what I say like. "My back is killing me today"

No, I'm honestly not a Prozac pusher:) (I would prefer the term "mental health advocate.") I will admit that it took about a year to find the right dose and combination of meds for my older son. (Ritalin and another stimulant produced very bad side effects; a couple of other meds made him too sleepy or depressed.)

I know that most people are not going to listen to me about the meds.

I know someone here in Austin, though, with an adult with classic autism. She finally went to my son's psychiatrist (who sees children and adults). He is apparently showing improvement for the first time in over 20 years. One good success story means a lot.

Of course meds are not for everyone. I think that it should not be taboo to discuss them or to discuss mental illness, though.

I certainly dont either, as I said before, I have two kids with mental illness as my X had a lot of mental illness in his family predominantly Bi Polar disorder. Im well aware of how people treat you when you have a young child with mental illness, they blame you just as they used to blame mothers for Autism. I also dont think its taboo to discuss medication which is why I am not afraid to discuss it. However, I think there has not been enough studies in young children with ASD on the heavier types of medications and there have been deaths due to over medication of young children. There is a fine line and, in my opinion, medication should be used when it is truly needed. My son who was early onset bi polar was a danger to himself, he would set fires beginning at age 5, try to jump off of a roof because he was hyper manic and believed he could fly at age 7. He also hung himself with his sheet on his bunk beds around age 8 because he did not want to go to school. He would constantly play with knives if he could get ahold of them and managed to shock himself when he was only 2 even though I had plastic covers on all the sockets. It was around 9 years old that I took him out of school as I felt it was doing more harm that good....he still did not get a diagnosis of Bi Polar until he was 12, they blamed me, I was not strict enough, ect. He did get an ADHD diagnosis around age 8 and we tried the stimulant medication which made him even worse, very violent and even more out of control. I would not give my Autistic children medications unless they were doing self injury and first I would try to seek outside help and therapy, but giving your child medication is a personal decision, Im not going to suggest it or tell someone not to do it. I may point things out to people such as in my sons social group when all the Mothers thought putting your child on Risperdal was what you did when you got an Asperger's diagnosis. I just think some parents put their child on medications because the doctor hands them an RX without even asking why or finding out what the medication is and the side effects. This is a chemical that you are giving your child that alters their brain chemistry, that is nothing to take lightly and certainly not something that should not be spoken of or "taboo" as you say.

Maybe appeal to her reasoning side about bears and snakes - how prevalent are attacks in your area? Show her how to do the research? I dunno. You'd know best how to appeal to her reason.

Get a pet. A dog would be great - It could go outside with her. But even if you get her a guinea pig, you could enter some slight deception (as long as YOU are certain you'll never be proven wrong) and say that the dog/guinea pig will always freak out if a bear is nearby / if the dog isnt freaking out, there's no bear in the area.

kinda lame ideas. i haven't thought them thru much. And it's a bit hard to just say "get a pet" because thats a big responsability / and you have to have the responsability chat and eventually the death of a pet chat and... eep....

But maybe it'll trigger an idea in someone.

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Either that, or you could stick brotherbear's head on a stake and drive it into the ground to warn off would be predatory bears. Don't judge me! I usually love stuffed toys!
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Last edited by OddFiction on 19 Jul 2011, 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lilome, I agree with a lot of what you said.

You have got to do your own research--don't just go to the doctor and get a prescription. A doctor often will not mention every possible side effect or drug interaction or tell you what you will see if the dose is too high.

Also, I think that a lot of moms are still blamed for their kids conditions. (If my husband comments one more time on the kids' lack of discipline--as if that caused everything--I don't know what I'll do. Okay, I'll just get really mad.)

I did go on the internet thinking it would assuage her fears-WRONG IDEA!. Seeing pictures of snakes made it SO much worse. She is very visual and now even though the articles said this type of snake (we identified it as a Texas Rat Sanke) won't hurt humans and that even if they try to bite they won't hurt-she now has the visual stuck in her head. Yikes-guess I learned that lesson.

We don't have bears here (BTW Blondeambition I live about 50 miles from you ) so I don't understand that fear at all. I've been very careful not to focus on bears at all and she doesn't even have children's books with bears (not an easy task most kids books have bears ).

We lost our pet of 11 years yesterday. She is taking it hard. I think it's too soon to think about a new pet now.

As far as SSRI's-we have tried 2-Paxil and Zoloft. The PAxil was horrible-she became very moody-crying constantly and she also became more aggressive, resistent and defiant.. We tried it for 3 months then quit. More recently we tried Zoloft. It worked pretty well at first (especially with anxiety) but after a few months she started pulling out her eyelashes & hair, tapping things, stimming A LOT more, and counting constantly. We removed the Zoloft and those OCD behaviors stayed for about 9 months-they finally went away. So that's why I am so leery of meds.

I take xanax only when I need it