predicament

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My son age 13yrs is going away for 4 days with his soccer club, he insisted that I was not to go I am good with that. He has gone on sleep overs but never been away for this lenght.

My predicament is wether to let one of his coaches know about his dx, I have asked him and he said he wants me to but his Dad feels its not a good idea as he will be seen as different and will be treated different. He gets on well with one coach and I get the impression that he does like my son. He seems to be kind and easy to talk with and my son wants me to tell him. I could ask him not to say it to anyone else not sure if he can or how it will work.

I feel I should say, he is already worry about packing his bag when he is leaving as he finds it difficult. I feel aprehensive but I know I will worry so much!

How do I explain dx in a simple way, his anxiety/stress I will be concern most about, I havent told extended family his dx. I have let the school no as this is vital, I haven't told the coaches in the other activities that he is invovled in but this is different as he is staying away from home.

Advise!

If your son himself said he'd be more comfortable with the coach knowing it seems like a good idea to tell the coach.

My son has been going away without me since he was 11, and is spending almost half this summer on the road without us. I cannot imagine NOT telling the adult on overnights. My son doesn't like me to tell people, but he agrees this is necessary, and him and I usually do it together.

Be real, your child WILL get stressed and face overload at some point during this trip, and he will have to go through his steps to avoid meltdown. Or he will meltdown. The person in charge MUST know what is going on so that he does not try to force your child to join the group or otherwise make it worse.

The most recent new adult leader I had to tell had several stories from trips with kids whose conditions she had not been informed of, of how badly things escalated, all because no one told her what this kid might do or need. To her, that was needless stress for everyone, and kids were sent home early when they didn't need to have been. She doesn't understand why all the parents don't disclose. The responsible adults NEED to know that your child isn't misbehaving, that he isn't being surly, and that ten kids trying to make him feel better or change his mind will backfire. They need to know what to let him do, because it isn't normal in a group situation to allow the sorts of things our kids need to do to self regulate.

What I say is that my son is diagnosed special needs, and that I believe he is fully capable of handling this trip and himself or I wouldn't let him go. He is responsible for, and able to, identify and take care of his needs. All I need from the responsible adults is for them to take what he says seriously, and allow him to do what he tells them needs to do. Since the most common thing my son will need to do is go off alone, I also usually discuss acceptable parameters for that with the leader and my son together; usually the leader will want him to stay within a certain distance, etc.

I know I have to let his coach know, this is the first situation where we find ourselves in this predicament but would rather his Dad agree will discuss it later, maybe this is why I posted it, I know I must but feeling unsure.

My son doesnt act out when he is away but he does suffer internally, not sure how he will cope for 4 days all ready stressed out about the journey hates long journeys and hates it because the bus will keep stopping just wants to get there quickly.

He will prob get most of his fears out over the next few days and I can reassure him and explain what might work for him.

regarding sleepovers I only recently learnt about AS, he would come back stressed but never any concerns from friends parents.

family would pick up on differences but just see it as odd behaviours and him hyper.

I think the point to make with your husband is that the adults doing these things universally want to know. Every piece of information that clues them in to how the unique kids they are charged with tick, helps the trip go smoother. As I said before, the feedback I've gotten is frustration that too many parents don't share, and that preventable situations have arisen. It shouldn't make a difference with how they treat your child as long as everything is going well; it's all about them knowing what to do when it isn't.

My son can hold things in, pretend, for a few days, but if he tries to do that for a week, it backfires. I wouldn't want him trying to.

But ... I can't guarantee how this coach will respond. Maybe test the waters casually first? I do have to accept that maybe we've just been lucky.

If you are absolutely certain your son can act away any issues for the duration, then you can pass, but are you really absolutely certain?

My son has said that he wants me to let the coach know so I feel its a source of sercurity for him. Talk to my husband and we agreed that I must let the coach know, I think for us we have accepted the dx maybe just afraid of others response. Hoping that when I do speak to him that he might already have an understanding dx.

Just wondering if not cause I am still at the begining how can I explain the dx without getting too much got up.